Lonely

[Jillieann Rose]

Around 32 months on hrt.
I talk to people whereevery I go and whatever I am doing.
There is not a shy bone in my body.
My wife has moved out just before the 4th.
I dress as he female I am full time now.
I left a church of over 15 years because they considered my transitioning a sin.
My son who lives here in town has band me from seeing him or his family.
My sisters will not speak to me.
At work I do have some people who are friendly.
But when I go home I'm alone.
I eat all of me meals alone even when I am out at a restaurant.
The nightclubs and bar scenes are not for me.  I'm just not a social or any other type of drinker.
I am gaining a few new friends but it seem to be happening so very slow.
Like tonight Friday. I came home put on some makeup got re-dressed planning to go out for dinner.
Instead I stayed home and had soup. Just couldn't go out alone tonight.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Sorry about the loss of the family.  But I know what you mean.  I have been alone since 2008.  I have forced myself to go out, shopping, getting a bite to eat, etc.

[Joann]

Perhaps try some activities where LGBT folks are more accepted. Most Yoga studios are ok. try a web search of LGBT Groups in your area.
The unitarian universalist churches have out reaches ( sometimes).

[Apples]

Not sure I could cope with all of that. Apart from two friends, family is the only thing I have.

[Devlyn]

I was alone last night too. I am single, never married, no kids, so just me and the dogs is an everyday thing. It sounds like you are just dealing with the change. For you, the absence of people is worrisome, for me, someone in the house would upset my balance. After an adjustment, yout might come to enjoy the independence. Hugs, Devlyn

[AbraCadabra]

Although it seems like a while (that youve been transitioning) the earliest parts, at least I found, are the hardest. As time passes and more and more people meet the new you, youll have more and more new friends. Your social group will expand greatly. Im just speaking from personal experience, but I am the kind to go to bars and clubs etc. If you have one friend, maybe hitch along with them one night and attempt to meet some of their friends, who in turn will introduce you to their friends etc. Youll greatly expand your horizons this way. No one wants to be alone. it sucks. Best of luck to you, I know it will work out for you and all of us if we just put in the effort.

In fairness... it's VERY much an age thing to go to bars and clubs... um?

It is also pretty well known that to find anything resembling partner-material does not hang out in bars and clubs either.

If you look for a quickie, a one-night-stand to get laid... well then why not?

Just thinking,
Axélle
PS: my own social circle has remained pretty static and it also spells "Lonely" or being alone at best.
Looking at partner issues galore, is a good way to make one feel not too bad about it - at least at times.

[Devlyn]

Although it seems like a while (that youve been transitioning) the earliest parts, at least I found, are the hardest. As time passes and more and more people meet the new you, youll have more and more new friends. Your social group will expand greatly. Im just speaking from personal experience, but I am the kind to go to bars and clubs etc. If you have one friend, maybe hitch along with them one night and attempt to meet some of their friends, who in turn will introduce you to their friends etc. Youll greatly expand your horizons this way. No one wants to be alone. it sucks. Best of luck to you, I know it will work out for you and all of us if we just put in the effort.

As I stated in the post above you, I am happy being alone. I don't think it sucks. Hugs, Devlyn

[Kelly J. P.]

 I am very familiar with loneliness.

... My best solution so far has been to make friends by pushing boundaries, or going out of my way for people in dark places.

To push boundaries, the actions required are a literal translation of the description - the person may feel uncomfortable if not done correctly, but if done properly, the person will hardly be able to put you out of mind, creating the perfect opportunity to forge a friendship.

As for making friends with depressed/lonely/sad/other people, it's as simple as can be. They're vulnerable, and feel that no one understands them. Offer a compassionate light, and they will be drawn to you.

That's how I've made the friends I've had. I haven't kept any of them, but it was always fun at the time.

The only true way that I have been able to deal with my loneliness is to develop a strong relationship with myself.  I feel as if I am more than one person, but I realize that that feeling is purely illusory - rather, I am more than one fragment of a person, understandably, and I find the inter-communication of my fragmented self to be very fun.

It's by no means the best way to deal with things, but it's a long shot from being the worst. Loneliness only induces the occasional panic attack in me - a small setback for a mostly beneficial state of being, depending on one's 'luck'.

As I stated in the post above you, I am happy being alone. I don't think it sucks. Hugs, Devlyn

I am both unhappy and happy with being alone. My mind is always conflicted about things, and most of what I say is something I can both agree and disagree with. I hate being lonely, and I love it as much.

Life wouldn't be nearly as fun if my mind were unified.

[AbraCadabra]

The whole 'loneliness' thing also has plenty to do with feelings of being a VICTIM of being alone.

If one can get over the issue of feeling victim to being alone, as "Devlyn Marie" seems to demonstrate, than it is firstly bearable and secondly not being all depressive about it creates opportunities to communicate with others. Maybe even make a new friend(s).

I have to remind myself of just that at time also - when I wind up in the depth of my very own 'rain forest'

Axélle

[Cindy]

I was alone last night as well. Except for heaps of people here.

