This is getting real

[sally1990]

I am going to be going on hormones soon,  But I have all these concerns

1) pronouns, when do I start introducing them, do I wait for my body to match my identity?

2) My family is confused on how they are going to tell their kids, who I am very close with all of them. Every adult in my entire family knows, and I'v been told kids adjust better, but ya, I want to confuse them as less as possible.

3) I'v never wore girls clothes, even tho I have a strong desire 2 , roughly what time does your body matches your gender , and Yes I am aware everyone is different. Also when would you suggest I talk female, I'v never really cared about attracting attention or being stealth.

Again It is my life, but I am very reasonable, as my family is extremely close and I just want to know suggestions for the best way of going about it. I'm not the type to just suddenly just do it all overnight. I'm more of an observer and read these forums religiously and would like some help on these issues if possible.

I would ask my psychologist this but she has swine flu and that was also a setback to my change. 

[Apples Mk.II]

I've asked this myself, but the answer that suits me for 1 and 3 is: "You will know at the right time". It will probably be something gradual and unconscious, I guess.

[sally1990]

Thank you for you're reply , ya I guess i'll know when time is right. Still confused on 2 tho =(

[Jamie D]

Sally, some MtFs take a gradual approach, as hormone therapy often does not produce immediate results.  Others just jump right in, embrace the real life experience, and hope the hormones catch up to them.

Each transition, from what I have read on these boards, is unique.

[justmeinoz]

It's likely you will have at least a few months before you notice much change, and others will take longer unless you make deliberate changes.
With children a lot depends on age.  A close friend has two daughters 6 and 11, and they have accepted me without blinking, as have their parents, so they are just following Mum and Dad as kids do.  I think the girls  feel that boys are a bit yucky and who would want to be one anyway! 

Karen.

[sally1990]

thank you all =) , and yup its all about time I guess , there is 11 nephews ages 3-12 from different siblings, my closest nephew said to me how I looked like a girl cause I was wearing makeup and had my hair straightened to a family 18th , and my sister said , that boys wear makeup cause they have to cover their acne, my sister is my closest support and it hurt but I guess , its up to parents to know when the time is, and I guess people are visual people so she will tell her son when I'm well in my transition.

[Annah]

I am going to be going on hormones soon,  But I have all these concerns

1) pronouns, when do I start introducing them, do I wait for my body to match my identity?

I was referred to female pronouns when I went fulltime. I had no desire being called a "she" when I presented male. In my opinion, it just adds more confusion for your friends and loved ones.

2) My family is confused on how they are going to tell their kids, who I am very close with all of them. Every adult in my entire family knows, and I'v been told kids adjust better, but ya, I want to confuse them as less as possible.

My nieces and nephews took it very well. I think it really depends on the individual families and how originally opened they are. I know this sounds shallow, but the more you "pass" the more your younger relatives are with accepting it "easier" and "faster." I know it sounds shallow...but it's the observation I have noticed.

3) I'v never wore girls clothes, even tho I have a strong desire 2 , roughly what time does your body matches your gender , and Yes I am aware everyone is different. Also when would you suggest I talk female, I'v never really cared about attracting attention or being stealth.

I never wore girls clothes until I was ready too. I was on HRT for 6 months prior to going fulltime. I had completed about 6 months of voice training before going fulltime as well.

Again It is my life, but I am very reasonable, as my family is extremely close and I just want to know suggestions for the best way of going about it. I'm not the type to just suddenly just do it all overnight. I'm more of an observer and read these forums religiously and would like some help on these issues if possible.

I would ask my psychologist this but she has swine flu and that was also a setback to my change.

Taking your time is the best way. I think your way is reasonable.

[sally1990]

Thank you very much, and I don't think that's shallow. And yeah idk I just want my body to match my identity before I put things like that into place.

[MeghanAndrews]

Sally, the most important thing, and many informed consent providers would tell you the same thing, is go at your own pace! Don't be dictated by typical trans conventions or what others tell you. There are people who take HRT and still dress in boy clothes and go by boy name etc. until they start to get ma'amd and there are people who go full time with no HRT, voice work, etc. Think of it like a spectrum of when people go full time and those two extremes on there. Whatever your goals are should coincide with wearing girl clothes, coming out, expecting pronouns from loved ones. I think most of the problems with transition come when the transitioner's expectation of what her transition will be like (ex., "oh, no one will ever get pronouns wrong" "oh, everyone sees me as female" etc.) doesn't match her reality. I wouldn't really expect HRT to do too much, then if you get a ton of results you'll be happy with what you have, right? Don't feel like you have to do anything you aren't ready to do, just go with the flow and like someone said in this thread, you'll know when it's time. Good luck on your journey 🙂 Meghan

[Alainaluvsu]

1st, I agree with what everyone says: go at your own pace.

2nd, my family had the same concerns. My sister finally broke down and just told her kids flat out and we all get along perfectly. She lives 400 miles away and I went to see her for nearly a week and her kids didn't miss a beat on the pronouns. I was maamed the whole time! She, in fact, slipped more than they did! My brother and his ex wife on the other hand, still haven't told their kids and I used to see them all the time (like once a week) ... I haven't seen them since October... wayyy before I transition. If you ask me, they are just not accepting of it at all. Be ready for that.

3rd, I started getting quite a bit of "mixed gendering" as I call it around 7 months on HRT... and was getting ma'amed more than sir'd around 8 months (which is why I went full time). However I am still feminizing, and at around 11 months I was more comfy with wearing tank tops.

As far as your voice, practice whenever you can... in drive thrus or on the phone with people that don't know you. Start doing that now. Nothing attracts attention more than a girl that talks manly. I use my man voice when I want to freak people out, and it startles even the most grounded people. Even my sister was taken back when she heard my male voice (as in, she heard it and was visibly shaken). People have even sir'd me at first, then maam'd me after hearing my voice! Voice is more powerful than many people give it credit for...

[cindianna_jones]

I didn't go full time until I could fully pass. For me, that had more to do with facial hair than effects from HRT. Everyone has given you sound advice. Take it easy. Make sure to work with your relatives and address their concerns slowly. You'll be fine.

[sally1990]

Thank you all,  Will be taking everything said into consideration. 

[Reagan]

So yes go at your own pace. It's your transition...

I have to say as a parent and a aunt younger children have a better time dealing than most adults. Both my niece and nephew accept me as their aunt. I have found that people who have a hard time dealing with this are usually the ones who have children that have a harder time understanding.

My parents are still probably the most confused. They are very sweet and mean well, but they are having the hardest time using the correct pronoun and my new name. I don't live near them and it's been months since I have seen them so I guess I can't blame them. I do know that I called my dad last month and for the first time used my fem voice. He didn't recognise me and asked "Who is this?"  I said "Reagan." and he said "Reagan Who?"  Then he finally remembered. it was a little awkward.
These things that seem awkward and strange will allow you to later be able to go back and laugh about them.

Do what makes you feel comfy and the important things will get worked out in time as you go along. 

~Rea