Presenting more feminine in order to pass

[Sly]

This is kind of a weird concept, but it works, for me at least.

When I first came out as trans I tried to look very stereotypically masculine, with beanies and hoodies and baggy jeans and all that.  But I rarely passed back then, and was more often read as a tomboy.

I started being more comfortable with feminine expression after a while, and started wearing more tight-fitting clothes and occasionally makeup.  I figured, I don't really pass anyway, so who cares?  But once I started doing this I became read as female a lot less often and started passing as a feminine dude.  When I come out to people, they always assume I'm transitioning from male to female.

Just an interesting thing I thought I'd share.  Maybe something to try if you feel like you're not passing?

[fooledthecrowd]

I think a lot of it has to do with self confidence. When someone purposely presents as more 'masculine' or displays more 'masculine' mannerisms and that's not who they truly are, they're obviously not going to be very comfortable or confident. People will sense that. When we become more comfortable with ourselves, we become more confident, and people will sense that as well. I don't think it's necessarily presenting as more feminine that would help someone "pass" -- just presenting how they're most comfortable instead of how society pushes them to act.

[Nygeel]

I agree with this concept. I'm usually read as a masculine/butch woman as opposed to a man which is frustrating. I have done a lot more in the stereotypical masculine man stuff but it just leads to "butch." In my mind people don't associate a butch or masculine woman with flamboyance or make up. It can help.

[wheat thins are delicious]

When I first came out as trans I tried to look very stereotypically masculine, with beanies and hoodies and baggy jeans and all that.  But I rarely passed back then, and was more often read as a tomboy.

I think of that as stereotypical lesbian dress.

[Natkat]

its prette much the same for me.

being masculine have more been where people mistake me for being a tomboy, and being femenine I easly pass as a femenine guy..

But its kinda annoying I am femenine, but its not always I want to be so femenine that I pass as..
kinda twisted game..

but I pass thats what matter most for me.

[Mosaic dude]

I had this experience last time I dressed en femme, i.e. a dress and makeup.  It was mom's birthday, so I had to make an effort.  To my huge surprise, the guy in the restaurant addressed me as "sir".  To my face.  I've been read as a dude before by people looking at me from behind, but never from the front.  Apparently, when I dress like a woman I look like a dude in drag.  I can see how that works - I think my normal appearance makes people think I'm a butch lesbian, but I look unnatural dressed like a girl because I'm not good at it and am obviously uncomfortable.

[Disgusting]

Confidence and context make a lot of difference.  Whether your look seems "intentional" can have a big impact on how people perceive it.  I have experienced this plenty, myself (though dressing in a more "masculine" manner has never caused issues for me since I tend to just wear what I like and am comfortable with).

[Ayden]

I think its amazing what confidence can do, for sure. I pass fine without trying to be super masculine. I just wear comfortable clothes and people don't bat an eye at me. I actually get read as male more often when I wear my rainbow glasses rather than my plain blue frames. Go figure! 

[Medusa]

it is simple
girls can wear guys clothes, it is common > so you must be really manly to pass (even me mtf have ever hard time to pass this way  )
but feminine guys are expected to be cute, soft and can wear makeup > so it can be easier to pass this way 
btw I'm maybe pervert, but I see this cute

[Erica]

I think that being able to present myself confidently has helped me a lot. 

[Jeatyn]

I've found this too...it's very weird. I rarely pass so at times I don't bother binding and wear a shirt that actually fits and feels comfy and will suddenly get called "young man" - it's so confusing xD really makes me wonder why I bother with the hassle of binding and layering if I'm just gonna get misgendered anyway.

[insideontheoutside]

I find this concept interesting. I suppose it could work on a case by case type of basis. I know if I do all the stereotypically male appearance things I look like crap. Short hair makes my whole head look more feminine. Like I look like some pixie, possibly lesbian chick. Not that there's anything at all wrong with pixie-looking, possibly lesbian chicks. But that's not me at all ... just like the very masculine, short hair, regular male clothes appearance is not me either.

