NEED HELP

[PawPrince]

Okay so let me give you a little insight with what I'm going through and hopefully someone can help me...here goes.

I am a transguy (obviously). I am in a relationship with another transguy. I am bisexual. And mine and my boyfriends relationship is a polyamorous one. Yeah so far its confusing as hell right...just wait.

My boyfriend has a boyfriend. He is biologically male. His mother raised him (basically) as a girl. He did everything mommy did (he's not a transwoman [we think] but he knows a lot about how it is to be raised as the wrong gender so he can relate to us a LOT, which doesn't help my case).

So, I've been on T for over a year and I think I pass pretty well. Will add photo if someone wants to see it. But anyways here's my issue.


He is biologically male and I keep feeling jealous about him (and any biological male that my boyfriend is interested in) because I am very insicure in myself. I thought by now I would have come to turms with "I have to accept myself for who I am and realize I will never be biologically male"....obviously I haven't.

I don't have money to talk to a theripist about my issues (something I should have done before getting T but my therapist and I thought I was ready when obviously I had unresolved issues I didn't even know existed until now, not his fault, he is a great therapist but I guess I didn't think that it would ever be an issue) so here I am, and here's where I need everyones help....


My question is....


How do I accept the fact that I will never be biologically male? or What ways/steps can I take towards acceptance?


and...


What can I do to destroy thoughts of inferiority to this guy (or any other guy that comes along) so I can maintain/make better my relationship with my boyfriend?


I really appreciate anyone who answers me because I do love the polyamorous life style but I just have a hard time with biological men who take an intrest with my boyfriend but not me (they usually say that I am too masculine for them or "bro-like" for them to be attracted to me, and my boyfriend is a fem gay guy which is one of the reasons why they are attracted to him [which he is perfectly okay with, as long as they don't see him as a woman]).

Thank you again.

~Paw Prince

[mikaellucien]

I don't think I have much to offer in regards to acceptance of not being biologically male.  However, as for your relationship(s) & jealousy in general...  Jealousy is a fairly common emotion to experience in any poly relationship.  My suggestion on that is to sit with your partner & have an honest discussion about it.  Open honest communication is key in any relationship, especially so with polyamory.

[Mosaic dude]

Hi PawPrince!  Good to meet you. 

I can really identify with that feeling of having to compete with natal men and being afraid you can't – it gets me too.  I'm not sure whether I can give you good advice because to be honest I'm not all that good at dealing with it myself, but I find it definitely helps to play to your strengths.  Celebrate what makes you a good person, and try to keep your sense of identity grounded in things other than your biology.  I know that's a lot easier to say than to do, especially when physical reality keeps smacking you upside the head with the dysphoria stick every day.  And I know that some days just suck, so it's important to have people you can go to for support when you need it.  Yes you have to accept yourself, but that's not always easy and it's important to be able to talk about it honestly.  Susans' is a great place to come for a bit of solidarity.

Of course I don't know how your relationship works, but it sounds to me like you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a good talk about how you feel and why.  Your boyfriend is a transguy too, so he should be able to understand where you're coming from.  I'd guess he probably has very similar insecurities.

[justmeinoz]

It sounds like the problem is jealousy in a poly relationship, regardless of gender issues. 
I have known a couple of people who are polyamorous, as friends only , and they spend a lot of time making sure everyone is comfortable with a new lover before things become serious.  Lots of talking ahead I'd say.

Karen.