Hi folks, I guess am back to susans after a long time with a few shadow visits in between,...
the reason I guess I didnt post is because I was not sure if I was doing the right thing for myself and after a year and half of trying to figure out on my own am back to square one.
I wanted to come back for some time now but didnt know how so please forgive me my brothers, sisters, friends... I'm sorry for being an idiot and not being able to post... but with 12 hour shifts and spending time with my partner and parents, it was nearly impossible for sometime ...
Then I realized I never really posted an intro of myself so I thought what the hell why not...
Lets start so far with a brief summary of life since then...:
Yesterday evening, I finished reading Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher (its 1 am here and am very sleepy ... so yesterday was just few hours ago). It was an amazing book and it took a year of searching and hoping before I finally got the book...
When I last posted I was very happy - and I mean extremely happy about being in a relationship with someone who loves me despite what I was ... Or so I thought ... then a month ago she tells me that she has slept with someone else... now this may seem old fashioned but we were both holding out for marriage... and this happened while I was busy saving for an engagement ring... and it seemed that although she still cares for me a lot as a friend thats all there is to it and though she finally understands what I am going through - well somewhat, she was not able to deal with it while being in a relationship with me...
Her sister and her are now my closest/best friends with me and I have no other nearby friends who are understanding and caring about me... and I am glad I still have them... although I am still hurting about what has happened I am trying to accept it... and move on if I can.
My mom who know my secret now hates me and teases and insults/taunts me all the time because of it. and my dads well - sorta on the fence for now - but knowing him he will always take my moms side no matter what ...
to make matters worse I have tried to avoid hormones/therapy because of fear/cost/etc ... and now am regretting it like mad...
my expensive laser surgery that I saved for - for years - was a flop - a complete disaster - and now the large amount of body hair is back in most places and I have ruined my sensitive skin even more
and its just that I dont know if I go on without some kind of support the way I am ...
a few years ago - months before joining Susans's I nearly killed myself... tried to hang myself when I was alone but chicken out just as the noose was about to get tighten at the very last second...
I am glad to have met folks as supportive as everyone here - and I hope I am able to be a valued member/ or a friend for everyone at susans...
