The RLE requirement is rubbish

[Apples Mk.II]

It is the scariest transition I have ever seen. He was of the opinion that HRT and SRS were enough and everyone should now treat him as female. I do wonder how the heck he got through RLE, but he is a very unhappy person. We hope he returns this month so that maybe we can gently guide him to a more feminine presentation.

Incredible. I mean, even I, not trying "anything" from time to time I get weird looks and questions of "you look/act feminine/gay", mostly because of a bit of soft voice (I hate using my real tone) / body language / manners / walking gait (I practised it, although I did not know why I wanted to feel a bit more "femme"). How he got to SRS is even more mindboggling, unless he was hoping it would increase the feminizing effect. It must be like some sort of Buck Angel now.

The HRT not working is a matter of luck, but not working on the other things... No pain, no gain. But what I wonder is ifhe/she never tried from the start, or was waiting until the effects kicked in to go full time but gave up. I've seen a few girls here still on cover after 1-3 years of HRT, but they looked quite good

[Annah]

this is one the reasons why I support RLE.

If that person had gotten SRS 3 years ago and still presented masculine with every feature imaginable this kinda tells me she went the "underground" route for SRS and she never did RLE (or she did RLE but for some unknown reason stopped).

One can dress butch and still look/act like a female. I think this person completely avoided RLE (for whatever reason) and she doesn't know how to cope with her new physical gender as opposed to how she presents.

RLE isn't meant to be a punishment. I was blessed I had to have RLE. My therapist was wonderful in helping me during those few weeks leading up to RLE.

I am serious...once I started RLE...I simply can not imagine wearing men's clothing again. For me, not only was it a gateway for my own SRS but it was tremendously therapeutic and it had SIGNIFICANTLY helped my GID.

I was extremely nervous about it. There was no doubt about that. I had to start my RLE at a Seminary....not really the best place to do it. I remember the first morning. Nervous was an under statement. I ended up running to the bathroom and threw up after the first 15 minutes.

But day by day it got to be so much easier and then one day...a week and a half after I started RLE, it became completely normal for me.

[Beverly]

The next meeting is this Saturday. I will update this thread if I get any more information.

[Apples Mk.II]

One Question, Anna. Prior to RLE, you only needed psychotherapy and later HRT, or you need to do some sort of trial / test?

[eli77]

I only did 7 months of RLE before my bottom surgery. My therapist wrote me my letter early. It made the timing much better.

I guess RLE is useful for some people? I dunno. I mean... what does my vag have to do with living as a girl exactly? Lots of trans guys live as guys with their original plumbing. If a male-assigned-at-birth person wants to do that, what difference does it make to me? But then I'm not really into protecting people from themselves. Offering guidance, sure, but in the end your body is your body.

I dunno, I guess it's a binary thing. This smushing all kinds of unrelated things together like a puzzle. But they don't actually go together. It's just easier if they go together because then you don't have to think as hard.

Really, the people who worry me are the ones who go in for surgery without having the physical dysphoria, because they think it will "make them a woman." Those are the ones I worry will regret it.

It is a major invasive surgery with a year long recovery, terrifying potential complications, and you end up with something that looks like a vagina, but requires maintenance and has limitations. I am super, super happy with my results. But this really should not be a thing you do unless you absolutely feel you need to. And it has very little to do with pronouns or names or social roles or skirts or whatever. It has to do with being okay in your own skin.

But do as you will. Like I said, I'm not into protecting people from themselves.

He then told me he was depressed because everyone genders him as male even though he had SRS 3 years previously and he had now given up on HRT as well.

How he got to SRS is even more mindboggling, unless he was hoping it would increase the feminizing effect.

If she identifies as female, would you mind using female pronouns here? We tend to refer to people on these forums as they request, regardless of the current status of their transition. There are a lot of people here pre-transition and this is one of the only spaces where they get to be gendered correctly. I think that's really great about Susan's, and we should do our best to keep this space like that.

[Constance]

If she identifies as female, would you mind using female pronouns here? We tend to refer to people on these forums as they request, regardless of the current status of their transition. There are a lot of people here pre-transition and this is one of the only spaces where they get to be gendered correctly. I think that's really great about Susan's, and we should do our best to keep this space like that.

I would second this. Otherwise, it seems that the alternative is that our genders and pronouns are to be conferred upon us if we meet the stereotypes of our observers.

[Annah]

One Question, Anna. Prior to RLE, you only needed psychotherapy and later HRT, or you need to do some sort of trial / test?

Prior to my RLE i was seeing a therapist for HRT and my SRS Letter. There was no trial or test (in regard to dressing in femme for a night) prior to RLE for me. Matter of fact I hadn't worn a single item of girl's clothing (underwear, shirts, you name it) until my first day of RLE. Now, I did buy my wardrobe before hand and I did try everything on to make sure it fit. But I had an entire two closets full of my chosen gender clothing by the time I went RLE. If money is an issue for you, Ebay and consignment shops are great ways to build up a nice wardrobe.

