delete

[chipper]

delete this bs

[JohnAlex]

I would just tell what they said was offensive (and why, if they seem listening.)
Otherwise, I can't think of a good way to handle that.  when you live on your own you can better control what they say around you because it's up to you if you want to be aroudn them or not.  I have an aunt and uncle who I avoid because they think they're accepting but they are just so ignorant.

I also haven't come out to my grandparents.  and so they do similar things.  they tell me, all concerned "you know you look like a guy, right?"  and i just say, "yes, that's my goal."  And they say, "well okay then."  they don't get it.  but it's better than someone not accepting.

[Dante]

This happens to me quite often, but I'm still not sure how to respond. Most of the time I'm too surprised to come up with a proper response.

If you'd like a sharp rebuttal, just ignore the tone, take it as a compliment, and say "thank you" in an equally pompous tone. But really, you should tell them that what they're saying is offending you, so you can try to get them to stop. It's really a tough situation, but I hope you find a solution.

[skakid]

My mom does this, but in sort of the opposite way. She'll tell me how pretty I am and how beautiful my hair is and how I shouldn't keep cutting it. These comments really bother me and I've told her to stop, but she doesn't. Now whenever she says something I just completely ignore her and shift my attention to something else. It makes me feel better to let her know she's not getting to me.

[aleon515]

My mom does this, but in sort of the opposite way. She'll tell me how pretty I am and how beautiful my hair is and how I shouldn't keep cutting it. These comments really bother me and I've told her to stop, but she doesn't. Now whenever she says something I just completely ignore her and shift my attention to something else. It makes me feel better to let her know she's not getting to me.

Funny thing, I didn't know I was trans, but no looking back I clearly have a history similar to a lot of trans people.  I used to hear the same type of thing (not for hair). I wore boyish clothes and so on, so I suppose she was trying to get me to feel confident as a girl (which of course I was not, because I was not a girl.)


--Jay Jay

[MaxAloysius]

If this ever happens to me I usually say something absolutely ridiculous in reply.

For example, there was one girl at my old work who didn't seem to like the way things were going with me, and one day she said 'You smell like a man', and in reply I said, 'Thank you my fine lady; it's a pleasure to know that my subtle masculine musk is slowly winning you over.' I laughed, as did my friends, and she was left with a slightly silly look on her face. It's best not to let them get to you, and I actually found that making my replies funny lightened the mood, and a couple of people have actually changed to real compliments. I think it's probably about feeling threatened sometimes, and then being put at ease.

Some other examples:

'You have such a pretty face.'
'I'm pretty, you're pretty, what d'you say we go home and stare at each other?' (This is a Johnny Bravo quote; the impression brought it home. )

'You have a little moustache growing!'
'I know, I'm thinking of naming him Pierre.'

'Well aren't you a gentleman.'
'George of Jungle, only here to help.' (Again, this impression had my friends in fits and the original person put out.)

[Jeatyn]

Very good way to handle it bane

I both love and hate these kinds of backhanded compliments...hate them because they're obviously intended to mock me, love them because it proves I am making some progress.

Every time I get a haircut my sister comments on how the bits of hair near my ears "look like sideburns" and she clearly thinks I've screwed up the haircut, but I'm just like "...yeeeaaah, I know they do, cheers?"

Another I get a lot is "that's a nice outfit.....for a man"

Why thank you yes it is a nice outfit for a man such as myself? XD

[N a t e]

I definitely agree with Jeatyn. That's a great approach, Bane. Will have to add that Johnny Bravo quote to my arsenal.

I tend to ignore the intention and flip it around with overwhelming appreciation and friendliness. I often get comments/half compliments about my shaved head. I always thank them profusely and tell them how much I love the low upkeep. If I'm feeling particularly plucky I'll ask if they want to touch my head. They always laugh and say yes.

Obviously this isn't going to work for every situation, but it can help in certain cases. I've managed to make a few friends that way, too. People are afraid of what they don't understand, and opening up in little ways is sometimes all it takes to help someone get past the fear.

/2 cents