I was alone today, even when I brought my wife home, she is losing the ability to communicate.

I went to the store and chatted with people.

I went to the gym and chatted.

Not 'friends' but they are human contacts.

I also go to restaurants alone. I take a book. Go to a place that is more of a steak house, Saturday dinner evening place. I did. I suddenly found I was very welcome and people come over to speak to me and have a drink, anything from soda to coffee to whatever. There are lots of lonely people, you just need to smile and be friendly and meet another lonely person then there are two less.  Then the two can have coffee and meet others. Meeting people and talking doesn't mean seeking a sexual companion, it means meeting and talking.

It is another step on the road.

Reading a book by yourself in a restaurant is good for many reasons, people can ask what you are reading, you can ask people if they have read this author. If no one asks you have something to do.

I'm also very content to be alone at times. I live alone and like Devlyn, I like it.

Cindy

[Jillieann Rose]

I enjoy talking to the waitress in restaurants.
Every Saturday morning I go to the same restaurant and have gotten to know all of the waitresses.
Over the last 3 weeks I have meet 2 new waitresses there on there first day and have encouraged them. I even made them smile. The clerks at Payless Shoe store know me by sight and are always friendly and talkative.
I talk to people while in walking in the park, in store, restrooms and where ever I am.
Today I went to the beach/park and just enjoyed being around others.
Kids playing, teens being teens, families having reunions, and older couples all seemingly enjoying themselves.

But in the evening the loneliness comes back. As a young adult I moved from my parents home to an apartment with my bride. We were together for almost 40 years and now it is so differnet.
A quiet home that I am slowly getting use to.

[Beth Andrea]

We were together for almost 40 years and now it is so differnet.
A quiet home that I am slowly getting use to.

I work with elderly people...that is a common situation after many decades of marriage, and one person dies. I can't imagine that kind of sorrow and loneliness.

Divorce is similar (I'm going thru it now, 23 years of marriage)...but the fact my apartment is quiet, my own, and not chaotic means A LOT to me. Sure, I have no dates, no significant social life...but I'm rebuilding my life, one element at a time.

My dwelling is first. I need a place to myself, so I can re-establish myself as my own person. Fortunately, I and my ex emotionally separated during the last 6 months or so that I lived with her...that's when I cried from loneliness--and it hurt even more, because she was right there with me, but ignoring my hurt.

Now you are on your own, and there will be a period of sorrow, mourning, and grief for your loss (and there's a lot, considering your kids don't want to deal with you right now (although they may change their minds later))...ok, accept that. Don't focus on not having a partner right now. Learn to enjoy life on your own...on your own terms.

*hugs*  Things will get better! Start with yourself, and learn to be happy with yourself!

[lilacwoman]

I took swimming lessons, I joined the local bowling club, i signed for nightschool, I joined the local historical research club, I joined the local photoclub, I joined the local jam making circle, I signed up to work in the local hospital and that job expandeds into going on conferences and meetings, I stopped people in the street and started conversations about all sorts of things.

I'm busier now than I have ever been.

there must be many clubs and groups in your area that you can join and enjoy?

[JoanneB]

As a shy introverted typical engineering geek type I cannot imagine how anyone who does not have a shy bone in her body can feel alone. I haven't made what I can call a true friend in about 25 years. Yet, I see this phenonenon happening with my wife all the time. A person who has led a life  and is almost the complete opposite of me socially. A woman who led a life that most of us would be jealous of. I cannot even justify my own lonliness since this shy introvert engineer was usually in big demand by a global sales force to help seal a deal. No, I choose to feel that way about myself.

I chalk it up to learning early on to be a chemeleon. I can blend in and be accepted by many diverse groups of people. Yet I cannot feel liked or even appreciated. So given a choice between being around  others or not, I avoid them. (The last thing I wanted was for them to learn about the real me).

I can relate to clubs and the bar scene not being for you. There are many other alternatives for being around people. Clubs, other special interest groups, even your local library. There are plenty of LGBT churches out there (depending on where you live). It may mean driving 45 minutes or more to one, but they are out there. I need to drive 90 minutes. To know I AM NOT ALONE makes it well worth the trip.

You do not have to be alone. All you need to do is what you enjoy and you are bound to find others doing exactly the same thing.

[Cindy]

I took swimming lessons, I joined the local bowling club, i signed for nightschool, I joined the local historical research club, I joined the local photoclub, I joined the local jam making circle, I signed up to work in the local hospital and that job expandeds into going on conferences and meetings, I stopped people in the street and started conversations about all sorts of things.

I'm busier now than I have ever been.

there must be many clubs and groups in your area that you can join and enjoy?

Totally excellent ideas. That is exactly what we have to do.  Break the mould and go forward.
Really nice post lilacwoman

I'm going to join a book club, find one fist., otherwise start one.

Thinking of cooking classes but I keep thinking they are going to be full of master chief wannabes.

[V M]

I am often alone and feel very lonely

I do my best to keep busy, unfortunately my physical condition often causes me to become tired much quicker than I would like and I'm not always able to do as much as I'd like to so I just try to do as much as I can while able