Its a tough call. Evan without the chest surgery. I am having issues here, and I am married to a man. People fall in love with others and part of that is their perception of that person being A or Z. And unfortunately, gender is a huge thing. It makes our partners then have to question their identity and attraction. Additionally, there is some of, " if you loved me, you wouldn't do this/ be this way/ feel this way", etc. Top surgery just takes an idea - and makes it much more visible. Many spouses can probably tolerate female partners dressing/ acting more masculine (I'm not sure MTFs have this same luxury). However, chopping off boobs cements an identity that partners are not comfortable with. My spouse has told me on many occasions "if i knew you were a guy, I wouldn't have married you". The more I masculinize
my body, the less attracted to me he becomes.
Plus, it also goes back to identity. If you transition, you would go from being seen as a lesbian couple, perhaps also part of that community - to being a heterosexual couple. I've been reading a book called feminine masculinity, and that is apparently a huge issue.
If I transitioned, my husband would go from us being in what could be considered "mainstream, heterosexual" to being a gay couple. My husband is fairly open minded, and he would argue till the cows come home that he is not homophobic, however, that concept basically stops his heart. That is not part of his identity, and he never expected to face a situation where it would be.
Maybe counseling would work?
