Got publicly outted today

[Teela Renee]

So, got to work today, and everyone that wasnt managment level knew my secret. One of my co workers I thought was a friend, totally informed all my co workers, and everyone in town(population 56)  that im transgendered and transitioning.   Management said they are going to handle, it but the damage is done, im so scared. 

[Kevin Peña]

Ok, I would first say that this "friend" is a rapscallion (sorry, I don't swear). I couldn't speak for other people, so I wouldn't know how they'd react. However, you should have the courage to go outside and find out. If you hide, then you make it look like you're doing something wrong, and any ignorant folks would feed off of that. Be confident and try to keep your head up. It sounds like your management will keep you on at work, so I don't think there's a problem there.

PS--> Population 56? I've never heard of a town so small...

[MayoiNeko]

*Hug* sorry to hear that.

Hopefully everyone reacts more positively than you think.. at least then you won't ever have to worry about telling them


Good luck :3

[Teela Renee]

Ok, I would first say that this "friend" is a rapscallion (sorry, I don't swear). I couldn't speak for other people, so I wouldn't know how they'd react. However, you should have the courage to go outside and find out. If you hide, then you make it look like you're doing something wrong, and any ignorant folks would feed off of that. Be confident and try to keep your head up. It sounds like your management will keep you on at work, so I don't think there's a problem there.

PS--> Population 56? I've never heard of a town so small...

its in the UP of michigan.    I went for a walk alil while ago. But going to work tomarow, to see how this gets handled terrifies me. i've only lived here since Feb. and these two women who outted me, Are probably going to lose their jobs over this, and they are friends with almost everyone in this town and the next two over. Im so fighting the urge to pack up and skip town.

[Kevin Peña]

its in the UP of michigan.    I went for a walk alil while ago. But going to work tomarow, to see how this gets handled terrifies me. i've only lived here since Feb. and these two women who outted me, Are probably going to lose their jobs over this, and they are friends with almost everyone in this town and the next two over. Im so fighting the urge to pack up and skip town.

Ok, I think the opinions of these people in the minds of the townspeople would change after this rather mean act. I come from a small town in Ecuador, and at least there, the people in small towns accept you as long as you're a good person. Maybe it's the same in Michigan?

Also, remember that you didn't commit murder or grand arson. You had a secret divulged against your wishes. Don't do anything hasty unless your living situation gets hostile.

[Teela Renee]

only thing I did was report it to department manager who is meeting with HR in the morning,

[Silent Killer]

in ur place i'd give that supposed friend a LARGE SLAP on the face!

[Teela Renee]

Update

just got a phone call from the manager, and the assistant manager of my department and they said they are addressing the issue tomorrow with the companies G.M and HR, as well as bringing it to Tribal council. (native casino and resort)    So far they seem to be defending me and got my back, but I guess we'll see how this plays out. 

[MadelineB]

Update

just got a phone call from the manager, and the assistant manager of my department and they said they are addressing the issue tomorrow with the companies G.M and HR, as well as bringing it to Tribal council. (native casino and resort)    So far they seem to be defending me and got my back, but I guess we'll see how this plays out.

Teela Renee,
I'm sorry that happened in a way that you didn't feel in control of the situation. I had a LOT of fears until I knew that management was on my side.
I had been on HRT for just two months when the opportunity presented itself for me to come out at work. Management was supportive, and the next day I started presenting full time as female and haven't looked back. Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I hope your employer turns out to be as supportive of you as it sounds like they might be. You have to transition somewhere, so if you are ready and they are supportive you might talk with them about a transition plan and take back control of your destiny. Getting outed by people you thought were friends is definitely lemons, but being yourself to the world 24/7 is some great lemonade.
Good luck!
Hugs,
Madeline

[Teela Renee]

Teela Renee,
I'm sorry that happened in a way that you didn't feel in control of the situation. I had a LOT of fears until I knew that management was on my side.
I had been on HRT for just two months when the opportunity presented itself for me to come out at work. Management was supportive, and the next day I started presenting full time as female and haven't looked back. Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I hope your employer turns out to be as supportive of you as it sounds like they might be. You have to transition somewhere, so if you are ready and they are supportive you might talk with them about a transition plan and take back control of your destiny. Getting outed by people you thought were friends is definitely lemons, but being yourself to the world 24/7 is some great lemonade.
Good luck!
Hugs,
Madeline

thanks, ive seriously considered it. im 98.7% done with facial hair removal. and im just going on 3 months of hrt.  I plan on going full time as soon as my name change is done being processed. since at this point, their is no point in going stealth, me and my employer have been talking about my transition plan since long before day 1 of hrt.   so who knows maybe tomarow will kick it all into high gear. never thought to look at it like you suggested. Thanks.

