Unable to reach orgasm

[lepel]

Dear readers,

Like the title says, I'm having problems getting an orgasm. 2,5 years ago I've had vaginaplasty/SRS with Dr. Frau Krege in Germany. At first I wasn't keen on trying to masturbate, but in the end I wanted to try to have an orgasm, which however utterly failed. Eventually I stopped trying and half a year ago I've had another surgery with Dr. Krege to construct inner labia. The overall feeling also improved and happy with the new results I conducted several new attempts. A month ago I finally had one or two orgasms, which relieved me a lot but also made long for more.
I can't however, no matter how hard and long I try, reproduce the orgasm. It really frustrates me a lot, especially after reading some people are able to have multiple ones after each other!

The feeling is particularly good (way better at least than it ever was) and I easily reach a state of 'almost orgasm', which is even more frustrating. It feels really intense and good and sometimes I almost black out and can really go on for more than an hour, after which I have a heartbeat of 300 - but still no bloody orgasm.

In the end I'm a little desperate and also not too keen on trying again because of the disappointment. Is there anyone here perhaps having (had) the same problems? Will it go better after more practice?

Thanks so much!

[DawnL]

It took me six months after I started trying--about eight months post-op--before I had what would consider a meaningful female orgasm.  At times, I have wonderful intense orgasms and there are periods where my orgasms are flat and barely worth the effort.  This seems to be the state of affairs for many natal women as well.

I think practice will help but I am also concerned that you are pushing your heart rate so high for so long.  Reaching orgasm is a complex thing and involves more than physical stimulation.  It almost sounds like you're trying too hard.  Going at it for an hour seems awfully long with no result.  You weren't keen on trying at first...is that an issue?

I wish I could be more help.

[Joana25]

I think that it all in your brain... As females use thier brains more than a male needs physical manipulation to achieve orgasim. Get in touch with whats in your mind and take in the full body and mind experience as females do.

[lepel]

Well, I was somehow guessing it had something to do with the 'gray matter', but hoping for an easy fix never hurts, right?

Anyway, I found it very hard to concentrate while masturbrating. Inevitably, I start thinking about school, the past day, name it. In addition I'm also very easily distracted, the faintest sound makes me jump. I started using earplugs to get around that, but it is by far no ideal solution :-)

I learned that time passes by really quickly though and like I said, I sometimes easily lay here for an hour - which is hardly healthy I guess. My hand is sore afterwards anyway :-) But I tend to be really childish right then, as in 'five more minutes, please?'
And yes, perhaps the most problematic thing is that I do desperately want an orgasm at those moments, which make me forget that it should be actually fun what I'm doing, instead of frustrating.

Maybe my motivation is wrong as well. I'm mean, in the past I hated sexuality, well, because of the way my body was back then. I tried to suppress it. Now all of the sudden it's the opposite, I want to taste what everyone raves about. But the subconscience seems slow to follow though.

Well, any others tips are still welcome :-)

[Julie Wilson]

Try progesterone if you haven't already.  Medroxy (when I first start taking it) makes me insanely depressed but I level out after being on it for a while.  It also increases my sex drive.

[lepel]

Would bio-equivalent progesteron also work? I'm a little hesitant to take those synthetic hormones.

[pretty pauline]

I think that it all in your brain... As females use thier brains more than a male needs physical manipulation to achieve orgasim. Get in touch with whats in your mind and take in the full body and mind experience as females do.

Very very true, I could never achieve orgasm with just myself, I lot of the time it really depends on the guy (boyfriend) I had at a time, some guys where so rough and havent a clue how to treat a woman, my present partner who I married and is now my husband is a fantastic lover, a guy that knows how to treat and take care of a woman. He is very gentle and very patience with me, if Im not in the mood he is never pushy, he always takes things slowly, kisses and cuddle me, moisten me up, its a lovely secure feeling that runs thru my whole body, then he'll penetrate me slowly when Im ready to receive him, but only when Im ready and relaxed, if Im tense it doesn't happen for me, its very different for a guy, its much better for a woman but more differcult to achieve, but when it happens its awsome.

