My First Purse

[MadelineB]

We need a Pursodynamics thread!

OK, that is just too appealing to the mad scientist in me. I promise I'll create a pursodynamics thread on my blog, but first I have to attack our apartment. It looks like the inside of some of those purses that Joan of Arc described:

As a former member of Sea World security I have been through my fair share of other women's purses and seen some truely horrifying things. 

For the love of all that is holy, please remember to clean it out from time to time!

Amen.

I suppose it was negligent of me to not post an image.  So I went for a little walkie this morning after seeing the replies, rockin' my suburban mom (Of two sassy wittle kitties) look to model the purse.



I shoulda put lipstick on before going out.

That purse is perfect for you. You don't even need lipstick.

It's a small one but I can fit my camera, phone, wallet (indeed, I won't be giving that up.  It's an androgynous paper craft thing so I think that'll be okay going forward) and keys with room for some other stuff in there.  I'm going to miss it come Monday I'm sure.  But it won't be too much longer before I'm out again.  As I hinted earlier, the psychological dissonance of woman on the inside and male on the outside is getting to be too much for me to stand.

I was using a messenger bag while I was in school.  Worked great when I needed to haul my textbooks around, but I wanted something smaller for day to day use.

Looking back, I had a backpack satchel kabang messenger bag or briefcase every day of my life since I was 13 and could buy my own. How aware I was that it was my purse vs whatever "manouflage" it came in, depended on how buried my gender identity was at the time. I was always the kid that volunteered to carry my mother's purse, and later my wife's - with pride and a feeling of longing.

By the way, my very last "man-purse" was my beautiful purple backpack that I bought at the same time that I started wearing only women's clothing, even though it would be another five months before I came out and went full time. The backpack has patches on the strap and a big one on the back that say "trans". It made me smile every time I looked at it in public.

[Misato]

Lookin good! (you and your purse)

That purse is perfect for you. You don't even need lipstick.

Thanks!

[JenAtLast]

I understand completely why it felt like such a big deal.

While my first purse really didn't feel like a big thing (I threw it away some 20 years ago on one of numerous purges back then), a similar item did affect me emotionally.

I had a very similar emotional reaction to my first femal wallet, which I bought earlier this year.  As I was putting all my cards in it, it occurred to me that the items that I carry on me that identify me and are uniquely mine were now in a female carrier.  I remember staring at my drivers license in my new wallet and got choked up and cried a few happy tears.  Just seeing it in there felt like a major stepping stone in the road to confirming who I am becoming.  It was really odd...nothing else, not the dresses, skirts, shoes, lingere, makeup, jewlery, etc. ever made me feel as feminine as seeing my ID in my womans-style wallet.  Funny how things happen on this journey. 

[Misato]

I get what you're saying gats2b.  I realized tonight that the purse will fit in my afforementioned messenger bag.  Since I was already using the messenger bag to haul my lunch to work on occasion,  I have a way to keep my purse with me and my cards that id me in their more suitable carrier (though still in a wallet too).  Don't know if I'll cry but I am happy!