When did you decide that you needed SRS?

[Apples]

* Can we stop with the real Vs fake pussy, pretty please with a cherry on top? We do what we can with what life has given us.

* Let's stick to the original question, and keep away the "woman with a penis is a condemned monster", please. Remember Rules 9 and 10.



Just wondering.

- Did you know before starting transition that this was your ultimate goal? Or...

- At first you though that keeping your original tool and orchy/hysto was more than enough, but changed your mind over time and it turned to be a necessary for having a normal life?



My doubt is that at this moment, I don't think I need it, but who knows in a future if my mind can evolve? It's going to be a lot of money that could be used on better things for improving my "public" part of my body, but what if I were to desperately need it and couldn't afford it?. My plan was to get an orchy just to be on the safe zone, and leave it for later in life (even if I means having less skin to work with) when the economic situation improves.

[pretty pauline]

I don't understand how anyone wants to be a woman with a penis,

I absolutely agree, when I started my transition many years ago, with FFS, then a BA twice, I didn't set srs as my goal, but having gone thru all the stages of transition, finally getting srs completed my transition, when I kept putting it off for fear of surgery, it was my Mother that encouraged and advised me to get srs so that I could live a normal life as a woman.

Was SRS necessary for a normal life? Yes.

Yes! Definitely, Im now a complete woman, just ask my husband, I live a normal life just like any other married woman, full time housewife, I couldnd have that life if I didn't have my surgery, my life now is a normal woman's life.
Pauline

[Silent Killer]

When I realized I can't attract almost any and majority of straight men without a vagina.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Seems like forever.  Every time I go to the bathroom, it just looks normal.

[Padma]

For me, transitioning has always been about the surgery - everything else is secondary, though I am enjoying physically feminising. The sense of self I am transitioning to meet has a vagina, it's that simple.

I don't feel the need to understand other people's gender dysphoria to accept it even if it's way different from mine - people are so diverse, I'd be very surprised if we were all alike in our experiences.

[AbraCadabra]

Just wondering.

- Did you know before starting transition that this was your ultimate goal?

No way, I did not WANT to know. The last I had visited this notion was at ~ 8 years when I wanted to cut my 'extra' simply off and be done with it. After that... all other stuff (survival) kept me busy - for years and years.

Or...

- At first you though that keeping your original tool and orchy/hysto was more than enough, but changed your mind over time and it turned to be a necessary for having a normal life?

Orchie? NO WAY!...
I just had no idea really until all this came out of some murky place in my mind. Once in the open... it was SRS, or pretty much a 'check out' for me.
Really very clear - and as bad GD as it seems to get. GD and how strong, is the motivator for all of this in my experience.
I'm also limited to thinking that women do not have a penis... I think it's called... binary?

My doubt is that at this moment, I don't think I need it, but who knows in a future if my mind can evolve? It's going to be a lot of money that could be used on better things for improving my "public" part of my body, but what if I were to desperately need it and couldn't afford it?. My plan was to get an orchy just to be on the safe zone, and leave it for later in life (even if I means having less skin to work with) when the economic situation improves.

Well... and in the end... we ARE simply all different and evolve all differently.
I was asked at the beginning of transition if I "was going to have my penis cut off" the usual sort of question, mostly from a guy.
My honest answer then was: "I cannot say right now how far this will take me..." and did I get looks!
In the beginning everyone thought I'm going through some late mid-life-crisis and all will go away. Later on they found other creative ways to explain things...
I did know quite soon there was more to it... and vaguely even knew... this was going to take me 'all the way'. And so it did, never mind my age. Never mind. What is, is, once it happens.

Axélle

[justmeinoz]

I guess it is just another sign that I really am a woman, because I keep changing my mind.   

Karen.

[Tristan]

Um. I think it was decided for me like six months ago?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Apples,

Just wondering.

- Did you know before starting transition that this was your ultimate goal? ...

