A few questions, just don't know what to do.

[kaide]

First off, I hope I'm posting in the right area, didn't see anything on "fashion" or anything like that.

I haven't posted on here in a very long time, but I've ran into something I just need advice on from people who understand where i'm coming from.

My boyfriend has been wanting to introduce me to some friends, but not for the first time, I mean I've met them like once and don't know them at all. Well apparently I was "read" from just that one visit, which i'm sure some of you may understand, being read after one visit is real disheartening, you think it wouldn't be that easy to be figured out and when you do it makes you feel like you are doing something wrong.

Well they want me to come hang out, but they always want to go swimming, never anything else. I moved out here to avoid harassment, came from a place where my car windows were shot out, people call you names ect, so I was happy moving in with my boyfriend to avoid that, where people don't know me. But i'm afraid of going swimming, especially basically meeting people for the first time, on top of it being an apartment swimming pool which means a lot more people, so a lot more chances of harassment. His friends don't understand, never knowing a transgender, so they are like oh just tell her to wear something she feels comfortable in, or just wear shorts. well wet swim trunks cling, and that makes me more self conscious. Which makes my boyfriend just go with out me which causes fights between us because I feel he just doesn't care, or understand himself.

So anyways, sorry for being long winded, but my questions are, am I over reacting? Should I just go, even though I risk getting outed, possible harassment, or from my experience from my old area, threatened. Even if I tuck, swimming, will that cause things to come untuck? I'm also afraid if some of them figured me out after just a brief meeting, whats stopping other people in the apartment figuring me out? On top of everything I can't even swim, have a phobia of it from almost drowning when I was younger, so that makes it worst. They also told me to come just not swim, which means i'm invited to a pool party, just not to swim, which to me makes no sense, and means i'll just be in a corner by myself.

My first solution was to get a one piece with maybe a skirt, to help hide, but after wearing that once to the lake my friends told me no because it looks like a "grandma" swim suit, i'm in my 20's so on top of all the other stuff I'm trying to fit in with my age group, which sadly my age group is 2 piece bikini's, which I just don't see how that's possible to even wear even if I tuck really well.

Anyways, i'm just stressed because its causing problems with my bf and I, we fight every time he's invited to swim, he knows I wont go, but I don't want to be one of those gfs that says no you can't see your friends, but I just feel he's not willing to compromise and suggest doing something else with his friends. We were supposed to go to a bbq by the pool, an unofficial swim party imo. I asked him to just not swim so I wasn't the only one not going to swim, but he got mad and just cancled because I was being unfair, I didn't think asking him to not swim this one time since he really wanted me to go, was "unfair" he's always just gone by himself and left me at home. So is that unfair?

Thanks a lot, and again sorry its so long...

[pretty]

Okay, I'm not gonna comment on your relationship because that's your thing and people get kinda mad at me when I do that but that aside....

If you wanna go to the pool, what about a swim skirt?



They can be cute and come in different lengths.

But yea stay safe  that sounds terrible about your old neighborhood.

[Rising_Angel]

Sweetie, it's all about accessories!  A waist scarf can hide everything and make you look amazingly glamorous!



I myself am terrified of swimming, I almost drowned  when I was younger.  I find that (especially at an apartment pool) sitting on the side with my legs in keeps me involved and keeps all that parts of me I want to stay dry, dry.  If anyone asks, explain your phobia of water, nothing more needs mentioned.

[justmeinoz]

How about a pair of Speedos under Board Shorts? That should give some coverage. 
I take it you are comfortable with your top half.
If you explain your history, maybe just sit on the side at the shallow end and dangle your feet in, or just stand at the edge in the shallows.  Sort of de-sensitising therapy.

Karen.

[kaide]

How about a pair of Speedos under Board Shorts? That should give some coverage. 
I take it you are comfortable with your top half.
If you explain your history, maybe just sit on the side at the shallow end and dangle your feet in, or just stand at the edge in the shallows.  Sort of de-sensitising therapy.

Karen.

No, i'm not comfortable with my top half, I have a small frame so I have a small chest too. So I can come off very androgynous with out a padded bra on.

Thanks for the suggests though, I'll look into some of those swim wear, until then just wont go, which will probably just cause more problems... but can't help it.

[JennX]

Well first off if your BF really CARES he would never put you in a situation (such as this one) that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Someone asked a similar question in the MTF section here, so I'll just repost my response here from that thread as it is very relavent:

It can be done. I live in Miami, FL and on Miami Beach... particularly South Beach, every day is basically a skin-show. The less clothing the better is the norm. I will say it depends on how big or small your package is to begin with. I don't have much to hide, so that's a big help for me. Now if you are in Lexington Steele territory, you might want to stick to a one piece. A smaller, tighter fighting pair of panties or better still a small g-string will help. Also a small thong pad or thin maxi pad cut to fit will help as well. You won't be the first girl with her period on the beach if anyone asks. .

Basically stick to darker color bikini bottoms. Black, dark blues, etc. Stay away from white, yellow, or any light floral patters. Also don't go too itty-bitty, or with a string bikini. That's asking for trouble. Been there, done that. Not fun... no matter how cute you look in the mirror.

Someone mentioned tape... it will come off. Too much heat and movement going on down there. It will un-stick after a period, and usually at the worst time, so don't bother. Also keep a pair of jean cut-shorts in your bag if anything "goes wrong". Many girls will rock the bikini top + cut-off shorts look most anywhere near the beach.

BTW Skirt suits, tankinis, et al do scream grand-ma. Hell, where I live, you get labeled as a grandmother for a simple one piece back suit.

Good luck.

[kaide]

Well I finally worked things out I suppose. I'm going to go with one of my friends to help me find something, she's bout my size, and age so that will help. I finally got my bf to understand my side, I told him he can wear swimming briefs at the pool, he said no, he'd just feel awkward and embarrassed, told him welcome to my world. You'd put me in the same situation, so now he sees my point. Basically, he wont wear them, so he wont go swimming at the pool.

So, I, like usual, tried to compromise because for some reason I always try and make him happy, so I told him we will go to the lake, alone, until I'm comfortable at a closed in swimming pool with a crowd of people.

Thanks for the advice, it's helped a lot, now just to find the courage to actually go out to the lake and not drown

[Rising_Angel]

I'm glad we could help!  It's important to me that you live your life to fullest!  We've all spent far too long denying ourselves ... we deserve to live, love, and enjoy!

P.S. - He's a cutie!

[kaide]

Lol thanks. Well I didn't get with him for looks or anything, majority of the time he's a good guy... but they all have their days

[Rising_Angel]

Tell me about it lol!  But I'm a sucker for smilers ... some guys act like their allergic to joy!

[kaide]

Oh yeah, that's one thing he's not allergic to, he's a real friendly person, type of person who would go out, meet a random person on the street, and end up becoming friends with them.