Why does my male side keep fighting with my female side?

[Shawn Sunshine]

I think I know the answer to this, my mom, every time I talk to her now wants to keep convincing me that I am male, and that I should not try to change into something I am not, and that what it says on my birth certificate is what it is.

You see I am part of the intersexed group (mild AIS) as well as being transgender in my mind and my body. So what do I do with this>? I spend most of the day accepting myself and wanting to make the journey to live full time as female, but the male side of me (usually early in the mornings keeps coming back)

I know I want to have a females body with the use of hormones and surgery later and even voice surgery, and yet I will still always think in my head somewhere between male and female.

Some days I want nothing but to do everything feminine and feel very feminine and want to act and talk and walk just like a typical cisgender female. Other days I am slightly on the mens side of things reverting back to some of the typical guy speech and movements and activities that are usually associated with being male.

I feel like such a conundrum...so what do I do, how do I make peace with myself?

[suzifrommd]

I feel like such a conundrum...so what do I do, how do I make peace with myself?

Shawn, it is perfectly fine to be non-binary or mix-gendered and still want to change the way you present to the world.

I consider myself non-binary, there are still a lot of male elements to my identity even though I think at the core I am female. I would like to change my presentation from male to female because that's what feels natural to me.

People with non-binary or mixed genders are not second-class citizens who have to watch on the sidelines while everyone else transitions to the presentation that is most natural for them. We, too, get to choose how we present to the world and to ourselves.

[Shawn Sunshine]

thanks for that, it does help me feel better about being mixed gender and wanting to present as female and transform

[JoanneB]

I have that battle constantly raging inside my head. In a way it is good because it does cause you to examine your motives and feelings more throughly. A decison to transition is not to be taken lightly. A TG group or therapist may help.

There is no rule that says you must transition to full-time. I do part-time and it kind of sort of is working. There is an entire spectrum of options.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Our one and only rejennyrated has popped in and would like to pass one these words of advise and observation.

She is also AIS - and that sort of duality of mind isnt really that uncommon - it doesnt really have any relevance though to how one wants to present physically - to get past the duality - one has to understand that physical sex and gender ARE NOT AND NEVER WERE the same thing

For example she is female physically through and through - it doesnt mean however that she has to be feminine. 

Or to take another example she has a friend - who was born physically female - and has no desire to have any physical alterations - is more masculine in her persona than most of the FtM's on the site

And I have to agree.  Being female is not just about the genitalia, it is about the gender mind set.  You can still be physically male and still be a woman.  or indeed visa versa

[Keaira]

I think the most important thing at the end of the day is to be happy with yourself. No one else has to live with you 24/7 and no one else can know exactly how you feel without the same experiences affecting their lives. If both or neither makes you happy then go for it. When you go to bed you should feel at peace and wake up the next day with a smile and want to get out of bed. 

[Shawn Sunshine]

well another thing that happens is that i will dream as the male me (with brown hair and all) and yet during the day i can feel usually like the female me. I still know I would be happier with a females body and wearing more effiminate clothing. I still have tshirt days though where I don't want to dress up at all.

However I have had many dreams as being female, usually as a different looking female.

[Teela Renee]

just alil random fun facts, but a males T levels are higher in the morning vs in the evening by quiet abit. I learned that from my endo. and from my pre med teacher. so that might atest to why you feel more male earlier in the day.  dont quote me on this tho, just what I heard.

[justmeinoz]

I have a couple of dear friends who are IS and they just go with whatever they feel like.
It is a medical condition (haven't asked which ones because that would be rude) so there is no  need to apologise to anyone.  They just live as them, and we all love them for it.

Karen.

[Nina Podolskaya]

that's what happened to me,i was simply kicked out tho,but i believe that they will change their mind someday...

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im intersexed , never had a problem with that , at age 10 i knew what i was , though of cause in our day there were no words that i could use to explain even if i could have, & what if i had , id been carted of to the nuthouse,  no thanks.

I accepted with out a dought what i was, & that was it,

i live am accepted fully in to socity & well known a member of many groups of a 1000. members . women only as well.

The thing is you belive in your self you accept who you are & you live a life thats worth liveing .
Others will accept you, dont be what your not i can tell you it does & will not work.  my friends & peers would soon have sussed me out long ago.  be true to who you are,

I never tryed to be feminine,nore will.  it does not work for me, my facial features see to that. & do people care what you look like when all said & done  well iv proved with out any doughts it  makes no difference. im just another woman whos a bit different .
maybe my age helps at 65,
...noeleena...