Well, to be completely honest. No. SRS is by no means my ultimate goal, yet it forms part of it. My ultimate goal, before starting my transition, was and has always been to become a complete and authentic woman, by whatever means possible.

Absolutely no doubt about it at all.

To me, it was and still is, getting the outer to match the inner. Once the inner is satisfied, that inner woman just starts to radiate outwardly.

Once I know my gender is congruent, sex then takes on a new dimension. It then forms part of being a total and complete woman.

I think Pauline nailed it on the head.

just ask my husband, I live a normal life just like any other married woman, full time housewife, I couldn't have that life if I didn't have my surgery, my life now is a normal woman's life

Basically, I don't care what I look like on the outside. It's all those components on the inside that count. By that I mean, my temperament, emotions, feelings, compassion, empathy, how I feel as a complete woman, is THE most important thing to me.

No amount of non geneital external body modifications could ever make me feel like a complete woman. For myself, if I'm not complete, I'm not authentic. But that's just me.

I see men who look like women, yet are men by virtue of how they think and act inside. I see women who look like men, yet are women by virtue of how they think and act inside.

You, Apples, are doing a fantastic job of working through your journey. I commend you for that. You are constantly moving forward, questioning every possible outcome. That is excellent.

As I'm considerably further down my track than you. By virtue of the time I've been working on it. My only advice would be to keep all your options open until you finalise each one. If HRT is part of your journey, be aware of the psychological changes that will take you, in an all new direction.   

This journey will open up vistas of understanding and opportunity you never thought existed or possible. Prepare to enjoy it.

Huggs
Catherine

[Apples Mk.II]

Great, yesterday I had a freak out and killed the account.

But when you just don't want to.. I don't know. I don't understand how anyone wants to be a woman with a penis, and I don't understand how they expect the average person to not be freaked out by it. I know some people on here don't like it when other members speak freely about stuff like this, but so be it.

You mention "public" body parts. When talking about people who want/need both SRS and FFS, but don't know if they can afford both.. wow that's a tough one. I would probably have chosen SRS, but I never had any issues before facial surgery. I got some facial surgery done simply because I am deeply self loathing and I wanted to ease the process of looking at myself. I've never been "clocked" or what you call it before facial surgery. It was a matter of vanity and beauty obsession (hey, at least I admit it). If I'd boy face, I'd probably have done FFS first. Keep in mind that I'm in my early 20's. If you're in your 60's you might have different priorities.

- Yes, those are my problems. I will be 30 when I start and the few possible changes will be slow, but my face has never been androgynous or effeminated, only the opposite. FFS is mandatory for me, and expensive.

- I am not sure I can have enough budget for everything. At this moment I don't need it because I am not in any mood for sex or relationships, but my big worry is not being accepted or if it becomes impossible to have a "normal" life being stuck in the middle. I could understand not doing everything for people that already have a life and family, but for me I still have a few years of "youth" that I want to live. I've wasted most of my life and I want to enjoy what I have left before getting old.


In the end, that's the problem: Money. Sure, If I wait I can get the free SRS, but I am afraid about how good it will be. I don't want another freak between the legs. I can choose between trying to save everything cent I can (and it wouldn't be enough), or use that money to keep improving my body and stay forever in the middle, or getting the social security SRS.

As I'm considerably further down my track than you. By virtue of the time I've been working on it. My only advice would be to keep all your options open until you finalise each one. If HRT is part of your journey, be aware of the psychological changes that will take you, in an all new direction.   

The problem is not keeping the options, but enabling them.  Money is the biggest issue, being in a low income only makes it more difficult, and I risk being stuck in the middle of nowhere. Who I'd relation with then? Other PRe-ops? ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s? An FTM that does not dislike cocks? Not being able to cover everything may leave me stuck in another dangerous social situation, and I don't know if I will be able to live with it. "Oh, surprise, I have a dick, I forgot to mention it. But it does not matter to you, doesn't it?"

This is hard, and I haven't even started....