[Cindy]

Hi Teela Renee,

Don't panic.

It doesn't really matter. As Maddie said use it to your advantage. You were going to come out anyway. You look great in your avatar. Hold the head high the boobs sticking out and walk the walk with a smile on your face.

As a suggestion and it is only that, tell HR that you would like to talk to the people who outed you. Tell them you are disappointed and upset but will forgive them.

After all if you tell two people a secret it isn't a secret anymore unless you kill one of them.

That way you call in all the kudos. They look small and you have a win win win situation.

Hugs

Cindy

[justmeinoz]

Cindy has covered it pretty well.  If the people concerned realise that they owe you big time for keeping their jobs,  they can't very well have another go without looking like total idiots. 
How do the local First Nations townspeople view Two-Spirit people? 

Karen.

[Teela Renee]

Cindy has covered it pretty well.  If the people concerned realise that they owe you big time for keeping their jobs,  they can't very well have another go without looking like total idiots. 
How do the local First Nations townspeople view Two-Spirit people? 

Karen.

I have no clue, I live 45 mins from the reservation and commute. I barely have any native in me.  I guess ill find out, im on my way into work just after posting this to find out how this all goes down.  I only told one of the two who outted me, the one who circulated pictures of me, with captions below them was someone I thought was my friend, and the other who helped her was a co worker from another department.        But anyhow, im off to work, ill let you all know how it goes down when I get back this afternoon.

[suzifrommd]

I only told one of the two who outted me, the one who circulated pictures of me, with captions below them was someone I thought was my friend, and the other who helped her was a co worker from another department.       

This is evil. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Since there was written material distributed about you, this might actually rise to the legal definition of harassment.

[Teela Renee]

This is evil. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Since there was written material distributed about you, this might actually rise to the legal definition of harassment.

work classified it as sexual harrasment with the intent to cause criminal mischief, they the two who outted me, got put on disaplinary leave until the tribal counsil votes on tuesday with what they want to do with them, cause out on the reservation, doing what they did can get you jail time.  I just found that out today, and they after punishing them, I guess are planning on trying to make this up to me.  whatever that means

[Kevin Peña]

If you get to decide anything, try to forgive and forget. Get back on the right foot and show them how good of a person you are.

[Noah]

Wow. I am so sorry. This is nefarious indeed. However, not so surprising. People are complex and deceptive, and they may show a friendly face as a tool in their caniving arsenal of dishonesty and misery. Haha, thats a touch dramatic, but you know, people have their own sick way about them. I am So pleased to see that your company is handling this so well. I always suggest forgiveness, but that does't mean they shouldn't be held responsible for this as far as the law can take it. This is unacceptable, and they evidently feel entitled to their choices, I would love to see them experience true consequence. At the end of the day, any remaining negativity for them remains just that - negativity, and it will only suffocate you, so do let it go when the time comes. x

[Teela Renee]

I dont get to pick if they keep their jobs or not. its not up to me. I know how tough the economy is right now, and the damage they did cant be undone. I told my boss, if it means anything I dont want them fired, but I want them to really regret what they did.  He said if they dont get fired, that he plans on only giving them 15-20 hours a week instead of full time.   They asked me to make up a list of things that could possiably help ease the pain caused by them, that the tribe could help with.  I didnt want to ask for two much so my list was as fallows.

1. mandatory retraining for all employees on the sexual harrasment rules/laws.
2. have the tribal judge approve my name change so I dont gotta deal with the state of michigan.
3. get a random sum of money to buy a new wardrobe since I got outted and might as well run with it.

[Kevin Peña]

2. have the tribal judge approve my name change so I dont gotta deal with the state of michigan.

You can do that? Does anyone have any clue how to bypass the state of NY?

[Teela Renee]

Tribal judge is still a judge with all the powers of any other court room judge. only difference is its sovereign land. He can still give the court order for the name change.  So I figured, its worth a shot, saves time and money. Im already finger printed, and when I got the job their, they did a very extensive background check and credit check. So all the requirments the state of michigan requires for a name change order has been met.  So the only thing that hasnt been done is the 160 dollar application fee.  If the judge does this for me, id be more then willing to over look my co workers ruining life outside of work completely. id ask for those two to have a full pardon if the tribe did me this favor.

but as far as NY goes, no clue, I guess its one of the perks of working on a native american reservation, and being part native yourself. I belong to a diffrent chippawa tribe then the one I work at. But they still help out and look after their own regardless of which plot of land your from.

im not getting my hopes up tho. but I figured it was worth a shot, worst that can happen is they deny any of my requests and force their own idea on me.