Do you ever feel bad about your "success"?

[GhostTown11]

By success I don't mean financially or educationally. I mean more like stuff you're just born with. I was talking to an mtf friend of mine and she told me it seemed like a "waste" for me to not transition since I sound (seriously, no one takes you seriously when your voice never dropped ) and look like a girl. I felt bad because I know how much she struggled to get to the point where she is now which is very passable and pretty.

In a way, I see what she's saying when I plan to get things like ffs (why do i call it that? My nose is the only thing even slightly masculine about my face. Is mini ffss an appropriate term?)and am on hrt and have no plans to "transition fully" as of now.

Blehh, that comment made me fell pretty crappy. Have any of you been on the receive and/or giving end of something like this?

[crazy old bat]

Don't feel bad over being a bit more lucky in the genetic and age pool, its not something that you could have helped.  Just count yourself lucky and don't lord it over anyone and you're golden.  At least that's my view of it.   

[Laura26]

Yes I've had this lots of times.

I think during transition there's extra focus on the bits where we're 'lucky' relative to other transitioners.  There can be a lot of cost involved in transitioning which may exaggerate it also.  Like I was unlucky with body hair, so I've had to pay a lot for hair removal, but my face shape is good so my FFS op was far less extensive than others have had.

I know what you mean though.  It's strange when people do somewhat back handed compliments through the lens of transitioning.  People that don't know I'm trans just give me normal compliments that other girls would get so there is a discernable difference.

[VannaSiamese]

The real "waste" would be if you didn't live your life as you wanted... Don't let anyone pressure you into or out of transition just because you do or don't have the looks. I felt similar pressure for a long time and it caused nothing but problems.

[JoanneB]

Tons of times in every aspect of my life. Mostly because I always considered myself a phoney, I was not really a guy inside yet the thrust of my life was to fake it. If you fake a basic aspect of yourself like that, what of all the others? Finding joy, even being able to define it is just as difficult.

Most to all of my transition/journey related "WTF are you doing?" meltdowns came in response to totally unanticipated joys followed by successes. I've been getting better thanks to great boosts in my self esteem but it is still a daily struggle of acceptance

[RosieD]

Not particularly. 

I'm not going to win any Miss World competitions but I got a Postgraduate Diploma last week after 3 1/2 years of hard work.  I'll start on my Master of Science degree in February and I'll pass that too. 

Dear sweet genetics gave me a damn good brain and a body I can live with, especially after some other right clever folks have made the necessary adjustments. I don't feel bad about this but neither do I feel fortunate compared to anyone else.  There's 5*10^9 or so folks on the planet and every single one of them has as much right to be here as me and is every bit as worthwhile as I am.

So no, I don't feel bad and I don't feel good, I'm just glad we're all here now.

Love,

Rosie.

[peky]

Not at all, however I have the deepest sympathy for those who are having it hard.

[smittyFTM]

Yeah maybe a lil bit. It didn't take much for me to masculinize; I'd been called 'young man' and 'sir' since i was a teenager, even with longer hair....
Not to mention my parents named me Christine, so my changing to Chris was, well, not a change at all--it's what everyone has always called me. My middle name is a unisex one, also, so that was easy....
I do feel I've had it pretty easy transition-wise, despite having lost my whole family over it (which is fine, really!).

[Amazon D]

i feel bad for all the hetero / bisexual MTF's who have poor depth and here i am with over 7 inches depth still and still a virgin celibate after 14 yrs post op... oh well such is fate....

[GhostTown11]

i feel bad for all the hetero / bisexual MTF's who have poor depth and here i am with over 7 inches depth still and still a virgin celibate after 14 yrs post op... oh well such is fate....

I never knew vagina depth was something people got worked up about....O.o

[AbraCadabra]

I never knew vagina depth was something people got worked up about....O.o

Huh, babe you be surprised ... like 'mine is deeper than yours', hi-hi.
Yet another, at least to a degree, gene and non-circumcision driven 'success'...?

But here is my experience. The more we move on in transition, the more these considerations move into the background. What was of VERY high importance, how about my legs, my boobs, my face, my hair, my voice, my eyes, my smile, my hands, my feet, my height, my shoulders, my weight, phew... in the end it turns into any woman's situation. Like some you win, and some you lose. Why EVER feel bad about it?!

If you got it ... flaunt it - with some discretion mind you. I.e. just DON'T make a fool or a trollop of yourself, eh?

Axélle

[GhostTown11]

Huh, babe you be surprised ... like 'mine is deeper than yours', hi-hi.
Yet another, at least to degree, gene driven -success-...?

But here is my experience. The more we move on in transition, the more these considerations move into the background. What is of VERY high importance, how about my legs, my boobs, my face, my hair, my voice, my eyes, my smile, my hands, my feet, my height, my shoulders, my weight, phew... in the end it turns into any woman's situation. Like some you win, some you lose. Why EVER feel bad about it?!

If you got it ... flaunt it - with some discretion mind you. I.e. just DON'T make a fool or a trollop of yourself, eh?

Axélle

Haha! Mine is deeper than yours smh

What's a trollop? Sounds cute, I think would befriend a Trollop, if I haven't already

[AbraCadabra]

Trol·lop/ˈträləp/

Noun:

A woman perceived as sexually disreputable or promiscuous.


 

[Hikari]

Sure though not about trans related issues, sometimes i feel a sort of guilt that I am doing so much better in general than my brother (or the rest of my family for that matter). I think of it as almost a form of survivors guilt. I had a badly messed up childhood, but aside from being.trans I am pretty well adjusted mentally, I don't even have substance abuse problems and thay is basicslly unheard of in my family.