Dealing with unsupportive parents

[Rena-san]

I'm a 23 year old MTF, possibly. My parents will not let me leave the house as a woman. They are very unsupportive, and my mom says she is ashamed of me. I feel I need to be able to go out as a woman because I don't want to start taking hormones if it doesn't feel right to me being perceived and treated as a woman. In fact, I don't want to go any further with this if it doesn't feel like me. So I need to be able to come and go freely from my home in whatever gender I want without fearing my parents. I've snuck out a few times but it is really scary. My dad has even threatened physical violence. My parents are home like 24/7 and follow me around the house. My mom likes to go through my stuff and monitor what I'm buying. She'll set verbal traps for me to see if I'm lying about what I've bought or done. 

I'm currently trying to get a job so I can move out. I've been filling out applications as a male. But its all just so difficult. Because basically, if I get a job I wouldn't be able to dress as a woman anyway. Its like no matter what I do, I lose out. Stay in my house and be unable to go out. Get a job and move out and be unable to go out because I'm working full time. 

I don't like having to get dressed elsewhere because its difficult to get dressed in a place other than your house, and what if someone sees me walk into the women's bathroom as a male and comeout as a man in a dress? I just don't feel comfortable doing that.

Anyone else got a similar story? Any advice?

[Edge]

Working full time doesn't mean you'll be unable to go out. If you can get a job, take it and save up to move out. Then, you'll be able to go out as a woman on your days off and you will be independent of (and safe from) your parents.

[suzifrommd]

Any advice?

You have a right not to be threatened physically. Threatening you with violence is a CRIME. If it is a parent threatening you, that is called domestic violence, and is no less a crime.

You are being abused. Going through your stuff with out permission is abusive. Threatening you with violence is abusive. Find a domestic violence hotline in your area and call. In almost every area, there are shelters and services for people who are being threatened with violence at home. In many cases they can help you find a job.

Trying to educate your parents about transgender might help, but that's a long process and not guaranteed to work. You need to protect yourself. The way you are being treated isn't right and isn't legal.

Even if you have trouble finding help, know that you have a right not to be treated this way. You have a right to be secure from threats of violence, you have a right to present as whatever gender you want, and you have right to be secure in your belongings. As long as you live in your parent's house, you have to live by their rules, but understand what is your due as a human being.

Good luck Hippolover. Please keep posting. Don't be afraid to ask people here for help if there's anything we can do.

[Rena-san]

Thanks for the suggestions so far. I've been wanting to get my ears pierced and paint my nails. Any suggestions for that? I wish my parents would just accept me.

[Edge]

I wish that too. I know how hard it is to accept that your parents may never get better. Try to avoid doing things that can set them off for now. The important thing is to remain as safe as possible until you can leave.

[Apples]

Working full time doesn't mean you'll be unable to go out.

Agreed, it's more a matter of knowing how to manage your time, a vital ability when you start living alone.

[Kristopher]

I wish that too. I know how hard it is to accept that your parents may never get better. Try to avoid doing things that can set them off for now. The important thing is to remain as safe as possible until you can leave.

Edge has got a very great point here, ultimately your safety is number one especially when it has to do with where you are living (a place that should be a safe haven for you by default). A parent's acceptance is understandably one of the ultimate things a we crave not only as members of LGBTQ community,  but just as children in general. I hope they DO come around friend, however you cannot gauge your happiness based upon their acceptance and should never let it hold you back. Plus as a 23 year old they need to realize that you are a fully capable adult and are able to do as you wish, but I understand the difficulty since you live in their home and feel you need to abide by their rules.