Baby Blues

[Kreuzfidel]

Does anyone else feel...well, like crap...when happy couples all around you are announcing that they're pregnant?  For me, I want to be a father so badly - and so many of our friends and family are pregnant now.  I get so damn envious of how easy it is for them to conceive - how lucky the men are.  On top of that, I find it hard to be around my nephew (2 years old).  I can't stop thinking of how lucky he is to have a male body and I get sad for my lost childhood when I see how everyone treats him - "little man", "Tiger", all the boy treatment.  Just down.  Am I alone in these feelings?

[anibioman]

it sucks i was holding my cousin he is a month old now i think and it made me think of how i want to have kids and be a dad and watch them grow up. it does suck also being around my younger brother used to be hard on me be cause he is a mans man and he was showing all the tell tale signs of male puberty but then i started T and now its all good.

[geek]

i actually cry over not being able to have pregnancy scares with my GF :/ sometimes we have it really rough, but i totally understand

[wheat thins are delicious]

No, you aren't alone.  The fact that I'll never be able to get a woman pregnant is one of the hardest things for me about transition.

[DevonArron]

Hey bro,
I get that. I think about what it would be like to well in blunt terms knock my girlfriend up. To know she is carrying my kid. That part gets to me. I have a two year old niece and being uncle dev is good for me for now. I never know what life has to offer and so I try not to over think what I dont have. But I do get the baby blues from time to time.

Dev

[DeadBoy]

I know that feeling. Whenever someone i know gets pregnant it really gets to me. It's a mixed feeling of being happy for them and being sad and jealous. Same thing whenever a boy I know enters puberty. My younger brother is really turning into a man now and it's hard to see it happen when it feels I'm just a boi stuck in childhood. It's stuff like that which remind me that I'm just kidding myself when trying to tell myself and others I'm "just butch".
On a happier note: when my sister was 4 or 5, she used to call me her prince and say she was going to marry me lol. That always made me feel like the big brother

[Darrin Scott]

I feel this way too. I wish I could have pregnancy scares. I mean, sure, they aren't great when you don't want a kid, but I wish it was a possibility I could get someone pregnant.

[King Malachite]

Kreuzfidel I understand what you are going through man.  I got the baby blues even if I'm not entirely sure that I'd want kids if I was a biological male.  I want to be able to at least have the option to do so.  When I stalk check out former classmates I saw that one guy had started a family with his girlfriend.  I was happy for him but sad for myself.  It hurts to hear people talk about how their children are their lives and how everything they do now is for them and that how they would be so unhappy without their kids and are so thankful for them.  Some even go as far as to tattoo their names on them.  They have every right to love their kids but I wish I had that kind of happiness secretly even if their constant talk about their children annoys me.   I hope I can meet a lover who has zero interest in kids because if they do then I will just feel so horrible at myself for not being able to have kids like a biological male.  At any rate though I'd much rather wish I had the seed to impregnate her.  Like Darrin I wish I could  have a pregnancy scare.



  I get jealous of my brother in law because he's like the strong perfect man to me who is smart,attractive, have a good job, and fathered two children with my sister.  It always gets to me which is the reason I always acted out around him and got in trouble because he's the man I want to be like. 

  I look at his son who is my nephew and he is 4 years old and I just see the happiness that he has and I do get really jealous of him because when I see him and other little boys I see the lost childhood that I was supposed to have.  All those feelings of isolation and awkwardness as a child come back to me.  He will say things to me like "when I grow up I will become a big strong man just like my daddy".  It hurts because I know it's true.  He will get to experience and do the things I never got to experience just because I had a vagina and chances are he will get to enjoy his body and love it as a biological male.....something I wish I could do.

Then I look at his daughter and I see my own personal hurt.  I don't do it on purpose but I just feel sad for myself.  When my mother is combing her hair she cries and when that happens I get immediate traumatizing flash backs of my mother combing my hair when I was younger and I can remember the pain and tears as I was screaming for it to stop.  It wasn't supposed to be me going through that. 

I just hope that both of them can be happy with the body they were given so they don't have to go through the things I will have to go through.



Yeah I have it bad.

[go..ogle]

You are definitely not alone in having these feelings.

I always feel weird& this sadness creeps in when I see dads at shul w/their children.

I get pissed off at myself for feeling this way because I probably wouldn't want to have children if I could get a woman pregnant anyway. I suppose I just get down at not having the option like most of the other men around me.