[AbraCadabra]

Not sure if it helps at all Apples - BUT... practically everything you mention/pointed out was on my mind when I started. And hey, I'm one old dame compared to you.

So,... you are BY NO MEANS in this single situation. It may just help to let THAT sink in.

Also, as far as ops go... you seem to have the idea to go under the knife (so long you got the $$$) and that be it then. Hey, like it's only the MONEY, right? WRONG!

Those ops are SERIOUS stuff, there's no real guaranty it turns out all to your liking --- and THAN what? More $$$ and more ops?

Ops HURT, they make you SICK, and can make you wonder if it was with the right surgeon, and the right thing to do in the first place. Etc. etc.

Why do I say all this? Because even with ALL the money in the bank YOU WILL NEED TIME - PATIENCE!!! to go through it all. IT CAN NOT BE RUSHED!
No way to do this all in jiffy, and then enjoy the rest of your youth after you "all done" ... IT WILL BE PART OF YOUR YOUTH, get used to the idea. Now.
Perfectionism - and SPEED are just not what is called for. Let that sink in and you may find... you may get what you NEED... if not getting what you WANT, and right now please.

Attitude... it can help you along... or it can mess you over, BIG TIME.

Food for thought?
Axélle

[Apples Mk.II]

At this moment I don't want that. Not because of people that will say "how can you live with that, you will be a monster, who wants a woman with a penis, etc", but because I feel it as unnecesary at this moment, risky and involving a severe grade of dysphoria I currently don't posses. But the problem is that what would happen if my mind evolved? I said years ago that I would never have a PS3 and there it is. That one pony was more than enough... There, full collection. Yes, these are trivial things, but... I also said I would never go to the gym or enter a sauna, or that I would never wear shorts. I know that my mind is incredibly prone to evolve with time and jump fences.

Right now I identify SRS as something oriented towards social functioning more than personal satisfaction, but I can't risk not having the option in the future if I enter another grade of dysphoria, or my mind fully switches to female (still not accepting that). Sooner or later I would need to remove the factories for health reasons, and it is a 50/50 choice.

It's all about planning for the worst. I need to rack money, just in case. And if I am going to do that, I'd better be a quality job. Although that money can improve overall quality life in a lot of other aspects...


PS: The social security option includes BA as part of the free bundle. Not so sure about somebody putting an alien object under my skin, unless they look really ugly.

[Smith]

I tottally agree with you sister Bella

I've always known. When I was 6 years old I told everbody at school that when I grew up I would "make myself into a 'real' girl". I've never understood the part where people keep their penis. It doesn't make sense in my head and therefore I really don't bother with it, nor do I see myself as belonging to the same "group" as people who have no desire to change that part of their body (not that I typically bother with grouping myself or others at all lol). The ones who for some reason or another can't, but want to, I feel so bad for. That's horrible! But when you just don't want to.. I don't know. I don't understand how anyone wants to be a woman with a penis, and I don't understand how they expect the average person to not be freaked out by it. I know some people on here don't like it when other members speak freely about stuff like this, but so be it.

You mention "public" body parts. When talking about people who want/need both SRS and FFS, but don't know if they can afford both.. wow that's a tough one. I would probably have chosen SRS, but I never had any issues before facial surgery. I got some facial surgery done simply because I am deeply self loathing and I wanted to ease the process of looking at myself. I've never been "clocked" or what you call it before facial surgery. It was a matter of vanity and beauty obsession (hey, at least I admit it). If I'd boy face, I'd probably have done FFS first. Keep in mind that I'm in my early 20's. If you're in your 60's you might have different priorities.

Was SRS necessary for a normal life? Yes.

[Apples Mk.II]

Mmmfff. I was looking for final results from different surgeons and... It makes me lose any interest on it. Even that Kunaporn photos I could see (old photos from surgeries made in 2000), not sure about current technique) look quite crappy. I don't know, but SRS could even increase my dysphoria. Yeah, I'd be a penis-woman, but... A good looking penis or a hideous faux hole? Dunno, unless I can see a recent photo that looks convincing enough, I don't think I want a full body modification.

