New to all of this

[Tidal_Wave]

Where do i begin? Ive had feelings of wanting to be a woman since i was about 6 years old. its never dissipated or dissolved, its just a constant force inside my brain. Ive also been diagnosed with sever OCD which has caused me to have an episode of major depression, bringing me to the point of suicide, but ive never actually attempted it. I got a shock when one of my friends commited suicide back in january of 2012, her drink was spiked at a club and she jumped off of a couple hundred metre high cliff as a result. This experience shook me and made me cling to life and get the most out of it. Im clear of the depression now thanks to antidepressants. Im also on an anti psychotic which is being used to treat my ocd, and in part hearing my dead friend talk to me and touch me on my back and shoulder at times. My symptoms of ocd range from little ticks, like a twitch of the eyes, touching certain objects an odd number of times, to violent thoughts and images pushing their way into my head with me haveing absolutely no control over them. My doctors and i are now trying to find out if i have gender identity disorder or if this is an obsession due to my ocd. I believe its the real thing and want to start hrt as soon as possible but my doctors are still undecided on the matter. What are others experience with the matter? and are people out there who are as messed up as i am?

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Tidal_Wave,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8192 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

I had a therapist try to say I had OCD, because I wanted to be a woman.  My real therapist knew different.


Janet 

[Noah]

I don't have a lot of faith in what I believe to be the over-medicalization of Human behavior. That being said, I am not a doctor and by no means wish to dismiss the reality of mental disorder.

Only you can answer whether you are trans or not. I imagine it would be frustrating having mental complications while trying to make this huge decision. Keep in mind that it is very common for the cis world to indicate us as mentally unstable and associate our desire to transition with other complex mental insufficiencies. I was in a trans group at my local LGBT center once and another woman was discussing this very matter. She has a mental illness and has struggled with it her entire life. Because of it her HRT and transition in general were highly scrutinized by the medical and social world, people often assuming she is doing this because she is 'nuts'. She accounted that it was ridiculous and that nothing has helped her depression and mental state more than transitioning. I take this as incredibly valuable experiential knowledge about the reality and existence of trans people.

Take your time and trust your heart.

[Tidal_Wave]

Thanks you two. The gender issues aren't even the worst thing floating around in my head. IVe got violent thoughts all the time stuck in there, ive only recently stopped having these hallucinations. Im going strong on the suicide front at least, after my friend passed away, seeing all the havoc and chaos it caused, ill never do anything like that to my family and friends. Im heavily into fitness and sport and that'll always be a part of me, no matter what gender i am. My parents, doctors and friends all view this as a personality change, there is no reason i cant keep living the same life with the same interests and activities, just while feeling comfortable in my own skin. the worst thing im afraid of is how my siblings would take it, because lets face it, they're not the most accepting of people