Just in need of a little help please

[princessme]

Hi I am new. My partner is a pre op mtf woman. We are very new in to our relationship (been official about a month). I was initially a supportive friend, didn't expect to gain a beautiful partner and wonderful relationship from it! As this whole situation is so new to me, I often find some things overwhelming and don't want to ask my partner as I really firstly don't want to offend her or make her feel uncomfortable or secondly make her think I am having doubts (this happened before and it was not a nice situation for either of us making asking questions difficult for me). First thing is first, I want to do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable, I offer as much support as I can, I buy her nice clothes, I tell her how beautiful she looks etc. This is always well received. I do find when she is dressed feminine, she oozes confidence, is very happy and is lovely to be around.  Another issue is from my point of view, I am a straight female. I fell in love with a person not a gender. However, I feel uneasy trying to get my head around even simple things like if I am suppose to hold her hand in public or kiss her. I also don't know how comfortable I will feel about being intimate with a female when the time comes. This leads onto another thing, she says she doesn't feel like a lesbian as when we make love, she still feels like a straight man, this is really difficult for me to understand. The last point (before I sound like I am moaning) is my son. He is 3 years old. He is struggling to call my partner by her female name when she is having a female day.This makes me feel bad for my partner but also for my son who sees her most of the time at the moment as male. I feel a bit stuck as to what to do about this. I do want to say though, that I have never met a person who I have had feelings for almost instantly, someone who makes me feel wanted and someone who truly loves me. We are the best of friends as well as partners and we are both as crazy as eachother! She brings out the child in me which is awesome!  Thank you for anyone who has taken the time to read this, any information would be appreciated!

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Princessme,

Welcome to Susan's family. You've certainly picked the right place for finding support.

Congratulations for the huge effort you're putting into such a unique relationship. You deserve a big hugg    for the attitude you have about all of this.

As to your concerns; yes, I'm inclined to think it's complex. having said that, keeping all channels of communication open is the very first step. Which you are doing so well so far. I know some things in any relationship are hard to talk about, no one escapes that one. Have you tried the approach of asking your partner whether you can talk about a particular subject now, or perhaps later? Seeking permission defuses the animosity that may be present and sets up a time when all parties are feeling better about themselves and the topic to be discussed. No surprises, so to speak.

If that doesn't work, as I eluded to earlier, it is complex. Perhaps a therapist may be a better option. At least you'll have a neutral contact in the process.

Thank you for being such a supportive partner. It's people like you that deserve the Nobel Peace prize.

Be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Shantel]

Hi Princess!
         I can't add much to what Catherine has just shared, she's spot on! I am married to a princess also and we have gone through counseling together, but the best times we've had are when we've had long sit down conversations about every aspect of what I'm going through and what I'm putting her through and what we can both do to soften the impact. I'm not new to this, been at it for a dozen years in earnest though I have taken it slowly and stopped at about 90% complete. We have become joined at the hip friends and lovers. Intimacy came to a screeching halt for several years until we sat down and worked our way through it via long conversations over coffee and breakfast. She was at the age when it was time for a little hormonal tuneup and she opted for bio-identicals and since her libido was flatlined a tiny amount of testosterone which turned her into a teenager in heat. I had been surgically neutered and since my secondary sexual characteristics are fully developed, I also opted for Bio-T pellet implants every six months so that we can enjoy sexual intimacy the old fashioned way, although we have other methods. She wouldn't ever admit to having lesbian proclivities, but because we love each other she has come to accept my female body in intimacy. Another winning aspect of all of this is the fact that there is the emotional connection on my part that wasn't formerly there as a total male. I'm sharing this personal stuff in hopes that it will be helpful to you both. Meanwhile, your child will learn early in life that not everything is always as it first seems, thankfully he's young enough to adjust as it's not always the case when they are older. Emphasize to your partner how important it is for both you and your child that he make every effort to bond with him because he's an important part of the equation in determining the long tern success of your relationship.

[princessme]

Thank you both for your replies. It really means a lot that I can receive useful help. Maybe my approach to asking questions has been slightly off, I get something in my head and have to ask immediately else it seems to build up and bother me. I could definitely try your suggestion Catherine thank you. My partner said to me once that she thought it would be difficult having a relationship with someone who already has a child, but she makes it look so easy . My son, is very accepting and offers the most sweetest compliments to my partner when she is dressed feminine. I am hoping once she is female all the time it will become easier for my little boy. He never asks questions though, he just accepts what he sees which is truly wonderful My ex partner has made statements which have been quite upsetting and bother me, things like 'not around my son' and 'he will get bullied at school'. My partner let this brush over but it bothers me that my ex is so narrow minded. Thank you both again