Passing before name/gender marker change

[AdamMLP]

I mentioned last week about a visit to the library where they wouldn't believe that I was "Miss ____" and today when paying cash and a cheque into the bank they wouldn't believe that it was my cheque and my account.  They didn't believe that it was my money either, but that was just because I seemed too young to be paying in £150 even though I've paid in £500 at once before (I'm not stinking rich I just only bother to pay money in about four times a year because I'm too lazy ).

It's always, "You're not *birthname*" and it takes me insisting that I am about four times before they'll accept that I am.  I'm yet to have to get out my drivers license to prove it, but I'm waiting for that day to come.  I'm glad that I pass that well as I'm pre-T, but it also tends to make me dysphoric because I have to "correct" them and it just rubs it in my face that I'm still legally female.

Does anyone else have this problem, and what do you do about it, bearing in mind that I can't really change my name or gender marker for another two years.

[Berserk]

I guess it depends on how you feel about it, but I'd tell them that yes, it's your legal name (no need to use words like "this is me" since that's different than it just being your legal name...at least that would ->-bleeped-<- me up psychologically). If they continue to push, just tell them you're trans and haven't changed your name yet and pull out your ID. That'll throw them off guard and shut them up, and still lets you also retain a bit of your own identity despite having to tell them that that's your legal name.

[tvc15]

What is it with libraries? When I was 13 I had a librarian act like I was trying to cheat the system by giving her a card with a girl name on it. It's just a library and I was probably just trying to check out a book about Monty Python or something. She gave me the runaround for what feels like two minutes straight, but that was so long ago I can't say for sure.

I don't have advice for you though, sometimes this stuff just happens and your legal documents aren't on your side. If you would be comfortable explaining your situation that might be an option, keeping it simple of course.

[AdamMLP]

What is it with libraries? When I was 13 I had a librarian act like I was trying to cheat the system by giving her a card with a girl name on it. It's just a library and I was probably just trying to check out a book about Monty Python or something. She gave me the runaround for what feels like two minutes straight, but that was so long ago I can't say for sure.

I had to grab the card back and check because I genuinely thought I'd picked up my grandma's card by mistake as it was the first time I'd passed and had to show someone something with my birthname on (and I forgot I was wearing a motorbike jacket so my chest and build couldn't give me away).  I should have probably just said it was hers in the end but I was so confused until I realised why she wouldn't believe it was mine   Who even cares as long as they get the book back when it's due anyway?!

I guess it depends on how you feel about it, but I'd tell them that yes, it's your legal name (no need to use words like "this is me" since that's different than it just being your legal name...at least that would ->-bleeped-<- me up psychologically). If they continue to push, just tell them you're trans and haven't changed your name yet and pull out your ID. That'll throw them off guard and shut them up, and still lets you also retain a bit of your own identity despite having to tell them that that's your legal name.

I'd be paranoid that someone who knew me overheard me, it's such a small place I live in and as we've just got out of the pub trade literally everyone seems to know me even if I don't know them, I would have thought it was safe in there but it turned out that even the woman in the pub knew my parents and she'd probably know that they had a "daughter" rather than a son seeing as she knew how long they'd lived in the area.  I'll probably just offer to show them my ID and just hope that it's enough to throw them off guard enough to accept it because my photo really is awful even for a ID photo

[Arch]

Some people will say that there are worse problems to have than passing well, but having to insist that you are who you really aren't--when you're trans, I mean--can really do a number on you. I had to do it in a public medical situation a couple of weeks ago, and I could barely talk and was stammering badly. I was mortified and hurt for days afterward. The whole incident still stings. I keep telling myself, "What does it matter?" Well, it does, for now.

You have the "advantage" of ID cards and such. Maybe you should "whip it out" immediately the next time you are challenged? It might spare you the back-and-forth.

[Icarus389]

When I'm in any situation where there is a possibility of ID being required, I automatically pull it out and hand it to the person who will ask for it. Most of the time, they just look back and forth from my ID to me and scan the info on it. That's usually followed by a comment such as "My God! You look so young, I never would have guessed how old you are!" There have also been times where they call over a coworker to confirm that I look insanely young, hence how I know I'm passing as male and no one really reads through an ID these days.

The mind believes what the eye initially sees. If you are passing as male on a regular basis, just hand over your ID and they probably won't even read your name, or they will read it wrong and still believe you're male. It could help you avoid long awkward debates about who you really are.

[xander-the-pretty-good]

I agree that showing ID is a good way to at least avoid most of the awkward "yeah, that's me" conversation.This usually happens to me whenever the person gets to see the name on my cards. One woman asked if I was using my parent's debit card, and I simply replied, "no." Then she asked to see my ID, and she stopped asking about it pretty quickly.


Usually I just do my best to laugh about how they think I've stolen my own card. It helps relieve the stress a little. I'm just waiting for the day that someone doesn't believe me when I show them my ID, and when they say "Nice fake", I'll say, "Thanks, the government gave it to me!"

[tvc15]

I agree that showing ID is a good way to at least avoid most of the awkward "yeah, that's me" conversation.This usually happens to me whenever the person gets to see the name on my cards. One woman asked if I was using my parent's debit card, and I simply replied, "no." Then she asked to see my ID, and she stopped asking about it pretty quickly.

I often run errands for my mom, and she gives me her debit card to use. The grocery store I go to had, up until recently, a policy where they would call you by the name on your card, like, "Thanks Bob, and have a great day." When I used my mom's card the cashiers realized the female name couldn't belong to me, so they just skipped calling me anything. Until this one time, not too long ago. I was maybe 10 months on T, and the lady goes, "Thank you, Jennifer!" I had a response prepared in case that ever happened, so I shot back: "Please, Jennifer is my father." The lady just laughed and said "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know... it's just the name on the card..." And then proceeded to give me strange looks.

[harlee]

I dont really like going to the bank for the same sort of reason One time the bank lady asked to see my  liscence because "the signatures didnt match". Another time I was asked for ID and even after I showed it, the women seemed confused and said "they have you as Miss on here". It just made me wonder what she was actually looking at when she saw my ID with the F marker and female name on it! 

I went to the dentist yesterday and the dentist assistant calls out your name when they come to take you in. There was only me and another guy in the waiting room, and the dentist assistant sort of looked around the room a bit before calling my name. It would have been awkward if she didnt call the name and just went back haha.

[Natkat]

my legal name is Unisex so I dont need to deal with that, But my ID is female which kills me to know.
I always has worries about it, but mostly it dosent brings me into much trouble, I think its because generally people dont care, I even got a packed on my mothers ID card, and she is like 60 years old and the guy where like..
"ah okay here you "..
(im 19 and look like a 15 year old.. XD)


So I dont get into alot of troubles but I still hate the fact its female, its like a unwanted outing every single time, and I honestly dont feel like outing myself for going to school, getting a job, paying something, going to the doctor, or whatever it could be.


in few caises people have been confussed of my ID vs, my voice when they heard me over the phone, I also got a
"well hope you get better soon" comment. where I was likeWTF im not sick? and then I remembered my voice where very low for a "female"..

[Josh]

Im on T now but only a few weeks but pre t i Cannot stress the amount of times this happened to me. One time buying cigarettes the lady insisted the ID I showed her was my older sister even though my Id looks just like me... But it says f and girl name. I totally feel you dude it blows and now I'm worried more about it since I'm on T