Dignity?

[Julie Wilson]

Hello Dr. xxxxxx,

I had an appointment with you about two years ago.  Anyway when I was in your office the female assistant and yourself seemed overly excited to see me.  It was like the two of you had spotted a hidden Easter egg and you were talking to each other about it before you came over to talk to me.

Then during my consultation you and your female assistant seemed to be conspiring together and you were playing a game called, "We knew right away you were a ->-bleeped-<- and now you need to admit it to us so we can have our ego polishing for being so cleaver."

Anyway...  That is why I found a different surgeon and why I advise others to avoid your clinic.  Please don't reply as it doesn't matter, I just wanted to vent some of the lingering anger.

Cheers

[AbraCadabra]

 Oh well, now... the world is FULL of iniquities and seems full of medically trained persons that seem to have missed some lessons in ethics... some even AGREED to me that they had no more issue with the best of the patient at their focus (the Hippocratic oath does not apply anymore). This person happened to be my first psychiatrist/gete-keeper, NO LESS!

So, it seems I get more ethics from a car mechanic these days than from the one and only gate-keeper in SA...

I have NO idea where this is going to lead... in my case I tried every possible way NOT to see this person anymore. I managed, and GOOD riddance. Only it seems one VERY sad affair for those that are FORCED to go to this individual by consent of the 'GRS mill operators' in SA.

BTW, I was mister-ed in front of other patients by the assistant as well. Only after begging to change this – I was never dressed in other than female attire – was this eventually dropped.

Today I look back I think "what hapless ass-holes" the very lot of them.
Amen,
Axélle

[cindianna_jones]

Good for you!

[Cindy]

Without being rude I do find these situations amusing.


As many people know I work in the medical field at a high level.


I would have absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in telling a medic, a para-medic, an allied health worker or a nurse that they are out of line and that I will report them and I would follow through on it.


YOU employee these peoples services. They are no different to a plumber, a cab driver or anyone else you hire.


They may pretend they are but that is what it is. Pretence.

[AbraCadabra]

 

Without being rude I do find these situations amusing.


As many people know I work in the medical field at a high level.


I would have absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in telling a medic, a para-medic, an allied health worker or a nurse that they are out of line and that I will report them and I would follow through on it.


YOU employee these peoples services. They are no different to a plumber, a cab driver or anyone else you hire.


They may pretend they are but that is what it is. Pretence.

Cindy,
that may well work WHERE ONE HAS A CHOICE! In the case I stated there is no choice, the gate-keeper 'has one over a barrel' and he likes it just that way. Calls it: "... preferring to work within his 'system'..." one is TOTALLY dependent on his passing one for SRS presentation to the 'gender meeting' at the state hospital (SRS paid by the state).

There may be other situations where a simple swap would not be possible, or very difficult. BTW, there is not a SINGLE sexologist in the whole capital Pretoria, and the only one I could trace in Johannesburg will not be acceptable at the gender clinic, neither was he ever interested to come back to various email and voicemail requests.

Just another perspective. No $$$ no deal, extremely sad and frustrating it can be. And this psychiatrist's relative high level of hourly rates has a flavour of extortion to boot.
It was him I had asked about the Hippocratic oath...
Axélle

[Julie Wilson]

I went to a very famous hair transplant doctor also.  I had to wait several months after I scheduled my consultation.  He did the same thing and he even told me that he could make me female O_o .  He was referring to my hairline and making it rounder saying he would make me female O_o .

I was going to send him a similar email but who knows, I may still use his services.

The thing I have noticed however is medical field people are the worst when it comes to these sorts of things.  Best to avoid medical practicioners and gay bars in my experience.

Well, Momma always told me, "Some people are always going to know."

Sorry for your experiences Axelle.

[MariaMx]

The thing I have noticed however is medical field people are the worst when it comes to these sorts of things.  Best to avoid medical practicioners and gay bars in my experience.

The endocrinologist I had to see was terrible, and he was working for the GIC. He kept referring to women in way that made it abundantly clear that he thought I was not part of that group. He had this sort of us guys banter going and it was totally annoying. The upside is that I won't ever have to see him again. As for gay bars, if someone pointed a gun at me, then maybe I'd go.


Also, finding a new hair-dresser always freaks me out. Obviously I don't tell them about me and I don't explicitly ask for a woman's haircut, so I always have this nagging fear that they are will clock me and for some reason or another give me a male haircut or something. (This actually happened to someone I know)

[Julie Wilson]

As for gay bars, if someone pointed a gun at me, then maybe I'd go.

Still working out the finer details of your spinning back kick?

Also, finding a new hair-dresser always freaks me out. Obviously I don't tell them about me and I don't explicitly ask for a woman's haircut, so I always have this nagging fear that they are will clock me and for some reason or another give me a male haircut or something. (This actually happened to someone I know)

I have been cutting my own hair for a while now.

That hair transplant doctor, I asked him about my scars, didn't specify what kind of procedure it was (FFS).  It could have been a face lift.  No doubt he either put a few one plus ones together or it is blatantly obvious that I am M2F which seems strange given seemingly contradictory experiences O_o ...

But he did the same thing, he was like, "Oh well when women have a surgery like that they put the scars up higher behind the ears (etc.)."  He kept referring to me as a male, making it clear that I was not in that group that goes by the label 'women'.  Thinking about it makes me kinda angry. O_O

But yeah, kept referring to me as a male and saying he could make me female...  Icing on the cake of hate I guess.

