Sex (NSFW)

[Starlight]

To start with, for those who don't know me, I'm a 26 y/o MtF, 2 years on hormones / post FFS / full time / no SRS yet.

So I've been dating a girl for a month now. We're getting on really well, except the physical act of sex is proving tricky. 
She's really supportive, and very sensitive towards the issue though which I feel so lucky to have found. 
I'm bisexual, so a lot of my previous partners have been male, which has simplified things some what (I'd never use my equipment to penetrate a guy). 
It's also left me in a slight dilema now though. 
Firstly I don't know whether I feel comfortable being sexual active with a female partner, 
and secondly I'm not even sure I know *how* to be sexual active with a female.

It sounds a little bizare, but I'm usually quite passive in the bedroom, 
where as the person doing the penetrating is usually the one in the more dominant role (which is something that feels very alien to me). 
Sure there are some positions where she can take the lead, but things just don't seem to be clicking when we try.
I was always very adversed to using my equipment for anything besides going to the toilet, 
but she is so respectful and understanding of the issue that I feel comfortable with her. 
So much so that I *want* to be more intimate with her, I just don't know how.
Every aspect of my life is now more or less female, so letting a male aspect back in 
(or at least trying to utilise it until I get SRS) has made me quite upset and confused. 
The problem is further compounded by the fact that i've only ever really envisaged myself in the recieving role, 
so having the roles reversed just feels so unnatural and unsexy to me. 

 I guess I'm intereted in is hearing from any of you who've had experience in a similar situation. 
Have you had any experience of sex pre-op while retaining your femininity? 
How have you delt with the discrepancy between how you feel internally and how you are able to act physically?

[EmmaMcAllister]

Does your partner feel comfortable in the dominant role? If so, equipment is just a hurdle, not an unpassable barrier. You might wish to explore:

-Massage/Body Worship
-Cunnilingus
-Tribbing
-Strap-ons or other sex toys.

Where there's a will, there's a way!

[violetdancer94]

One of the therapist I saw was telling me about MTF and FTM couples that are both pre-op. Even though they're body parts were "reversed" they still are able to have good relationships. Being feminine isn't about certain body parts.. plus when it's right it's more of a mind and spiritual experience. Don't sweat it =)

[justmeinoz]

Have you tried saying that the whole thing is freaking you out, and you need her help.  Main thing I think is being able to laugh about any problems, and relax. 

I envy you, I am still trying to get over a lot of post-divorce trust issues, before I start actively looking for a relationship.

Karen.

[EmmaM]

I have such experience. Just relax, you can have lots of fun (even pre-op) with a good partner. I can't stress relaxing. You don't and you get in your own way.

Make sure your feelings are understood and try not to stress sex, as it can not, at this point, be the most important part of your relationship. Making that mistake is bad, as you are not yet uninhibited.

[Beth Andrea]

Does your partner feel comfortable in the dominant role? If so, equipment is just a hurdle, not an unpassable barrier. You might wish to explore:

-Massage/Body Worship
-Cunnilingus
-Tribbing
-Strap-ons or other sex toys.

Where there's a will, there's a way!

These...and spanking! That's one area my ex would not go, though...omg I wanted a good spanking from her! 

For me, it was always more erotica/sensuous behaviors, not necessarily "the act" itself (I couldn't do the "man-thing" without severe anxieties). Anything to enhance and prolong The Act, until either of us were practically begging to 'come'.

That said, we haven't been together in bed for many, many months.

[PrincessLeiah]

My partner and I have had to do some adjusting around this as I've begun to transition. I don't have a problem occasionally using my boy parts for penetrative sex, but it's definitely not my favorite thing to do.

Rest assured that there are lots and lots of ways to please your female partner that don't involve penetration. Giving cunnilingus is probably the most enjoyable thing there is to do in bed, and if she likes penetration, there's no reason you can't do just as much with a sex toy as you can with the real thing--to be honest, a real penis can't really hold a candle to a well designed vibrator, as much as men would like to pretend otherwise On the receiving end, I've discovered that being penetrated with a toy is lots of fun, and treating my penis more like a clitoris generally gets me going much more.

One thing to consider is that while issues of dominance and submission tend to creep into heterosexual sex (and probably gay male sex too, though I really don't know much about that), female on female sex can be a lot more mutual. It can be about sharing something special and not so much about one person taking control. Not to say that lots of lesbians aren't into Dom and sub roles, but if you take some time to reconnect with yourself there may be a way to understand sex without there having to be a top and a bottom. Being active and pleasing your partner doesn't have to mean you're being "dominant" and receiving and being pleased doesn't have to mean you're being "submissive."

Just my 2 cents.