HI

[SUMMERWINE]

SO HERE GOES

hi all im 49 and male body but female mind. i recently started to address the issues ive pushed to the back of life. ill make it simple not an epic story. from young felt different and was very very shy. grew up not having male desires and was always a bit of a billy no mates. just the kid on the outside of the group. part of this i now know was the fact i didnt want to be one of the lads. did the usual things like got a job ect but always had mood swings and jobs used to end in a moody fit with me throwing the teddy out the cot. i grew up pre internet so i tended to be isolated as didnt have any contact with people who were in similar situations. spent middle life just trying to bury my head in work but with the constant mood swing it became an up and down life.when the internet started i identified as gay as it seemed a place to fit in. it was then i realized that as far as the sex went i always identified as a woman, i wanted sex as a woman not in a fantasy sort of way but in a internal expectations and feelings sort of way. i thought then that something i had felt all my life was true that the genitalia was wrong. sounds stupid but if youve been through it you will know what i mean. i can honestly say i dont hate male genitalia like some do just that its the wrong body for the mind if that makes sense. im very aware that on the outside i am male in looks and being 6"2  id stand out as a woman. i would not hesitate to have srs that i do know as this is no 5 minute fantasy. i do enjoy my tight fitting jeans and being tucked so there is a desire now to look nicer.
i will add that im hiv positive thanks to a real down time and depression but i dont see that as a problem. for now im growing my hair and generally shrugging off the male outside. do i have to look like everyone expects a woman to look well no im more a tomboy type but what is very important to me is to loose the male genitalia and have the correct body my mind relates to. its strange for some to understand but i could happily be the most androginess woman going as long as the parts look correct. its then my choice as to how i present to the world.
i have just started seeing a phyc and have started mood stabilizers. i have also asked about killing off the testosterone to see if that helps stabilize my thoughts and mood. its hard work as it seems a taboo subject with them which is odd but i wont let it drop so dont be surprised if i rabbit on about it. i can be very open and approach some subjects probably to openly but ive learnt that being timid doesnt get you anywhere.

[V M]

Hi 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi SUMMERWINE,

Welcome to our little family. Over 7536  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.


Janet 

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Summerwine,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. I'm pleased you have had the opportunity to come to terms with the real you. It can be such a liberating experience. your upbringing that you related to doesn't seem to different to what most of us experienced as well. Quite normal in fact.

You'll find as you look round this site, a mountain of information, resources and friendships waiting for you. Don't become too concerned by what you look like on the outside, it's what's on the inside that really counts. As you develop and flourish into the person you were meant to be, people can't help but notice the real personality.

I look forward to hearing more about you in time to come, however in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Devlyn]

Hi Summerwine, it's nice to meet you! I live near Boston, this is a worldwide family so bring your universal translator. Have fun and see you around, hugs, Devlyn

[Jamie D]

Hi, Summerwine.  We have quite a few tall girls here.

Welcome, from southern California.

[Cindy]

Hi Summerwine from another Aussie. Welcome and join in. Good to hear you are seeing a psyche that is a very positive step.

Join on in and don't be nervous, only JamieD bites and we have confiscated her dentures.

Hugs

Cindy