Ouch....

[GypsySoul]

I am starting to understand why a lot of couples involved with transitions do not last. The sad part is that it has very little to do with my love and myself. It is everyone else that is making it hard.

Since telling my grandparents and brother we have also told my mother... When we told her it was all happy thoughts, I support yous and a few questions about the oddities of our situation. Then today (we told her just a few days ago) she came over and was talking to me saying that 'if you stay with C after he transitions fully then the lifestyle he has put you in will make you an abomination". WTF? I am a Christian woman and I fully believe that loving someone without condition does not make me evil.... I am so hurt by her saying this... I honestly dont know why b/c her opinion has mattered very little in any aspect of my life in years.

She then goes on to say that if my ex finds out about this at the wrong time and decides to fight me for custody of our daughter even though I already have court appointed full custody if we get a 'christian like' judge that Claires transition could easily be grounds to overturn the custody judgement and have it transferred to my ex...... As if I am not already terrified of loosing my kids b/c of this!

And then theres my grandmother, who is not in any way trying to hurt me, but who does keep pointing out the statistic probability that my marriage will fail.

I just want everyone to be quiet! I have enough to deal with without people talking down on me. How do you handle this???

[Jeneva]

I'm working on talking Shannon into posting, but until then here are how some of these issues have affected us.

I wish we could offer a lot of help, but....

Shannon has had to write off a chunk of her family because of their extreme religious viewpoints (however most of them were already distant).

Her direct family isn't religious so we didn't get hit with the abomination, but she did get a lot of pressure to divorce immediately before it caused social damage.  In the end she had to tell her mother point blank that if she had to decide between them and me that they weren't going to win before they backed off.  Having to play that card is terrifying and it may mean the end of the family relationship, but in our case it helped her mother understand that this was real and now after six months she is a strong ally instead of a detractor.

We can't help with the custody aspect, but I do wonder if that is as much as worry as it would have been even a year or two ago.  As time continues to pass, society is gradually getting more accepting.

As far as your grandmother goes, think about this.  Because of this struggle you have decided to stand with her.  Sure there are more forces working to tear you apart, but you are entering this fully committed and not just along for the ride until the car breaks down.  Doesn't that help your odds to be at least as good as if she wasn't transitioning, but was still isolated?  Ask your grandmother to focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.  We create the world we live in and a negative mind creates all sorts of problems.

And finally there is always this:
C-3PO: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.
Han Solo: Never tell me the odds.

[JoanneB]

Let me get this straight. You are going to burn in hell and become an abomination if you stay with 'C' yet cheating on her with another woman is a good thing? 

[Beth Andrea]

Wedding vows are usually something along the lines of, "...love and honor each other, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part."

That's my catch-all for anyone who doesn't accept me. If "someone" becomes a problem, no matter WHO they are, I sure as heck will forsake them.

transitive verb
: to renounce or turn away from entirely <friends have forsaken her> <forsook the theater for politics>

[justmeinoz]

Maybe it will come down to telling Mother to mind her own business point blank.

[cindianna_jones]

Oh, be nice to mom. You won't regret it later on. Ultimately, it is your decision how you will sort through it all. I've been through the divorce, the child support, the loss of family. It all sorts itself out somehow. Those who have forsaken me are people I wouldn't want to spend much time with, for the most part. I do miss my kids, but I tried very hard to keep in contact. It was their decision to break it off. I respect their decision and deal with it as best as I can. So do what you have to do. Keep your anger squelched and be civil to everyone.

Chin up!
Cindi

[Jeneva]

As an adult I am not as good of a drinking buddy (babysitter) or as 'controllable'... I think it bothers her that I am not at her beck and call anymore and she will do as she has always done and try to sew the seeds of discord in my marriage.

I understand this aspect of family all too well.  Interestingly in my case it is my family that is like this and not Shannon's.  Once you don't dance to their tune anymore then they will do all they can to try and bring you back.  Even before I came out and went full time, they were hardly speaking to me because I didn't toe the family line.  Even before it was constant complaints and snarky remarks from them about how we were doing x or y "different" from how I was told it was to be done by them.  I'm not sure that it is really even about Claire except that she makes a good weapon to try and bring you back.  It is the "monolithic" southern family structure and its absolute control you are fighting now.  I wish I could help, but in my case the only thing that worked was to simply not contact them and let them snub me when we meet in public, but a handful will in private tell me how everyone is doing.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that added stress.