About a month ago, my fiancé broke up with me because she stopped loving me and started loving someone else, and I lost my job. I had given up transitioning for her, and I thought about it every day, but other than that I was great. I lhad a decent job, I loved her, (I thought) she loved me, we spent every day (except when she was at his house) together.
Now I sit at home all day (moved back in with parents), mostly just sitting around and doing nothing, which has given me a lot of time to think, which is driving me crazy. After the initial shock and day of depression, I was relieved to be able to finally start doing what I need to do. Had a session with my therapist, came out to him, and he's supportive, and I spent the money I got back from the ring on a bunch of new girl clothes. But now the boredom, loneliness, and depression is really starting to kick in. I don't feel like I'm still hung up over her, but I miss having someone to spend these down times with, I miss having someone to watch Netflix with and play games with. I miss having a job to go to, the only time I'd ever get out and meet new people. Ever since then I've spent nearly every day just sitting in my room, alone. All those feelings of uselessness and loneliness have just come flowing back. Even though I finally know what I want to do with my life, I once again feel like it's all hopeless. I worry about my family abandoning me, or at the very least not being supportive, how I'm going to be able to afford transition (especially if they cut me from their health insurance), how it's going to affect my family (we have a lot of problems as it is), I'm worried about the toll its going to put on my parents losing their only son. Every day I spend sitting around my room, with nothing but my phone, my half-broken Xbox, and my thoughts to occupy my time, and all this pressure is driving me crazy. Oh, I also quit smoking 2 days ago, cold turkey, and I have had stomach ulcers for the last year or so. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for with all this, I guess I just needed to vent, and I know you guys will listen. Any input is greatly appreciated
