Alright, brief introduction. Im a 27 male, living in US. Ive been different my whole life. So far, Im sure this sounds common. I have been a closet crossdresser since, well, as long as I can remember (which is as far back as 5). My parents caught me when I was young, and well, lets just say that I have hidden it well ever since. I also think that is when it became a bit of a sexual thing for me. It still has that original, just feels right childishness to it when I do, but it is so terribly embarrassing for me to enjoy that I havent told a soul. I have only done it once in public (in my early 20's) and only 2 people saw, I passed as a woman to both (until I had to provide proof of id, still embarrassing to this day even though they didnt seem to care despite being a bit shocked). The other was an older man whose face glowed as he told me I had a beautiful smile and that I had brigthened his evening. The weird thing, Im totally straight, and when gays have told me Im attractive, it kinda weirds me out (no offense to any of you gays around here, I know its an old southern bias Im sure, my fault not yours), but that was the most complimented Ive ever felt in my life. I think maybe it was a mistake doing that, because that guys acknowldgement of my beauty has really brought up something confusing in me. I love my life as a man. I love my wife. I am very attracted to her. Although I dont have much of a sex drive, what little I do have is for her. However, I WANT to be a woman. I want to be beautiful. I dont hate how I look, but I would really love to be a woman. This is in part a sexual desire, and to be honest a non sexual one as well... So, any help, what am I? Am I a transsexual that doesnt know herself, some guy who just wants to get his kicks dressing as a girl? How do I even go about finding this all out?
