Favorite lines by people who "just don't get it"

[Alex_K]

I'm impressed with the amount of God related excuses that people give you to prevent you from transitioning... I live in Catalunya, Spain, one of the most catholic countries of Europe... but NOBODY has told me yet that I'm going against God's will...!

[Emily Aster]

My favorite line:

"God doesn't make mistakes."

Well if God doesn't make mistakes, then it's no mistake that your God-given gift of free will has lead you down a path to transition.

[Kevin Peña]

Well if God doesn't make mistakes, then it's no mistake that your God-given gift of free will has lead you down a path to transition.

If no one else will say it, I will: OOOOOOOH SNAP! 

[Elspeth]

"You just need to get a job and meet real men and real women and you'll see that your ideas about gender roles are all imagined."

The worst part is, I can see her point.

How are gender roles the issue?  To the extent possible at the time, I've had roles that are usually associated with women for nearly all my adult life. What convinced me that my early identification and intuitions were correct had little to do with adopting specific roles. It had everything to do with feeling wrong about the body and hormones I was being exposed to.

I understand expressing things in terms of roles, since a lot of my early therapy experience tended to center on such issues, and for some time that was how I tended to frame things (in part because my therapist tended to fill in blanks instead of listening, but I was a willing participant in that, at least to some degree). It took time to pin down (and feel willing to express) how that was not as much the issue as I'd tended to frame it at that time.

Sorry to veer away from "favorite lines" -- I'm just curious about how the conversations between you and (I presume this is your mom speaking?) happened to focus on gender roles?

[AlexD]

How are gender roles the issue?  To the extent possible at the time, I've had roles that are usually associated with women for nearly all my adult life. What convinced me that my early identification and intuitions were correct had little to do with adopting specific roles. It had everything to do with feeling wrong about the body and hormones I was being exposed to.

I understand expressing things in terms of roles, since a lot of my early therapy experience tended to center on such issues, and for some time that was how I tended to frame things (in part because my therapist tended to fill in blanks instead of listening, but I was a willing participant in that, at least to some degree). It took time to pin down (and feel willing to express) how that was not as much the issue as I'd tended to frame it at that time.

Sorry to veer away from "favorite lines" -- I'm just curious about how the conversations between you and (I presume this is your mom speaking?) happened to focus on gender roles?

I dunno... I've spent a long time trying to tell myself that gender is entirely a social construct in an effort to deal with being female, and I've complained a lot about gender roles and sexism to my mother. I've also got extremely little experience with social interactions, due to childhood issues, so between those two things I suppose she sees my problem as some big silly deal I've made out of nothing. Maybe it is. I dunno.

[Keira]

"You're just doing this for attention"

"You just do this because you're sexually frustrated"

I've gotten these recently...

[Gen88]

Sitting at a bar with my Ex, he says "I dont think "born in the wrong body is right", doctors are wrong alot"...followed by "well, I know your happier, but its only been one year, you should think alot more before cutting a great dick off"

I really wonder if he thinks I just started thinking about this or researching it this last year...? and does he think id consider "cutting it off" if I were not SURE it is what is right for me?!

[Alex_K]

Yesterday I remembered something that happened to me 9 years ago, the first time I came out. A friend told me that I had to go and see a professional psychologist that she knew about. Apparently, that "professional" was a graphology teacher (yes, the magic therapy that can describe your character with accuracy by looking at your handrighting and your signature).

I was young and ignorant, and I didn't know that graphology was raw bull->-bleeped-<-. She told me that, according to the shape of the tail of my "G", it was clear that I was gay, and that I had to forget about sex change because "not everyone that have a sex change end up looking like Bibi Andersen". Of course I didn't want to be a supermodel, but her attitude and authority had me doubting about transitioning again. That alone didn't make me wait until now to transition, but it contributed very much to make me doubt and hide things under the rug.

So, well... now I can say that I was a victim of pseudo-science :-P

[Edge]

"I like masculine things. What does that make me?"

[Elspeth]

Sitting at a bar with my Ex, he says "I dont think "born in the wrong body is right", doctors are wrong alot"...followed by "well, I know your happier, but its only been one year, you should think alot more before cutting a great dick off"

I really wonder if he thinks I just started thinking about this or researching it this last year...? and does he think id consider "cutting it off" if I were not SURE it is what is right for me?!