[Michael Joseph]

All my life i've wanted to be a father of a child that is my blood that people can look at and say he looks just like you. it is hard. and i know what your saying abt the childhood thing too. i was at my little cousins house the other day his friend was over and just to see the way they got treated like boys and how i missed out on that really does bring me down sometimes

[Arch]

Don't get me talking about father-son crap. I don't deal with it very well.

With that said, I have absolutely no desire to have children. Whatsoever.

[Make_It_Good]

Im completely understand the pain you feel when acknowledging the sad fact that I cant biologically be a father.
I know there are other ways, sperm donor etc, which is my most likely route,but still, its so frustrating and it just is crap that Id have to go through that process, when I know Ill make an amazing amazing Father, when careless people who couldnt care less, can start a family so easily.

[Natkat]

I know the felling, in my situation you much kinda deside what you want, to get dignosed with ->-bleeped-<- and get your gendermarked change you would say goodbye to options like sperm donation or adoption.

I know a couple of transpeople who has kids but its all biologically and been in there past, I never heard of anyone who got thought adoption or with a dona, even when I know some who tried.

its not 100% imposible nothing is, but I would say in mu current situation its like 90% imposible if I dont go "biological/traditional way" and I wont cause pregnacys creep me out, even seeing other womens being pregnant are kinda wierd for me.

as it said before I wish I had the option, I grew up thinking "why even bother I cant get marrige and I cant get children" when people asked me I said so because it was too complicated to explain all the details,
that I in fact didnt want to carry a child but I wanted to be the father".

I do feel its much a "either you go off homones and get pregnant or you dont have children at all" choice, and I understand those who really really want children more than anything ells in there life that they do so, But for me its way too painful to go tought. I thouhgt maybe I could help suporing a child for one of my friends or something.

[Ayden]

I guess you guys want the whole package deal, the good and the bad lumped together, and that's why you're jealous of pregnancy scares.  Personally, I'm not.  At all.

I'm gay and I will never be okay with getting pregnant, so adoption or surrogacy are it, and I will never have that kind of money.  I can't say that I would never consider raising a kid, but I don't feel too strongly about it, and altogether it seems like such a moot point that it's not worth deciding.

This. My husband and I are gay, and we don't want kids. If we change our minds and do decide later on that we want kids, we will foster or adopt, but given my trans status, who knows if that would ever work. I'm also horribly tocophobic, so pregnant women, childbirth and all that really bother me. I can't see a pregnant woman without getting the jibblies, but its not because of my dysphoria, oddly enough. I just always picture the chest exploding from Alien...

[Jesse7]

When I start getting down about stuff like this i try to remeber that even if I was cis male, I may not be able to have kids anyway. If I was born cis male that wouldn't mean my life would have been automatically better, I might be just as unhappy  for a 100 other reasons.

[Arch]

I'm also horribly tocophobic, so pregnant women, childbirth and all that really bother me. I can't see a pregnant woman without getting the jibblies, but its not because of my dysphoria, oddly enough.

Me, too, but I'm pretty sure it's from my gender issues. I just can't imagine having that...parasite...living inside my body and sucking the life out of me. I don't see how anyone does it. And yet they do.

And then, of course, you have to deal with the aftermath for years and years.

I do wish they could turn my o's into testicles, but I would never use the "proceeds" to make babies.

[Frank]

I've always wanted to leave my mark on someone like that, but I always knew, even as a kid it would never be mine or possibly not even adopted. Just move to the city or something and let all the kids run around the place. (Yeah, and get shot one day. Awesome.)

I get the parasite thing though. Eugh. Disgusting.

[DeadBoy]

When I start getting down about stuff like this i try to remeber that even if I was cis male, I may not be able to have kids anyway. If I was born cis male that wouldn't mean my life would have been automatically better, I might be just as unhappy  for a 100 other reasons.

This!

[Kreuzfidel]

Thanks for the replies, guys.  It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling the way I do.  It's hard.  Today we went to my nephew's 2nd birthday party.  My wife's sister is pregnant again and there were two other women there with young toddlers.  It's a really crap feeling sitting there and A) feeling like a loser while the fathers in the room get to cuddle and interact with their biological children and B) feeling like a loser knowing my wife wants kids really badly and has to see all this baby joy while our plans are on hold because I don't have testicles or sperm.

And it just really hurts I guess.  Having to go through the enormous expense of transitioning only to have to turn around and endure the expense of IVF/AI and the legal dramas associated with it. 

If only I had been born with the right gear - we would be most likely planning our own baby's birthday party.

[Natkat]

but its not because of my dysphoria, oddly enough. I just always picture the chest exploding from Alien...

good to know im not alone on this wierd thought.