Crazy staff person at day care

[Edge]

Hey, other parents who have kids, is it reasonable to expect a three year old (just turned three in August) to be able to dress himself without help? Because one of the staff at the day care asked me if I helped my son get dressed in the morning and then told me I should stop because he can't dress himself. Of course he can't dress himself! He just turned three. He has trouble with fastenings, getting his arms in the right holes, putting on socks, that sort of thing. And that's perfectly normal!
They also complained that he didn't listen. He wouldn't put his coat on. He wouldn't put on his shoes. He wouldn't pick up his garbage and throw it in the trash. Their automatic assumption? Blame me. It must be because I'm not teaching him these things at home. Of course, it couldn't possibly be because he's pushing to see what they will let him get away with. That's totally what he's doing. How do I know? I spend time with him, I play with him, I talk to him, I supervise while he plays by himself, I supervise while he plays with others. I am well aware that he likes to push boundaries. This is also normal. Even if it wasn't, it's normal for him.
Ugh stupid people. Believe it or not, toddlers are people too.

[suzifrommd]

I'm not surprised but as a teacher, I'd say this is somewhat unprofessional. I would NEVER tell the parent of one of my students they should be raising their kid differently. (Unless my advice was asked, that's a totally different situation).

All kids learn to do things at different rates. The important thing is that he's given the opportunity to try. Not too many forty year old men who can't get the buttons in the right holes, so I think the daycare worker's fears are misplaced. He'll get these skills eventually.

[blue.ocean.girl]

Yeah, that doesn't sound reasonable at all. Sounds like my son. He likes to see what he can get away with. And then on top of that, he likes to try on various excuses for his actions and see how far he can get with you (he's very observant and I consistently watch him manipulate other adults--who assume he's just like other kids--into getting what he wants... this makes me laugh). But anyone that works in chldcare should realize that children push boundaries, its one of the ways they learn.

My son is way ahead of other kids in his pre-K intellectually, the teachers are always telling me they're surprised he hasn't had any schooling b4 now (he just turned 4 and just started pre-K), but his motor skills are at the same level as any other kid I see. He just started buttoning his own clothes and completely dressing himself a few months ago (and even now he might need help once in a while). Most of his third year we helped him dress. So that reaction by the daycare staff seems absurd to me. Where I live there are a ton of under-qualified staff in daycares and preschools. You don't even need a High School diploma or GED to be eligible to start on an Early Childhood Education certificate or degree (which I think is sad-- apparently its ok for the people influencing our children from the earliest stages to not even graduated high school or at least passed the GED), so my wife and I are very careful where we send them. Its not surprising when you run into morons in the business.   

[Edge]

Thanks for the support.
That's pretty cool, blue.ocean,girl. My son is behind on talking and potty training, but has been ahead for motor skills for awhile (except for dressing himself apparently). He's too interested in doing headstands.
Yeah the fact that this person is watching my son makes me nervous.

[Jamie D]

"Educational consultant Kathy Walker makes the following recommendations on what ages children should be dressing themselves:

Children are able to start dressing themselves from about 2 and a half to 3 years of age. It may be as simple as pulling on a sock or jacket. Giving them practise is useful without it having to become a regimented ordeal for the child. By 4 or 5 years of age, children can be expected to be able to dress themselves but may still require help with buttons and zips etc. Children are not expected to tie shoelaces until about 6 or 7 years of age."

I have four kids, including boy-girl twins in the middle.  Each progressed at their own rate, including the twins.

[Jeatyn]

I get the same sort of crap from my older sister when she babysits my daughter. She has been a highly acclaimed foster carer for 15 years so you'd think she'd have some more sense when it comes to raising children.

I've given her very clear guidelines on how to handle certain situations, even written them down! She lets her do pretty much whatever she wants, so of course she's going to push the boundaries, you can't expect a toddler to be perfectly well behaved if you don't ever tell them "no" 

Her favourite one is always "she refuses to go to bed!" ...I have never ever had sleep problems with her, I put her in her crib after a story and leave the room. Occasionally she will stay up for an hour or so playing with her toys but she will go to sleep eventually. My sister will leave her in her crib for ten minutes, see she isn't asleep yet, then take her out of the crib and let her run around and play until she falls asleep on the floor or the couch - then has a good moan to me about how I need to teach my daughter how to go to bed. I honestly don't know what she expects, for her to turn around and say "excuse me but I'm quite tired, could you put me in my bed please?" XD

[blue.ocean.girl]

My son is behind on talking and potty training, but has been ahead for motor skills for awhile (except for dressing himself apparently). He's too interested in doing headstands.

Wow. That's awesome. Yeah, my son is just about as coordinated as me--probably couldn't do a handstand to save his life! lol.

Hope you can work things out with staff. Nothing worse than being nervous with who your leaving your kids with. Been there. And changing is a pain too, because searching takes time, which most of us don't have much of.

I honestly don't know what she expects, for her to turn around and say "excuse me but I'm quite tired, could you put me in my bed please?" XD

This made me laugh. It sounds like my older sister as well. Only my sister is one of those people that has never had kids, but thinks she'd be an amazing mother, and in turn, thinks she's an expert. lol The "she wouldn't go to sleep" thing sounds all to familiar.   

[Felix]

My kid's twelve and she can't always dress herself. I hardly spoke a word until I was a teenager. Neither of those situations came about through the negligence of adults - sometimes kids develop on their own timeframes.

And my gosh, it sounds like they're setting the bar pretty high for a three year old.

[Edge]

Well, I tried reasoning with the day care person today, but it was like banging my head against a brick wall. I am even more uncomfortable with my son being there now. Actually, I don't think she should be around children at all.