I'm not looking for sympathy here. What's done is done. I've grieved and continue to grieve as needed. But this is a message to the rest of you who still have a choice in the matter. Sometimes you can wait too long.
The thought had been going through my head for a few months now about how to tell my mother. I had resolved to tell her over Christmas vacation. That was before an accident during a colonoscopy punctured her intestines and led to repeated infections and complications. And then, just when we thought she was starting to recover, she passed away suddenly Monday.
Last week my trip home for Christmas got rescheduled and became a trip home for a funeral, all in guy mode because I'm nowhere near full time yet and not out to lots of relatives. They didn't need that distraction while dealing with mom's death. Still, the two crying over the casket were my sister and myself. That got some whispers behind my back from my brothers (who know) and friends and cousins (who don't know). I forgot how taboo men crying is in eastern Ohio.
But there were subtle differences too. My sister's husband knows and he hugged me rather than shaking my hand. My brothers hugged me as well.
And worst of all, she's gone. I'll never be able to tell her. I'll never be able to seek her counsel. I'm almost certain she would have accepted me and continued to love me as her child. She is why my siblings have accepted me.
But she's gone.
Every one of you debating about when to tell someone you love - you can wait too long. You can lose that chance forever. Don't rush it but remember, none of us are promised tomorrow. Maybe you can be wiser than me in making that choice of when to tell someone you love.
