This Just Sucks

[jsorter]

I got my ears pierced this last weekend "because I lost a bet." I wanted them pierced and I used the excuse that I lost a bet to get them done. I used this to gauge how my mom would react to one day meet the real me. When she confronted me about them She asked if I wanted a bra and panties. I told her yes I do in a serious voice. What does she do? Laugh and reply boys aren't suppose to have holes in their ears. Two little holes didn't go over very well. I can only imagine how she will react when I tell her about the real me. 

[Shantel]

She'll overreact, have a fit, make you feel miserable, but in the end she will accept and continue to love you because mom's rarely if ever throw out the baby with the bath water!

[jsorter]

Thanks for trying to boost me back up. Unfortunately she is pretty close minded when it comes to anything transition related. Even gay/ lesbian things.

[Shantel]

I'm an aging parent myself, am pretty conservative on most issues, liberal on LBGTI stuff. I have also been rather tough on my kids in the past as they were growing up, "my way or the highway", sort of a type-A chloric personality. I finally came to the point that I had to concede that my kids had their own personalities and their own lives to live, and as a parent all I could do is give them my values system and sense of morality but in the end it was all up to them. All parents have to come to that crossroad eventually, one way that happens is when their child brings the bottom up and it hits them in the face and they have to deal with reality. It's not their life, you're an adult now and they have to realize that and let go!

[jsorter]

Can you tell her for me! you seem to know what to say as I usually dont until its to late. That reminds me of how we ended the conversation. I told her its my life and I make my decisions now, not her. Ive thought about telling her in a letter but I know if I do we will play cat and mouse on the phone.

[Elsa]

Hey hon,

am sorry about your moms reaction. guess I've been there as well - although she could have started yelling and screaming as well and calling you all sorts of things -

Its seem she really loves you but like all moms she's going to have a tough time dealing with things.

my mom had a similar reaction initially - but when she realized I was serious thats when she got freaked out. she gets freaked out when I try to wax/shave/epilate...
and its a good thing I've not told her about the laser am doing 

on the plus side you could always tell her "ya well I'm a girl so maybe am supposed to have them"

[Shantel]

Can you tell her for me! you seem to know what to say as I usually dont until its to late. That reminds me of how we ended the conversation. I told her its my life and I make my decisions now, not her. Ive thought about telling her in a letter but I know if I do we will play cat and mouse on the phone.

Ok Jenna, why not do as I did, just don't say anything and get started incrementally piece by piece, bit by bit until she begins to notice some changes in you and brings up the subject herself. She'll still over-react, but by then she'll have to concede that it's too late and there's nothing she can do about it other than mellow out and go with the flow! You know total transition isn't going to happen overnight anyway.

[MaidofOrleans]

Thanks for trying to boost me back up. Unfortunately she is pretty close minded when it comes to anything transition related. Even gay/ lesbian things.

These things are easy to hate or be close minded about when they are "someone else," but when its a loved one, it usually changes things. Its ceases to be "them" or "those people" and becomes something entirely different.

This is a great video on the subject and the guy makes a great point. It's not trans but its the same basic idea.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Obviously your Mom is not very observant.  A lot of boy have not only pierced years, but many have large gauge holes.

[jsorter]

Shantel, I've thought about telling her piece by piece but I don't know what pieces to place where. Or even what the pieces are. Can you elaborate on your pieces or things you did?

[Shantel]

Shantel, I've thought about telling her piece by piece but I don't know what pieces to place where. Or even what the pieces are. Can you elaborate on your pieces or things you did?

Yes, however you may have misunderstood what I was suggesting that you do. Just go ahead and start your transition, you don't need your parent's approval, after all it's your life! Once you begin to show some changes in dress and physical appearance, your mother will notice and she will be the one to initiate the conversation instead of you. You might want to send me a PM and fill me in on your age, current living arrangements (At Mom's or what?) Where you are in your transition if in fact you've even started and anything that will help me understand where you are in your life. Otherwise I'm not going to be much help with advice.