I've thought about it a lot why people who don't know me when I'm just out and about, clock me as female 90% of the time. I pretty much have a watered down "alternative" look going on. Currently I've got 2 tone hair (black under dye job and brown on top) in a really choppy, textured cut ... wear more of the rocker-hipster-alternative-yet-fashion-conscious type of clothes and accessories ... and am 5'3" and 130 lbs. I've been told that when people are unsure of gender and there's any other kind of signs which might put you in one category or the other (for instance, being very short), people will go with female for the reason that most women would be highly offended if they were called a male, but most males would either just laugh it off or straight up correct someone.

I have noticed I get misgendered less in certain situations. If I'm at an "alternative rock" concert for instance, way more people there are accepting of males looking like I do and often assume male before female. Oddly enough I get misgendered less in Mexican restaurants. Could be because a lot of Mexican guys are very short, so they're not seeing the shortness as something that automatically puts me into the female column.

All this aside, I don't "act" like a female or a feminine male, even though I may dress or have my hair more on that side of the spectrum. So I'm still kind of at a loss on what exactly it is that people see.

[Stealthy]

Can happen. Depends on how androgynous your natural features are. If you're at a certain point on the 'androgynity' scale, then depending on your location as well (more queer visibility = more chance of this happening), a more effeminate presentation will read male, a more masculine presentation will read female.

[Erica]

All this aside, I don't "act" like a female or a feminine male, even though I may dress or have my hair more on that side of the spectrum. So I'm still kind of at a loss on what exactly it is that people see.

I felt the same way when I was transitioning.  I purposely waited until hormones and electrolysis had gotten me to the point where people were identifying me as female, before I started doing things like wearing much makeup and dressing non-androgynously.  Looking at pictures from that period, I am still at a loss as to what people were seeing when they gendered me as female. 

[aleon515]

Erica, I have no idea what people are reading (or not reading). From the looks of it, people seem to be reading just about everything but my clothes. I actually know I dont' look male. But it seems funny to me that I will pass for a few seconds anyway.

--Jay Jay

[Erica]

Hey Jay Jay:

I'm not sure where you are in your transition, and even though we are going in opposite directions, I know how frustrating the process is, particularly because it takes so long for the changes you want to manifest.  In my case, getting rid of my facial hair did wonders for me, that was when I really started to pass at least some of the time.  And I've heard other guys say that when theirs came in, that was when they started to pass.  IDK if you are on T or where you are, and I apologize if you are already past this or if it doesn't apply to you, but whatever it is, hang in there.  I've also heard that some reputable surgeons, such as Dr. Ousterhout, who is known for doing MTF's, also does facial masculinization.  If that's an option, it might be worth checking out if you still aren't where you want to be after hormones. 

Best of luck <3

[aleon515]

Thanks for your post Erica. I started out clearly thinking I was genderqueer. But now I am not so sure. The more male I present (including packing and so on) they happier and more together I feel. It's only been a few months for me that I knew I was trans. I am not really ready to take T, as I feel like that I must have more of a sense of knowing what's what. I am in gender counseling. I would be more inclined to do T than surgery. I have a pretty androgynous face anyway-- put hair on it and it would look male, plus I believe that fat shifts around.

This is what I look like off T and all:


--Jay Jay

[Erica]

Definitely take your time, go through counseling, make sure it's what you want before you start something like hormones that maybe can't be undone easily.  Getting rid of facial hair is a pain in the butt, if you would ever decide to go back : )  And yeah, definitely give the hormones a chance to do their job before doing something like surgery...at east two years (well, for MTF's, idk how quickly T works).  But likely, you won't need facial surgery anyway.  It seems like a lot of FTM's come out pretty good, as I believe T can change bony structures, unlike estrogen.  The fat in my face definitely shifted a little...that change took a bit longer than some of the others (honestly, the first thing I got was a little bit of cellulite : P ).  And most definitely, put some hair on that face, and I doubt you'l be misgendered.   

Best of luck, it's a long, sometimes frustrating road, but if it turns out to be right for you, it's worth it.  If you're feeling happier and more together as a person the more male you present, that could be a good indication.  That's certainly how I have felt as I've transitioned. 

Feel free to write me if you ever want to : )

[aleon515]

Hi Erica,

Ok no more robbing the thread here (though it may be used up anyway), goign to PM you.
Thanks.

--Jay Jay