Passive drinking

[Padma]

I just went out to get some shopping, and as I got back home (I live above a pub), I was walking through the front door of the pub, which has a kind of beer garden out front, and feeling pretty happy. Then a drunk woman came right up close to me and said (altogether now...), "Excuse me for asking, but are you a man or a woman?" so I replied in my usual way, "Why are you asking me that?" and she gestured to the beer garden at large and said, "...because everybody's wondering." I said "Really?" and then she said "Well, you're obviously a man, right?" in that tone of voice that suggests the start of a "you don't have the right to..." tirade - and at that point my PTSD kicked in and I just smiled and walked away, got myself into my home, and did some shaking.

If she'd been sober, she might have been politer (or not asked at all). If she'd been sober, I might have been able to have an actual conversation about transitioning. But drunk people scare me too much - they're unpredictable - and I could feel this was going somewhere pretty toxic.

Why am I living over a pub, you ask? Not for much longer, that's for sure.

[Devlyn]

Better safe than in a huge barfight is what I always say! I had a fun encounter with a drunk woman at the train station. She couldn't figure out the timetable, as I approached she called out " Excuse me Ma'am? Miss? Sir? Whatever? Do you know when the next train comes by?"

[Padma]

I hope you appreciate the strenuous effort it took for me to avoid "cuss words" in the above .

I bloody hate passive drinking. I find drunk people frightening (and with good reason, past experience has not been pleasant).

[barbie]

Yes. It can happen at any time at any place. People here are very generous to drunken people. For example, an article from the NY times: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/25/world/asia/tired-of-being-abused-by-drunks-south-korean-police-start-to-push-back.html

I also experienced similar incidents in Seoul about 2 years ago:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,79036.msg550750.html#msg550750

Barbie~~

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

There is no such thing as a passive drunk.

[Padma]

I mean "passive drinking" like "passive smoking" - I'm not the one doing it, but I still suffer the consequences.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

So damn true, Padma.  Alcohol always causes a problem where there may not be one.

[Kristopher]

I find it pretty sad that people even feel the need to ask such questions. In what way does it affect THEIR daily life?! It doesn't. It's such a personal and offending question if you ask me. I get that question a lot at my job....however it's usually from children and NOT adults! A questioning child asks such a question out of pure curiosity, an adult (drunk or not) generally asks this type of question in an offensive and to some degree attacking way. Padma, I'm glad you took the high road and just went along your way. Shows a lot of courage and self-assurance in yourself.

[Padma]

I knew I wasn't talking to her, I was talking to her beer - and beer's a crap listener. I think I got scared when she involved all these other people, it suddenly felt like all of them against me, like a school playground vibe. I'm sure in reality no-one would actually have been downright nasty, because it's not that kind of pub - and the pub locals would have supported me. But she set off my Inner Meerkat, so yes, I'm also glad I didn't meet her on her level, just walked away with all her questions unanswered .

[Felix]

I spent four years living above several bars in an upper class/trendy neighborhood. I got called a ->-bleeped-<-got more often than you'd believe, and usually by well-dressed people who would probably never be so openly interested in my sexuality or gender if they were sober. It can be hurtful. Padma I do hope you get out of there so you don't have to be so triggered in your own home.

[Padma]

Thanks. I'd have moved already, except I thought I was moving to Cornwall to be with my girlfriend (who then broke up with me) so I've been getting over that and kind of back to square one. But I have the promise of an LGBT-friendly shared house me and my friend are setting up in the next few months - this gives me time to get rid of some of my junk! (I meant possessions, not an SRS reference, sadly ).

[Padma]

Actually, as time passes this evening, I'm tilting over from feeling victimised to focusing on how I didn't play by her rules, and walked away without answering her questions. Go, me . Plus the whole "crowd of people aren't sure if I'm male or female" thing shows progress - and the chocolate was good...