[AbraCadabra]

Mmmfff. I was looking for final results from different surgeons and... It makes me lose any interest on it. Even that Kunaporn photos I could see (old photos from surgeries made in 2000), not sure about current technique) look quite crappy. I don't know, but SRS could even increase my dysphoria. Yeah, I'd be a penis-woman, but... A good looking penis or a hideous faux hole? Dunno, unless I can see a recent photo that looks convincing enough, I don't think I want a full body modification.

Maybe porn can give one a somewhat selective vision on the 'ideal vj' ?

There is a post some month old that linked to a site showing lots of vjs (FAAB) and their variations --- the way it sounds, you'd also likely be turning away with disapproval. Most looked far less aesthetic than pics of post-ops..

Just a thought, and surely NOT too far fetched,
Axélle

[Apples Mk.II]

Sorry, lots of auto-image problems still. And the fact that I may have a wrong idea about what do I want to get with this. At first it was more like "just change and be happy, let it flow", and now is more like trying to fit into some sort of mold I'm carving myself.


I have found more up to date photos from 2011 and the results have improved A LOT compared to what I saw at first.

Maybe porn can give one a somewhat selective vision on the 'ideal vj' ?

And axélle, you totally nailed it this time. You are right, too much porn has forced myself into delusions of one perfect body, completely away from reality. Porn, sports, male and female models... With time I've become more obsessive trying to chase an image created by the industry to rack up cash and straying from reality.


Thanks, you have reopened my eyes again!

[eli77]

There isn't anything wrong with keeping what you've got. This is Annika: http://www.autostraddle.com/just-your-typical-urban-hipster-femme-twentysomething-transgender-lesbian-84827/ . Annika is non-op. She's also clever, articulate, attractive, has a girlfriend, and writes for my favourite website.

No, it isn't super wildly easy to be non-op in this world, because, well, people are jerks. But it's not impossible to have a life that way. And I'd think it would be better than risking creating the kind of dysphoria that drives people to have that surgery in the first place. I.e. if you aren't uncomfortable with what you've got... you may not be comfortable with what you end up with post-surgery.

Personally, SRS was always part of transition for me. I found my previous physical design... rather alarming. And I'm a lot happier with what I've got now. But I don't understand the people who think that getting a vag built somehow turns you into a woman. I was female before I even walked down the path to transition. I was female when I was born, regardless of medical errors. My brain is female, I am female, the end.

To me, Annika is unquestionably female. What she does or does not do to her body is irrelevant. I guess I'm just not an "average person." Thank goodness. That sounds like it would be terribly dull.

[AbraCadabra]

No, I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but calling people jerks simply because they're unnerved by the idea of someone who presents as female having a penis and wants to keep it is uncalled for. Most people can't get that to click in their minds, and why should they? It's not their responsibility.

Maybe I'm just an "average person", but in my mind women have vaginas, and that's just how it is. You're entitled to feel the way you do, and I'm entitled to feel the way I do.

Well, here we go again  Women do have a vj and men the other item - its called being "BINARY" of mind-set.
99.99% of folks happen to be just that. Or at least start out that way. Does it make 99.99% of folks jerks... nah... I don't think so either.

But then, that is just MY opinion 

Axélle

[AbraCadabra]

It was always part of what I considered transition would be for me. If I didn't want srs, I wouldn't have bothered with the rest of it as it would take away the whole point of it for me.

This...

Axélle

[AbraCadabra]

And why wouldn't we be? It's instinctual. Even small children distiguish between male and female, and even small children are aware that males and females are "different" between the legs. Sure, you can choose to not let your sex dictate who you are on the inside, but you can't dictate how others should react to it. "Woman who wants to keep penis" is just weird to most people. It's weird to many transsexual women; imagine how people not facing any of this feel.

Point now been well made in deed... let's not call the Mods out on telling us to be nice to each other 

Just saying, eh
Axelle