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Am I obligated to tell people I flirt with that I'm trans?

Started by grelliot, July 17, 2012, 12:12:02 PM

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grelliot

So I met this super gorgeous, funny, and smart girl this weekend and we've really been hitting it off. I email her all the time and she keeps complimenting me and suggesting meeting up.
But the thing is, I don't know if she knows I'm ftm or not. I'm pre-T but I now speak very softly and lowly so my voice doesn't give me away. I pass pretty decently, I guess, and she has only ever referred to me using masculine pronouns.
I really, really like her and I don't want to scare her off or something, but at the same time, if I'm going to be rejected, I'd prefer it be before I like her more than I already do.

So, to my question: Am I obligated to tell her? Should I have told her when we first started flirting? And what do you think I should do now? Should I wait until I know she really cares for me and then subtly drop hints?
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Rena-san

I feel like you need to tell her as soon as you can now. And you do need to do it in person. For some people that is a really big thing; they couldn't imagine even being seen with a person who doesn't fit into a two option biological gender category. Others have no problem with it. I suspect that the girl you mention will be very understanding and nice about it.
And no, you shouldn't wait any longer. Just tell her you need to talk next time you see her and then look her in the eyes and tell her about yourself and who you are.
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Edge

I am jealous of your ability to pass.
I don't think you're obligated to tell people in general you flirt with, but it would be a good idea to tell someone if you start dating them.
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~RoadToTrista~

Nope, it's not like you're dating, lolz. But if it does lead to that then yes, you should tell her before it becomes serious.
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Catherine Sarah

Hi grelliot,

I must admit I'm in two minds about it while you are still going through the motions of transitioning.

To some degree depending on how the relationship develops I would think there would be a time and place to discuss this matter, but not first. I'd look at the compatibility of you both first, develop some trust between yourselves and then when you start getting into deeper relationship matters, it may be prudent to discuss it. After all, as you are pre-T and most other things, no doubt, you may not be that committed. I don't know. Only you can answer that question.

Certainly should you later fully transition, assuming you start a new relationship with someone else, I don't believe it is anyones business to know what medical procedures you have been subjected to. My interpretation of having fully transitioned means your gender in congruency has been corrected, making you now your proper gender and you are no longer considered transgendered. In much the same way as everyone else who has had surgical procedure to correct ANY sickness or disease, like cancer or bone fractures etc. What classification are you going to give to a woman who has had a hysterectomy? How about a "woman". What about a man who has had his prostate removed. How about a "man"

Why therefore maintain a outdated label of "transgendered", on a MTF after they have had GCS?  After all, isn't that what GCS stands for? Gender CORRECTION surgery.

Please note this is my own personal opinion, and it will be the attitude I will assume post surgery.

Hope things work out for you both, and you are able to find your own solution, that you are comfortable with.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine




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King Malachite

I think you should feel out the situation but if it were me I wouldn't say anything until the relationship started to head in a romantic direction or even if you two are starting to be good friends.
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Ayden

If you decide not to pursue anything and you two end up friends, then disclosing would be a matter of how comfortable you feel. If you go beyond just flirting and being friends then yes, you should tell her. Its always best to build your relationships on a foundation of honesty.
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