I FOUND HIM IN MY DRESS

[LostInTime]

ok, I thought that the title was for a trashy T book at first...

Dear Dr Cath,

I'VE been married for two years and thought I had a pretty normal marriage. But when I came home from work early I found my husband in the bedroom trying on my clothes.

He denies being gay but says he enjoys the feel of women's clothes and that he likes to try my things on. I don't want to throw away my marriage but don't know how it can work with him always wanting to wear my clothes.


Dr Cath replies,

IT may seem odd but a lot of men get a sense of relief from dressing up as a woman. And it's estimated that one in ten men get this urge. What's hard to grasp is that this desire isn't a sign a man longs to be a woman or is gay.

[RebeccaFog]

The woman should be happy her husband doesn't 'relax' by getting high or drunk, or hanging with his no good friends on the weekends.

[Attis]

Yeah, talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Now she can test all the latest makeup on him first instead of herself to see if it looks horrible. :3

-- Brede

[Rachel]

seriously, one should enjoy everything about their partner, not force their ideals on them

[togetherwecan]

Too bad this is more of a dear abby sort of thing instead of an article because it doesn't let us know if conversations have ensued. The assumption we are left with is he is merely a man easing tension however we all know it could be something else entirely. I don't think we can pass judgement on the wife in this without further information and the reality is, regardless of the situation, this isn't what she signed up for and as an adult should be left to make her own decisions whether or not this is something she wants in her life.

[Kate]

I don't think we can pass judgement on the wife in this without further information and the reality is, regardless of the situation, this isn't what she signed up for and as an adult should be left to make her own decisions whether or not this is something she wants in her life.

Right, exactly. I mean sure, there's nothing "wrong" with it, but if the wife didn't know about it beforehand... we can't blame her for being uncomfortable with it. It might seem harmless to the CDr, but it can open up all sorts of questions for the wife... especially regarding her own sexuality. Many wives are turned off by a man displaying femininity, sorta nudging their way into HER role. The CDr may not see it that way, but the wife may.

Kate

***ooops meant to hit quote not edit, sorry Kate!

[togetherwecan]

I don't think we can pass judgement on the wife in this without further information and the reality is, regardless of the situation, this isn't what she signed up for and as an adult should be left to make her own decisions whether or not this is something she wants in her life.

Right, exactly. I mean sure, there's nothing "wrong" with it, but if the wife didn't know about it beforehand... we can't blame her for being uncomfortable with it. It might seem harmless to the CDr, but it can open up all sorts of questions for the wife... especially regarding her own sexuality. Many wives are turned off by a man displaying femininity, sorta nudging their way into HER role. The CDr may not see it that way, but the wife may.

Kate

***ooops meant to hit quote not edit, sorry Kate!

Yes and also before any of those feelings she is going to run the gamut of feelings of beng betrayed and lied to. That is a lot to choke down when the issue is such a life changing one. No one should make decisions for their spouse based on their own secrets and by marrying without telling the truth and hiding the truth that is a betrayal any way you look at it.
Now I do understand that many people didn't know or validate these things about themselves before they got married, but IMHO it is the spouse with the secret that should step forward long before the wife arrives home early from work one day and busts them.

[Rachel]

very good point....as i have said in other threads, i would want to tell my SO about my TS status when i find someone.....they deserve as much

[Maebh]

very good point....as i have said in other threads, i would want to tell my SO about my TS status when i find someone.....they deserve as much

I allways did. I wouldn't have a relationship based on lies.
But still some people might be afraid either to be rejected, or mis-understood or even they just want to keep it a secret to protect the spouse to whom they don't want to cause the kind of distress mentioned below. So neither can we judge them.

HLL&R

Maebh

[togetherwecan]

very good point....as i have said in other threads, i would want to tell my SO about my TS status when i find someone.....they deserve as much

But still some people might be afraid either to be rejected, or mis-understood or even they just want to keep it a secret to protect the spouse to whom they don't want to cause the kind of distress mentioned below. So neither can we judge them.

HLL&R

Maebh

If a TS person holds back such an enormous piece of info from their SO they themselves are doing two things...
one: rejecting themselves
two: rejecting their SO's as an adult capable of making their own life decisions

Has it ever occured to any of you that have held the secret from their spouses that it IS possible that they would have been much more accepting had they been given the opportunity to NOT be deceived from the get go? Just asking, no offense meant.

[Maebh]

If a TS person holds back such an enormous piece of info from their SO they themselves are doing two things...
one: rejecting themselves
two: rejecting their SO's as an adult capable of making their own life decisions
Has it ever occured to any of you that have held the secret from their spouses that it IS possible that they would have been much more accepting had they been given the opportunity to NOT be deceived from the get go? Just asking, no offence meant.

I won't argue with that except perhaps replacing rejecting by denying. You're dead right there. That why I always have been up-front myself. No offence taken. And by the way I think the same would aply to CDs or TVs too.

Hope, Light, Love & Respect

Maebh