Classic, self-centered and selfish "ex-partner think." The thing is, partners who have no experience of gender dysphoria (or who maybe have some mild dysphoria themselves that they try to project onto us) will say this kind of thing a lot more than they will actually ask questions.  I ran into this with my ex recently. We were having a long, private conversation after both of us had taken our trans son to his first two appointments with his gender issues therapist.

She was (and probably still is, since this conversation happened no more than 3 weeks ago)  in the "why didn't he say this to me earlier; this is just a phase" stages of denial. I'd been having conversations with him for years that suggested to me that he might be trans. Maybe I was wrong not to give him the terms (though I did help give him some info as he was starting to ask questions).  I avoided filling in the blanks too much, mainly because I didn't want to be accused of "coaching" him.  And there is some sign, for instance, that she reads my greater degree of acceptance as having some other motives -- like I would wish this on any child.

I reminded her that when we were planning to have children, my greatest concern and ambivalence was about the possibility that one or more might be male. This is not something I was wishing for.  I think that reminding her of that (something she remembered quite well once I mentioned it) did a lot to squash that particular unwarranted assumption. We agreed, though, that she really needs to educate herself and have some sessions alone with his therapist to start coming to grips with some of her concerns and attempts to negotiate over his identity.

[Kevin Peña]

"What kind of example are you setting for little kids?"

You know what, _____, you let your kids watch Looney Tunes, a cartoon in which a rabbit constantly cross-dresses and flirts with humans. If you find cross-dressing and inter-species mating to be ok, then what's wrong with me?

[Brooke777]

"What kind of example are you setting for little kids?"

You know what, _____, you let your kids watch Looney Tunes, a cartoon in which a rabbit constantly cross-dresses and flirts with humans. If you find cross-dressing and inter-species mating to be ok, then what's wrong with me?

I love this! It made me laugh! 

[Padma]

Be Yourself - a great example to set for little kids, all the way up to adults.

[Sarah Blomsterhatt]

"Did you choose to be transgender because you think it's cool?" - Some random ->-bleeped-<- asked a friend of mine this.

And

"Gör du det här för att vara cool?" - "Do you do this to be cool?" - My ex-girlfriends father when she told him she was transgender.

I don't see the connection between "cool" and "transgender" myself.

[Carolina1983]

"Did you choose to be transgender because you think it's cool?" - Some random ->-bleeped-<- asked a friend of mine this.

And

"Gör du det här för att vara cool?" - "Do you do this to be cool?" - My ex-girlfriends father when she told him she was transgender.

I don't see the connection between "cool" and "transgender" myself.

Nä speciellt coolt är det då inte iaf 

[Sarah Blomsterhatt]

Nä speciellt coolt är det då inte iaf 

A fellow Swede <3. Yeah, it's amazing the amount of stupid that can come out of the mouths of people with good intentions.

[Beth Andrea]

A fellow Swede <3. Yeah, it's amazing the amount of stupid that can come out of the mouths of people with good intentions.

Hmm...I wonder how "stupid" should be measured...cc's, cubic inches, metric tons....there's gotta be some way...

[Phoeniks]

"No... I think you're just used to dressing in clothes like that, there's nothing more to it."

Tell that to my dysphoria, darling. (For some reason, we haven't been friends for a couple of years...)

[King Malachite]

I haven't heard this yet but I'm 99 percent positive that my mother will say something like this:

"You need to get off that computer.  You stay on that computer too long and your getting these ideas from there."

When that happens, I will say, "I had these feelings long before I ever had a computer."

[Adam (birkin)]

I haven't heard this yet but I'm 99 percent positive that my mother will say something like this:

"You need to get off that computer.  You stay on that computer too long and your getting these ideas from there."

When that happens, I will say, "I had these feelings long before I ever had a computer."

\

Ack! I got this one! The Internets brainwashed me. I was so mad. I also got the "do you know any women that look like men? Maybe they looked glamorous?" -_-

Your proposed response is a good one. That you had these feelings before you used the internet. Another good one is "I've seen opinions of people who are supportive, yes, but also people who are not supportive. I've carefully considered this and I know this is the right thing."

I find that when I have the strength to be firm with people, and insist that this is something that is my decision and my decision alone, it often puts them at ease. It hasn't been that simple with some of my family, but meh.