Matter of fact, halfway through my first week of RLE, I gave my next door neighbor all of my guy clothes. Before I transitioned, I wore the best dress shirts, french cuff shirts, I had about 20 pair of cufflinks, 120 nice ties, 12 pairs of slacks, and six tailored suits.  Needless to say, I made this guy's day...since in Seminary you have to dress nice for your field education and intern in Churches. Girls get off easier lol. Nice top and skirt with hose/tights or pantssuit and your done. Guys have to spend much more. I gave him enough clothing to last a decade lol.

Here was my timeline:

January 2010:          Made the decision
February 2010:        First therapy session
April 2010:               First HRT regiment
August 2010:           First day RLE
December 2010:      Therapy was on December 23. As a Christmas gift she approved my SRS (I did not need to wait one full year for RLE with her because of how much I felt natural with everything. RLE was in every aspect of my life...not just social gatherings. I lived it. 24/7)
February 2011:        Saw secondary therapist
April 2011:               Received second SRS letters


No plans on FFS

[tekla]

You are also much older Annah, I think they try to stick closer to the guides when people are younger, but slack off as they approach middle age.

[Annah]

You are also much older Annah, I think they try to stick closer to the guides when people are younger, but slack off as they approach middle age.

I have noticed that. I inquired my therapist about that once. What she said made a lot of sense. Younger people are more "apt" to change several times as compared to an older person.

I have a friend who transitioned at 50. She went in for therapy and 4 months later she was utterly done with everything.

Now, on the other hand, I know some middle age people have a complete midlife crises and do not know what they want and I have seen some younger people who are absolutely resolved in their decision.

[tekla]

True, but several other things come into play.  One, I think the older you are the more savvy you might be about finding a therapist you're in synch with, and also since you're far more likely to be paying them yourself you not as much at their mercy (you can find a new one anytime) as someone who has someone else's health care covering it, or if its' being done on a community basis.  And, it's much more likely your going to be more honest with them, and with yourself, and have realistic goals and expectations (of course not always, but as a rule I'll bet its true.)  Second, that whole 'well what if you want a family someday' is not an issue if you already have/had one.  Three, it's much less likely that it's going to be seen as 'a phase' some sort of 'experimentation', or 'a whim.'

[Emily Aster]

I absolutely believe in the necessity of the RLE, but didn't always feel that way. In my opinion the stereotypes are rubbish, not the RLE itself. If you don't fit the stereotypes, then fine, don't follow them when doing the RLE. In my opinion, the RLE is not about how to fit in as a stereotypical woman so much as gaining the confidence to live in society as yourself. If you were already living as yourself, you wouldn't have a need to transition.

[Kevin Peña]

The RLE is not exactly possible for those of us that look very masculine... 

[Emily Aster]

I can understand that side. I guess I'm a little confused about how doing a full transition with surgery is different than the RLE. I kind of look at it as if you can't handle the RLE, how will surgery help? I'm sure I sound mean and I don't mean to. I'm just curious because I don't understand it.

[Kevin Peña]

I think the RLE comes before HRT and is sometimes what decides whether some people will get HRT. 

[Emily Aster]

Ahh that makes sense. I always thought the RLE was to determine if surgery was in your future, not HRT. I thought you'd be on HRT while on the RLE. I better research that more cause I'd be in the same boat lol. Thanks for the clarification.

[Nero]

The RLE is not exactly possible for those of us that look very masculine... 

Well then, you must be very feminine otherwise for guys to let you baby them when they're sick. The first thing I want when I'm sick is a soothing feminine voice bringing me an icepack, soup and taking my temperature.

[Kevin Peña]

Well then, you must be very feminine otherwise for guys to let you baby them when they're sick. The first thing I want when I'm sick is a soothing feminine voice bringing me an icepack, soup and taking my temperature.

You don't know my friends like I do. If you give them a place to crash, full TV and stereo access, and some good food, they don't care if it's a man or woman giving it to them. They seriously don't care; they're too objective to give up a good deal because of someone's gender.

PS--> I don't know where you're going with the temperature measurement, so I'll just let that slide. 

[Alainaluvsu]

I think the RLE comes before HRT and is sometimes what decides whether some people will get HRT. 

I think this is practiced in the UK under the NHS. However it's not practiced that way in the US. You can get HRT before RLE in the USA. I agree with the USA way of doing it because I would never have passed without hormones and it would've made it very difficult to enjoy life as a female just to try to get on HRT. I probably would've killed myself because I would've found no way to happiness, tbh.

[Tristan]

I think this is practiced in the UK under the NHS. However it's not practiced that way in the US. You can get HRT before RLE in the USA. I agree with the USA way of doing it because I would never have passed without hormones and it would've made it very difficult to enjoy life as a female just to try to get on HRT. I probably would've killed myself because I would've found no way to happiness, tbh.

you are so right. if your not still a child no hormones is just mean and asking for trouble. that's why I am so happy they made sure I did not have to fallow those stupid guidelines

[Shantel]

RLE should have been optional because not everyone is planning to present once full-time the way the rule makers and gate keepers would want them to anyway.