Childhood memories of trans or androgyny?

[Brooke777]

A hug is always nice.

Things did get better.  I joined the Military, and left the house 1 week after I graduated.  I have not been back for longer than longer a week since.  He has only tried to hit me once since, and learned very fast that years of the type of training I had made me nearly impossible to intimidate.

[no-time-to-panic]

As a kid, I kind of shied away from other kids and kept myself occupied in the library, drawing pictures and reading. When I did play with other kids, I'd sort of do whatever. I remember playing jump-rope and patty-cake as often as playing soccer and sword fighting with sticks. 

Clothing was another thing. Even my elementary school where we had a dress code, I still dressed fairly neutral. I'd usually wear boy's pants with a girl's top, just because it was what I preferred.

I distinctly remember one of my birthday parties where my mother forced me to wear something particularly gendered. I was so upset I ended up hiding in the thick wooded area behind my house and crying.

I also remember reading the tale of Hermaphroditus as a kid and wishing that something like that could happen to me. After that, I got really into mythology and angels, because I could find people and creatures that were being what I wanted to be but didn't think was acceptable to be at the time.

I always thought it funny that I was the middle child and that I had one male and one female sibling. For some reason, it never crossed my mind that I would be tipping the scale in one direction or the other. I know that's not exactly a memory, but it's something I mused about a lot as a kid.

[jasper3]

I remember since I was in early primary school (around 3-5 since I started school very early) telling my friends my name was Jacob and i cut my hair (which was all the way down my back back then cuz my mum wanted me to look like my step sister)  off in the boy's bathroom at school in kindergarten I was sent to a behavioural institution and prescribed Ritalin and some other medicine
Since I was about 4 I've been seeing sex therapists and gender therapists but stopped at age 8 though
I still feel the same as I did since such an early age (except for the name Jacob.. O.o)

[VelvetBat]

I don't really have childhood memories of being in the wrong body, but looking back, I can clearly see some trans* stuff there.
Untill puberty and highschool, gender didn't really exist to me. I felt different than the other girls, but I didn't really feel like being in the wrong body back then. (that happened after puberty started)
Back in the childhood days, I played with a lot of 'boys' stuff. Space lego, playmobil with indians, cars... I hated dolls and barbies. I had way more guy friends than girl friends. At some games on school during breaks and such, girls weren't allowed to play along. Except me. I was not seen as a boy by the other boys, but still I was the only 'girl' that was allowed to play along.
My mother told me a couple of years ago that as a child, I was behaving just like a boy. (but still looked like a girl in girly clothes -girl pants and shirts, I didn't wear much dresses because they were unpractical- and long hair)

[Joann]

When I started school I learned that there are two teams.  Boys and girls.  Clothes and hairstyles are team uniforms.  And you'd better stay on your side and at least pretend to not like the other side, or else.

As a kid I didn't question that.  It was just another crazy thing to play along with.  The object of the game is to not get bullied, laughed at and shunned, and I took it seriously enough that I learned the arbitrary rules well.  I didn't dare consider what I may have wanted to do or be.  It is now deeply ingrained in me that the way to take care of my own feelings and needs is to break away from human contact and do it in secret... and sometimes I can't even do it then.  I'm getting better, but my ability to think for myself was so broken that I didn't even realize I was pansexual until a friend pointed it out to me when I was 25.

My experience exactly but in addition i was very shy and horrified of the locker room/ showers in high school. I was frequently called Fem, girly boy,  ->-bleeped-<- ect and couldn't figure out why. Im just becoming aware in andro. Im 50 years old.

[Joann]

I recall wanting to play with girl toys and telling my grandmother that I didn't want to be a boy when she was telling me not to cry because boys don't cry.  I hated societies rules about being a boy from a young age I felt different to everyone else from a very young age,
I have many memories of being punished for not being a normal/real boy mostly by peers but sometimes by teachers/ parents/other significant adults.

I once played hop scotch with the girls at recess when i was 6 and thoroughly rebuked bu the nuns. I was genuinely mad about it and they forced me into special classes playing "boy games" with brother bob and if you were bad he would take you to the rectory shower for a "special baptism" >:(Im feeling that part of mu androgyny is rebellion against the gender we are forced to endure from society.

[aleon515]

I once played hop scotch with the girls at recess when i was 6 and thoroughly rebuked bu the nuns. I was genuinely mad about it and they forced me into special classes playing "boy games" with brother bob and if you were bad he would take you to the rectory shower for a "special baptism" >:(Im feeling that part of mu androgyny is rebellion against the gender we are forced to endure from society.

The later (special baptism) sounds kinky-- perhaps as an excuse for sexual abuse. There is no such thing in any religion, to my knowledge. The "boy games" special class also sounds like what they did with children in the so-called "sissy boys" project. This was designed to keep boys from becoming trans by behavior mod methods (tokens for "good" or boy behavior and various punishments for "bad" or girl behavior).

MAJOR TRIGGER IS DON'T GOOGLE THIS, If YOU DON"T THINK YOU COULD DEAL WITH IT. The punishments are very nasty. I hate to shout but this is nasty, evil stuff. If you can handle it is rather fascinating in a sick sort of way.

--Jay Jay

[mementomori]

for me it was i've wanted to live my life in a more feminine way/ vessel but having a penis has never felt wrong and ive never felt some great desire to have breasts ,  internally i feel a lot more female but at the same time i dont really feel like a " man" or a " woman' at all but something different alltogether