[henrytwob]

I would also wonder if you are on any medications. many meds, esp. SSRIs can block orgasm.  You can feel great, have pleasure etc, but just no orgasm. Your heart rate at 300 is not a healthy thing. Beyond that, I don't know what to say. Good luck.

[eli77]

I've had a lot of trouble with orgasms post-op, which I've just started to resolve in the last month. It really wasn't something I was expecting to have problems with, given I have a pretty aggressive sex drive. Nearly five months without was frustrating and scary. For me what worked was a) forgetting the idea that everything is supposedly different now and b) a lot of practice.

Orgasms are still a mixture of physical sensation and mental arousal. Experimenting with what feels good to touch and what feels good to think about / read / look at / whatever was super helpful. Going back through and messing with things that worked pre-op was really useful. Follow your instincts and listen to your body, basically.

And drop any expectations about how your sexuality is SUPPOSED to work. A lot of girls, especially trans girls (and including me), get kind of caught up in needing things to work a specific way. It's cool if you aren't vanilla, it's cool if you are. And whatever you want to fantasize about doesn't have to have anything to do with what you actually want to do in the real world. If you know the things that turn you on - great, use them. If you don't... well, try to find them.

The first time I managed to pull it off, I was imagining having sex with my ex, with my old pre-transition body. So, ya. Relax. And use whatever works.

Also helped for me the first few times to replicate pretty closely what I was doing the first time. After that I started to vary things more, as I got used to being able to do it as I wanted.

The first time also happened after like ~3 hours of effort, and I dunno, like, my hundredth try. (Yes, I'm persistent and driven and my hand felt broken.) Four weeks later it still takes about an hour, but I can do it consistently and I'm getting steadily quicker. Do try not to actually break anything though. And drink lots of water.

Sorry if all that seems kind of harsh and mechanical. I guess in a way it sort of is for me. I'm just not that into solo stuff. It's just release and relief. But I want my body working so I don't have problems with a partner. Thus I put in the effort.

[lepel]

Wow, thanks for the wonderful responses!!
I've been off SSRI's for one year right now, so I hope that stuff is not playing a role anymore. For the rest I just take Progynova and that's it.
Practice seems to be the key right now, but first I need to be more relaxed about it and not put in to much pressure. Go figure.
One thing may also be a worth mentioning is that I've never had a partner before, not now and not in my pre-transition-life. I can imagine that actually having sex with someone else makes things vastly different :-) And apparently I still don't know what turns me on anyway, but it may well be that what I'm doing right now is simply too 'dry'. Perhaps find a partner first then? :-)

And Sarah7, that broken hand is actually fairly recognizable :-)

[Julie Wilson]

Would bio-equivalent progesteron also work? I'm a little hesitant to take those synthetic hormones.

I never noticed anything when I was on bio progesterone but YMMV and that was a long time ago so I may not remember correctly.

[Julie Wilson]

Having started hormones in like 2000 and having had SRS in 2004 watching porn generally makes it more difficult for me to orgasm.  I tend to avoid sex for the sake of pleasure as I derive something else from it and do not entertain actual relationships.  I find that the best orgasms are like meditation, I close my eyes and just feel it happen which causes the orgasm to intensify whereas if I focus on a mental scenario or porn or anything outside of my orgasm then the orgasm get's lost in the surrounding noise.

I think the easiest orgasm to have now (being biologically and physically/mentally how I am at this stage, referenced in the beginning of the preceding paragraph) is to bypass porn altogether and focus entirely on the sensory experience.  Some day I would like to do that with someone I love and care about, someone who I want in my life but until then I will not allow myself to be that vulnerable with someone else unless I change somehow as a person.

There are always exceptions to who I am and the more I try to pin myself down the more I surprise myself though.  And perhaps in those moments when I try to pin myself down I grow into something else and at this point I am happy to grow into a new direction instead of bonsai-ing myself.

[lansh]

i don't know your blood testosterone level,but maybe a small dose of testosterone will help to increase your libido

[Jessica07]

Sarah's comment helped me a lot actually when I was attempting to have my first orgasm while awake 10 weeks post Op -- since then ive just listened to my bodys own desires and havent had too much trouble.  Of course going on a little T regiment may have helped spark some more keen interest in touching there and I only do it maybe once or twice a week now but thats pretty similar to how I was pre-op too.