I'm going to my first support group - your experiences?

[Jeatyn]

I've found a local trans-support group in my area and I've emailed back and forth with the person who runs it to get the details and it seems cool. I'm going to meet up with the group in a pride cafe and I'm super nervous!

What are your experiences - if any - of going to support groups?

[Shantel]

My first group meeting was many years ago and I have to admit that I went there in fear and trepidation. As I looked around at every sort of gender expression imaginable, I almost bolted out the door! Once I calmed down and took control of the rapid heartbeat and inner panting I was going through I soon became aware of a commonality that we all shared in spite of some of the goofy getups I was seeing. You'll do fine, just breath deeply for awhile and listen for a few sessions.

[suzifrommd]

My support group has been a big part of being able to accept myself and my gender issues. The one I go to lasts 2 hours twice a month and everyone is encouraged to speak. People are very supportive but the rules of the group favor speaking about your own successes vs. giving advice. Some people also go out for food after the sessions.

Good Luck Jeatyn

[Joann]

Just went to my first last month Its really cool to talk freely with people about gender. You won't feel like you have to defend yourself.
I tried to listen more than speak and was surprised how completely  some had transitioned.
Enjoy!!

[aleon515]

I go to two different support groups. A sort of mixed group with everybody (mtf, ftm, genderqueer, spouses and so on) and a ftm group. The sessions are at a local trans center. I wasn't too nervous going as I had already started going to the trans center and  doing some informal counseling and so on. It's been a very good experience but being in a group and meeting real people-- there isn't any substitute for this.

We don't go out afterwards but we often talk for an hour or so after the group is over.

--Jay Jay

[cynthialee]

When I first went to the local IRL trans* group it was me, my spouse and 4 transguys. I was the only MTF. At first I was a tad out of place, but I quickly realised that the issues that FTM and MTF are very similar and the basic road map is the same. {therapy, hormones, RLE, then surgery} So I stuck with the group as it is kinda cool having MTF and FTM togather because the mtf know all the guy rules and the ftm know all the girl rules.

Then as time went on our group changed members and there were some more girls that showed up. Some were odd by my standards and one made me uncomfortable but I stuck with the group and over time the membership changed a bit and grew some. More new weird people...They grew on me. Eventually the group grew and we started to get notice within the local LGBT comunity. {This year Spokane Trans* People recieved the group award at the Spokane Rainbow Awards. Sevan gave the acceptance speach. We were picked over a number of very worthy groups including the local LGBT Center, PFLAG, PJALS and a long list of other LGBT/queer friendly organisations I would have picked over the transgroup if it was my call.}

Over time Sevan {my awesome androgyne spouse for those not in the know} became the facilitator/comunications cordinator and I became the group treasurer.
The group has grown to over 50 members with an average meeting of about 18 trans* people and a couple of moms of some teen transitioners in the group. Most of the members are dear friends. Even the rare few I do not like, I consider family and I worry after them when I haven't seen them in awhile.


I am very happy that I stuck it out and maintained membership in the local group. If I would have decided after the first few meetings that a roomful of FTM's had nothing to offer me and went my own way, I never would have become involved in the mission and I never would have met some of the most wonderful people I have ever known. I would not have realised that FTM and MTF have so many things to teach each other and I never would have had so many opportunities to grow as I have had.

[JoanneB]

After a good 40 years of figuring I could "go it alone" I finally had to seek out support. The group I eventualy found literally changed my life. IMHO no matter how much you think you may know about being trans, being a room full of plain ole ordinary boring folks, just like you, gives a totally different perspective. By the second meeting I knew I absolutely needed to be there. About all the shame I harbored over being trans is gone. Still some guilt, but that is a L-O-N-G story and complicated after a 56 year life.

I often wish we had mettings more than once a month. However, I do know if I just need to vent or to get a desperately needed opinion most are just a phone call away, or a posting on the group site.

My wife, as well as me, was a bit nervous since about everone in the group were either, post-op, living full time, or going to really soon. Me? I just knew since the age of 5 I was trans but settled on being "normal" with a difference here or there.

Not all experiences are the same. Groups do vary a LOT i have been told.If the one you are going to does not feel right, do it give it some time, but also keep options open for finding others. Mine are extremely limited and I have been extremely blessed. I drive 90 miles to the only one closest to me. I haven't missed a meeting in over 2 years

[Jeatyn]

Thank you all it's very encouraging to hear you've all had very good experiences 

It's interesting that yours started out as mainly transguys Cynthia, I expected most to be the other way around.

The one I'm going to is specifically for under 25's so I know everyone is going to be around my age. I've been put off in the past by support groups because they seemed very much centred around the older MTF crowd. Not that there's anything wrong with that I just didn't feel like I would be able to relate very well to any of them.

