Family woes and Bathroom fears.

[LilRingo]

I came out recently, like two weeks ago. Everybody has been awesome about it except for my Mom, Step-dad and Dad. My dad has been dealing with alcoholism and is doing AA right now. He was 6 days sober when i told him. He took it badly, and I can understand why. He called me a freak and stuff, but recently he calmed down and apologized, which was great. He and I have been texting a lot. The only issue now is he really doesn't want me to get top surgery, which I know I will definitely be getting in the coming years. He is fine with hormones and everything, but i guess breasts are sacred to him somehow. He also wants me to have kids, but I have no desire to have my own, and I would have lots of trouble getting pregnant due to some menstrual issues that have been present since puberty. Adoption has always been the best option for me.

And that brings me to my Mom and step-dad. They can't stop complaining about how I'm doing all of this. At first they complained about the timing being wrong, which i couldn't really control. And then they complain about me going to fast. That was because I got my hair cut before I went to go see a psychiatrist. They complain about me not knowing what I'm doing because I didn't know that I had to go to a doctor to get a refferal to a gender therapist for my insurance to work. I'm 18, how the hell would I know that? They complain because I'm gay and that somehow invalidates my identity as a man. This is all making me very frustrated and stressed out and add that to the fact that I've just started my first semester of college, and it's almost driving me insane. I understand that it will take time for them to come around, but I am not the most patient man at the moment.

Now that my rant is out of the way, I'm having confidence issues with going to the men's bathroom. There is only one gender-neutral bathroom on campus that I know of, and it is all the way across the campus from where my classes are. On Monday and Wednesday, I have a class at 9:20 and a class at 2:05, so I can make it to the gender-neutral bathroom and have plenty of time to spare for lunch. But on Tuesday and Thursday, I have class from 9:20 to 12:20, and I only have a 10 minute  break in between classes, which isn't enough for me to make it to the Gender-neutral bathroom and back to my class on time. So I find myself "holding it" from when I leave at 8:20am to when I get home at 1:30. It is very uncomfortable and I have had a few close calls. I just ordered my first stp/packer and it wont be here for a while. I'm too nervous to go in to the guys room, because I will have to use the stall and what not. Any help on that front?

[Dominick_81]

Hey LilRingo,
     Sorry to hear your Mom, Step-dad and Dad are not excepting and giving you a hard time, I know the feeling. But that's good that your dad is okay with you being on hormones.

About the bathroom issue... don't worry about going into the stall, lots of guys use the stall. I was recently forced to use the mens room when I was working at a temp job in a public place and a lot of the guys used the stall. I was scared at first, but the more you do it, the less scarier it becomes.

[Mr.Rainey]

I'd suggest just going in and washing your hands to desensitize yourself.

[mm]

Sorry about your problems with your parents.

On the restroom issue at school.  I am in college from 8 in the morning until after 10 in the evening 2 days a week.  I started school as a girl on the records and dressed in between then.  I have since started dressing as many of the guys do.  So I am not sleath at all, all the students I started with know my history, but many of the newer don't know and seems to see me as guy completely.  This leave to me with a real problem on which restroom.  Most girls would have a problem with me in their restroom.  There are only two unisex restroom on campus that I know, none where I am most of the time.  What I do is use the men's in a building where I don't have any classes and then when most students are in class.  This way I have very little chance of seeing anyone I know.  I use a stall, which is done by many of the guys.  Guys are in and out so quickly and say very little or look around at other in there.  I even change my tampon in there a couple of times a month; I am very careful with eveything and rap up the old one very good and put it depth in the trash.  I say use the men's and have confidence; I have had no problem at all in using them.

[sneakersjay]

Your family's reaction is fairly typical.  They will (usually) come around in time (read: years).  In the meantime just be yourself and don't let their doubts creep in.  This is YOUR life and you need to do what is right for you.  How far you decide to go (hormones, surgery, etc) is YOUR decision alone.  Not mine, not theirs, not any other random trans people on the internet.  There is only one right way for YOU and that is your decision alone to make.  Don't let anyone pressure you into NOT doing something you need to do; nor let anyone pressure you into DOING something that is not quite right for you just because they did it or most people do it, etc.

Jay

Edited to add: if you are passing and are comfortable in the men's room, use it.  I always sit unless I use the urinal.  Read: sit more than stand.  Nobody cares.  Everybody poops, anyway.

[GentlemanRDP]

I'm really sorry to hear about everything that you've been going through, that's rough, and my heart really goes out to you. When I came out, things went very smoothly, and I was extremely blessed for that reason, so I can't imagine what might have been said to you when you came out or how it's all made you feel, but I can tell you this...

Keep your head up, and stay confident in the way that you feel about yourself. You obviously know what you want out of life, and what you want out of your transition. They're clearly uncomfortable with it, but that doesn't mean that they'll never come around, it might just take a very long time (When I came out, my father bought me girly things for Christmas, the next year, he bought me boxers...out of the man's department, and Old Spice, I've never been so happy, and I was sure that he was starting to understand how important my own transition was to me)

But anyway, the point is, just make sure that they're able to see how happy these changes are making you. It'll reassure them that you really are making the decision and they might be able to get over the 'Oh no, I'm loosing my little girl,' if they see how happy it makes you to become a man.

As for the bathroom situation, I don't have a lot of experience with this. I avoid male bathrooms when I'm not at work, because I know that I don't pass...other than with my co-workers. If you know that you pass, then don't be afraid to walk in there with your head held high...just don't talk or make eye-contact, from what I hear...Men don't socialize like women (Strangers, might I add) do in the bathroom o.O;;

Best of Luck! <3

[0_0]

As for the men's restroom, nothing wrong with using the stalls.

[LilRingo]

Alright, I manned up and did it. I was too nervous to pee, but whatever. Lol. That worry is over now.

[mm]

LilRingo, you will have more confidence next time and will be able to relax and pee.  Hopefully you get to the point that it is second nature to use the men's ever time.

[Rita]

On the other side of the spectrum we deal with similar what I like to call Bathroom Dysphoria.  In my years(since birth) of using the mens restroom not a single guy has looked twice at someone peeing in a stall.  In fact many do for fears of other men seeing their package so you can definitely play off that angle.

Only problem I see is many biological men lack the capacity to lift the darn toilet seat.  So be prepared to contest the grimiest, nastiest toilet seats to ever exist.

My reason for not going into the womans room is, I am worried about getting arrested for not having proper ID xD

[aleon515]

Only problem I see is many biological men lack the capacity to lift the darn toilet seat.  So be prepared to contest the grimiest, nastiest toilet seats to ever exist.

My reason for not going into the womans room is, I am worried about getting arrested for not having proper ID xD

Too funny! (One of the advantages to being trans-- ability to lift a toilet seat?)

--Jay Jay