Behind the Cover Story: Ruth Padawer on Parenting Boys Who Dress Up As Girls

[Shana A]

 August 13, 2012, 8:00 am
Behind the Cover Story: Ruth Padawer on Parenting Boys Who Dress Up As Girls
By RACHEL NOLAN

http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/13/behind-the-cover-story-ruth-padawer-on-parenting-boys-who-dress-up-as-girls/

Ruth Padawer, who teaches at the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, wrote this week's cover article on boys who like to dress up as girls. Her last article for the magazine was on reducing a pregnancy with twins to a single fetus.

[...]

Even the parents who consider themselves very liberal were still uncomfortable when their boys reached for dresses. Was there any factor that seemed to lead parents to accept and even encourage gender-variant behavior?

I don't think there was any one thing. For many, it was seeing how miserable their kids were when forced to conform — and seeing how peaceful their children were when allowed to be themselves. Of course, finding support from therapists and other parents helped a lot, not only with the big picture questions — do I suppress or support this? — but with smaller decisions too. Do I let my son wear a dress to Aunt Susie's Thanksgiving dinner so he'll be happy, or do I prohibit it so Grandpa will be happy? Whose needs should be given more importance? What compromises are possible?

[MadelineB]

GENDER-VARIANT CHILDREN CONTINUE TO CONFOUND
by Lisa Wade, Aug 11, 2012, at 02:56 pm

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/08/11/gender-variant-children-continue-to-confound/

Elizabeth sent in a link to a long and judicious New York Times article about biologically-male, gender-variant children, written by Ruth Padawer.  It's well done, laying out the struggles even liberal-minded parents go through, including the mixed messages they get from "experts."  It also briefly addresses the hormonal and genetic research, but acknowledges that the measures of femininity and masculinity used in these studies — and in daily life — are socially constructed.  That is, what is considered masculine or feminine is different across cultures and changes over time.

I thought this picture of three boys at a camp for gender-variant children, waiting for their turn in a fashion show, was particularly interesting (photo by Lindsay Morris):


I was struck by not just the emphasis on the dress/skirt, but the nail polish, jewelry, and high heels (on at least two of the children).  Their poses are also striking, for their portrayal of not just femininity, but sexualized femininity....

In contrast, perhaps femininity appeals to some boys because we adultify and sexualize young girls; it's a form of grown up play as well as gender deviance?
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New York Times article referred to by the author is located here:
What's So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?
-MadelineB