Your Children

[PHXGiRL]

Well I'm sure this topic has been discussed already but I would like to know how some of you went out about telling your children about our transitions. I'm out to mostly everyone in my life already. The only very important person left is my daughter. I'm sure she will understand but will be a little confused at first. She is only 8 and has a huge heart. She sticks up against bullies in school. I talked to my therapist about it and he really didn't have a good answer for me. One being he isn't trans and two he has no kids. Her mother and I are on the same page and her mom is super accepting of my transition to Serena. She and I would just like it to be the easiest and most understanding way as possible. If there is any? I'm hoping to gain some knowledge from each of you and your experiences.

[peky]

I cannot tell you how to tell her, as in my case I was out since  they were born, so "Daddy is a she" is something they grew up with.

I can offer you that as my daughters got to be teens, there were moments when they did suffer because of the gossip in the neighborhood and in the school. However, once we established the : "yes, my dad is transgender, and I love her just the way she is. If you have a problem with that, then take it with her," the "issue" went away, and now nobody cares or comments anymore.

While things were rough back there, I found that the youngest and smallest of my daughters had big moxy, she was my big defender going to blows with anybody who said anything about me.  She is still pretty protective 🙂 My oldest boy and youngest boys are very quiet and very protective; my other son and my other daughters seem to be more or less indifferent to the whole thing.

Kids are very resilient, and if you love them and you are true to yourself, they would come for you

[Madison Leigh]

I just had this "talk" with my daughter a couple of weeks ago.  Now in my case, my daughter just graduated high school and frankly she's seen me as Madison for years around the house; but never out in public as I didn't want to put her in an awkward position if we ran into friends of hers. 

In my case, I simply sat down with her and explained GID as best as I could.  She had a couple of questions - I'm sure she had more but didn't want to ask - so I answered those for her as best I could.  As she's older I also gave her a few web sites that she might find helpful (she's loves being on her computer).  However, I still wasn't totally comfortable with things so I broached this during my therapy session this afternoon.  The therapist said she would get the names of a couple of books that might also be of assistance and have them for me for our next session.  I'm not sure what age group those books will be targeted to, but when I get them I'll post them here in case they might be of assistance.

Madison

[Dawn Heart]

There is an excellent youtube video out here called "The Chloe Prince Story" also known as "Family Secrets - When Dad Becomes Mom". I have a very positive opinion about how the family was portrayed and how they handled talking to the kids.

[Felix]

I came out to my daughter about a year ago, when she was 11. I'd been kinda semi-transitioned for a year or so at the time, and I thought maybe she already knew, but I was wrong. I blurted it out and my timing was awful. We were waiting for a bus and she was laughing at me when I said I'd wear her new nail polish. I asked her if she understood why it was funny. She said it was because I'm not girly. I answered that it was funny because I'm not a girl. I said I'm not a girl, I've never been a girl, it's been really hard to pretend to be a girl all this time, and no matter how hard I try I'm not going to ever be a real girl. That was a stupid thing to say to a kid. She burst into tears and I spent the next half hour trying to take it all back and make the world okay again.


So maybe be careful how you break it to your own child. Other than my idiot introduction, the matter has been pretty chill with my kid. She accepts who I am and doesn't overthink it. She's a kid, and honestly she doesn't really go for subtlety. I used to be an embarrassingly un-feminine mom, and now I'm a big strong man who can do anything.


She's still coming to terms with the gay thing though. She used to really want a second mom (I always admitted to being gay but never explained the trans part, so she thought I was a lesbian who dated men), and now she just wants a mom. I have guilt about that.


I've always been pretty straightforward and scientific with my kid about other things, so she took it at face value when I explained that I'd been keeping a secret and needed to start being honest. She seems to see it as a medical problem.

[Constance]

My kids were 18 and 20 when I came out, 19 and 21 when I began transistioning. So, that part was a lot easier.

An 8-year-old that my daughter babysits (still) sometimes explained my transition to my daughter (who was 19 at the time) by saying, "You have 2 moms now. It's just that one of your moms used to be your dad."

Kids vary, just like everybody else. Some will understand what transition means and others won't. At first, my son was uncomfortable. He'd call me by nicknames such as Big Nose as he couldn't call me Connie or Dad. (My nose is longer than his, but his is wider. Yes, we measured. I know, typical guy thing: "Get a ruler, pal!") Eventually, he started calling me Connie and now is comfortable calling me Dad. So, age is not necessarily a strict guide as to how kids will react.

From what you describe, your daughter seems quite resilient. But the only way to know how she'll react is to try.

[Sara Thomas]

Well... I have heard some things that my ex supposedly  told my children (which I would come by third hand... so whatever she said was probably further distorted by the time I heard it...), but they have never approached me about any of it - and we have never discussed it.

I have not felt a real need to "come out" to them, as there is no good indication (at this point) that their dad will ever be anything but.

My son did drop by the house unexpectedly, a few weeks back, while I was barefoot with bright red nail polish - lol.

Oh well... it doesn't seem to have caused much discomfort between us.

This last week, however, I have been a bit ired  by some current events - and am strongly considering coming out.