Reminded me of when I saw a walk in clinic doctor for hormones and he kept saying he didn't know what the estrogen dosage for males was, etc. etc. *barf*.  I suppose if doctors are this clueless then perhaps I shouldn't hold the rest of Society to such high standards.

[NotThereYet]

HI,

I am terribly sorry to hear about y'all's experiences. It kind of makes me wonder... Well, I have had some of it, too, I must say, the first time I had to go see an endocrinologist, a few weeks ago: they wanted to charge me USD 700 (seven hundred, not seventy) just for the  first "consult visit". When I replied that I did have insurance and that it said on their web site that they did accept my insurance, the friendly assistant on the other end of the line said "well, insurance companies don't usually pay for your type". Great.

Anyway, may I ask what  is so bad about gay bars? I have never really been to one and now I am wondering...

Keep y'all's heads up, ladies, :-)
Andrea

[MariaMx]

But he did the same thing, he was like, "Oh well when women have a surgery like that they put the scars up higher behind the ears (etc.)."  He kept referring to me as a male, making it clear that I was not in that group that goes by the label 'women'.  Thinking about it makes me kinda angry. O_O

That's exactly it. I was asking my endo about the headaches and migraines I was having and he said "Well, you know how women are always yammering on about their headaches..."

[MariaMx]

Anyway, may I ask what  is so bad about gay bars? I have never really been to one and now I am wondering...

Well, since I never go there I wouldn't really know    But seriously, last time I was at one (actually it was more of a night club) was about 9 years ago with some gay friends of mine and I was about 3 months into my transition. To say that I looked extremely gay would be an understatement. I felt very uncomfortable. Also I found the place and many of it's guests to be very vulgar in their behavior.


These days it would probably be a bit different I guess but I don't like being clocked and I assume the most certain place to get clocked, and possibly outed in a very public manner, would be in a gay bar/club.


I don't really go to bars or clubs anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter.

[Julie Wilson]

Anyway, may I ask what  is so bad about gay bars? I have never really been to one and now I am wondering...

In my own experiences...

Being at a gay bar immediately "out's" women who transition as trans (generally speaking).  However... especially lesbians (in my experience) take a great deal of pride (pun intended) playing spot the "->-bleeped-<-".  And if you pass relatively well and are attractive then you become competition and all the girls know how to destroy the competition when she has a past she isn't proud of.

I spent a great deal of time in gay bars because for several years in my life it was the only niche where I thought I would be "accepted" and I didn't feel like I could just go to straight venues and operate as female.  I didn't pass well enough and perhaps I never will??

Anyway...  At gay clubs I had women's eye's light up and then they would literally run across the bar to tell me they knew I was trans O_O .  I had crossdressers who also like gay clubs openly out me to other people in the bar.  I had gay men tell me that if I would get my "dick" sewed back on they would go ahead and have their way with me but not until then.

So basically I found gay bars to be very hostile towards women with an uncomfortable past.  I know that women who are early in transition tend to have less of a "problem" with gay clubs and honestly as I progressed in my own transition gay clubs became more and more hostile, vulgar, gross, offensive...  I think it is because I began to cultivate some self-respect somewhere along the line.

I remember the last time I was in a lesbian bar or gay club, this lesbian "friend" of mine was begging me to allow her to tell all her friends that I was really just a man who transitioned. 

Another lesbian "friend" told me I would always be trans.  Etc.  It is like, if you want to be put in a box, labeled and seen as a pretend woman then gay clubs are the perfect place to have that experience and it doesn't feel as bad in the beginning, in the beginning it feels like "acceptance".  Of course this is my own experience and other people experience life differently.  Also there are women who pass better than me who have not had my experience because they do pass better than me.

[NotThereYet]

Well, I need some attention, if you know what I mean... Whee could I go?

[MariaMx]

Well, I need some attention, if you know what I mean... Whee could I go?

I usually like to go to places with a somewhat bohemian clientele. Also brown pubs can be a lot of fun. If you find the right one it's a bit like being a cryptozoologist out in the field

[UCBerkeleyPostop]

Noey, next time you come to San Francisco, come hang out at the Wild Side or the Stray Bar in Bernal Heights...maybe even The Lex (although I have not been there for ages) I think you will find the crowd very welcoming even if read.

One night, shortly after SRS, I was privately bemoaning to a girl guitar buddy--we used to jam outside on the patio of the Wild Side on Sundays---that I still was not a natal woman---she said, something like, "Sister, just put that out of your mind, you are one of us now." For some dykes, going through all of this "just" to "become" a woman is like the ultimate accomplishment and deserves the ultimate respect! 

[AbraCadabra]

Well, my take on the bar and club experiences is...
if one hangs out in less mainstream places you will MOST CERTAINLY get less mainstream assessments/looks/and being read for god know what. F2M-2F-2M-2? ... Like, who spots the trannie, and then some lessies might even feel flattered to be misread?
If one finds these games stimulating and entertaining... then go right ahead.

Well, and if not --- hang out somewhere else more mainstream.

The MORE a given environment is 'educated' about our specifics, the more you will wind up on the 'test bench' of opinionated guessing. Easy peasy

Axélle
PS: as for dignity... as I said before, I found transitioning THE most humbling experience in my life to date... what more to say...