"Yes, you did." I knew in the back of my mind that I wanted to come out about my trans-feelings eventually, but not to my therapist or even today! Of course I began to sob in the first few minutes when she asked "How could you be honest about who you really are to others and to yourself?", that's when I spilled it. Luckily, her response was positive and she was very understanding, even though she did not see that one coming. She said that a lot of my issues are now put in a different lighting for her and that she knew that there was something I wasn't telling. Surprise.
I'm glad that I made a start now, but I'm also scared for the consequences. It feels like I've opened Pandora's box. It's still very unreal, as if I haven't told her. I even made some stupid jokes during the session, my favorite coping mechanism. I've been dealing with these feelings for so long, that it feels like such a relief now that I've said it out loud. Also, what have I done!
For my next appointment we've set two goals, besides the other goals (she's making me work!), which are to get on two waiting lists for an intake with a 'Genderteam'. (In the Netherlands there are two main hospitals that have departments with staff specialized in gender related issues.) Until then, I'll try to let it sink in and do as much of the activities I'd normally do, because right now normal feels good.