A lot of them I've found are also held late at night which always worried me. I wouldn't feel comfortable going around my nearest big citys in the dark under normal circumstances, never mind in a group that would tend to draw attention to itself. I may just be being paranoid but I got beaten up a lot as a kid while I was out in those citys xD

I've been wanting to go to one for ages just to meet other trans people in person and hear their experiences. I've finally found one that seems perfect, held right in the LGBT friendly part of the city in the middle of the day with people my age ^__^

[lilacwoman]

I went to one and thought 'I have nothing in common with this lot' and never went to another.

[Sarah Louise]

Pretty much the same for me, I went once or twice and decided it was not right for me.

[cynthialee]

I felt very similar when I first started going to the IRL group. But after awhile my opinion on that changed.
Even the people in my group I have no point of referance with, they are good friends and I consider them family. I really do not need to have any thing in common with some one to become friends with them or to offer or recieve support from them.

Also I figured that if I left the mainly FTM group then the next time a MTF showed up there would be no MTF to conect with for her. But I was there when other MTF started to show up.

If your local group is not what you want it to be, then stick around and start changing things around some to suit you.

[Violet Bloom]

I'm finally going to my first support group meeting at the 519 in Toronto tonight.  I'll follow up on my experience afterward.  This move isn't so much about making contacts or getting information although that would certainly be helpful - For me it's more about starting to acknowledge to real-life local people about my trans feelings.  It's baby steps towards admitting it to my family.  If this particular group isn't for me then I won't be concerned - it's still an important milepost on my journey.

[Joann]

Going to my 2nd tomorrow

[Arch]

I've had mixed experiences with the three groups in my area, and I stopped really needing the groups after a while. One group had way more MTFs than FTMs, so I looked forward to the FTM group. I made a few friends as well, but I have to admit that I had very little in common with most people at the groups.

I also found that certain topics are pretty much off the table--YMMV--so keep your ears open at first. For example, I had extreme issues with women but wasn't free to talk about that in group, even the FTM group. The members were mostly former lesbians and rah-rah-aren't-women-uniformly-wonderful. There was no space for me to talk about my phobias or distrust. It's a pity, because I truly wanted the help.

After about eight or nine months, I started going to a gay men's group and soon realized that I had way more in common with those guys (as a group) than with the trans guys as a group. But I still need trans support, so I come here.

[Rita]

Depends on your needs but I didn't need a support group to work out my emotions.  But what my limited time in the group did was allow me to network, and figure out the basic roadmap and where to go.

@Arch
Definitely, there is a distinct difference between transgender issues and sexuality issues.  I don't see any reason why a gay or lesbian group would lock us out because of our chromosome as the point of those groups are not distinctly male or female but what effects our sexuality.  Obviously a cis gendered straight woman isn't going to go to a gay male meeting because her sexuality is not that of a man who prefers men.

There is sometimes transphobia within the transgender community because of sexuality.  Totally not an oxymoron.

[Arch]

@Arch
Definitely, there is a distinct difference between transgender issues and sexuality issues.  I don't see any reason why a gay or lesbian group would lock us out because of our chromosome as the point of those groups are not distinctly male or female but what effects our sexuality.  Obviously a cis gendered straight woman isn't going to go to a gay male meeting because her sexuality is not that of a man who prefers men.

Can you clarify what you mean? I'm a little confused. (It's close to bedtime...)

[justmeinoz]

I have been a member of a local group for just over a year now, and have found it a great help.  Sometimes I am the only one there with the  facilitator, other times we can have a dozen, FtM and MtF.  I have made several good friends and generally make it to the meetings.

Karen.

[Jeatyn]

I forgot about this post, I meant to check in after the group and tell you how it went 

It was....ok I suppose.

Turns out the group was mostly androgynes, go figure. Which was horrendously confusing for me on the pronoun front >.> There was actually only one MTF and one FTM (two if you include me), the other 5 or so were neither.

But yeah it wasn't really what I was expecting, it felt more like a youth group than a trans group if that makes any sense. Nothing trans was ever mentioned, other than me needing to ask what pronouns I should be using and getting a resounding "I'm not bothered" in response xD

[Joann]

I forgot about this post, I meant to check in after the group and tell you how it went 

It was....ok I suppose.

Turns out the group was mostly androgynes, go figure. Which was horrendously confusing for me on the pronoun front >.>

Yes, Us andros can be confusing. when i was first asked " how do you present?" i didn't know what to say.
Right Now, I present as male but recognize the feminine within  me.
But its fun. We can change our minds anytime. ANY time...

[Rita]

Can you clarify what you mean? I'm a little confused. (It's close to bedtime...)

The fact that you choose to seek two separate groups.  Sexuality is where we define ourselves and where we are all different!

I think your FtM groups failed on that point for sure.