Hi there!
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. Like some of you this is my
one and only way of expressing what I've never told anyone, I'm 26 and I've
never said it out loud. I'm glad I can empathize with some of you though
Ever since I was real young I have had questions about my gender, and I've
always been interested in it.
The problem I seem to have sometimes is that I feel like a straight woman
in a straight man's body. It's never been a huge life changing problem (I
think), but now I have a girlfriend that I love, and I feel it could
interfere with our relationship. Any help would be appreciated!
Basically, I don't know if I really have a gender issue, or I'm just a
pervert...
I've thought about being a girl ever since I was young, secretly trying on
girls clothes and trying to act like a girl, whatever that is. Once, when
I was really young, about 8, I even glued my...ahem....behind me so I could
look like a girl. I couldn't tell my mum why when she was peeling it off
PAINFULLY, but now I see stories in the news about young boys saying they
are girls, and think of the changes there could have been in my life.
Whenever I used to watch porn, I would always imagine myself as the girl,
so I had to stop. When I try to sleep, it's what I think about, even if
i'm thinking about normal situations.
I've tried to talk and maybe try being with guys, but I really am not gay,
yet I know if I were a girl, I would be very attracted to it, like hormones
are calling, heh.
Yet, through my inquiries into gender, and the type of individualist I am,
and the way I experience this kind of thing to be understood, I question
that if I was a woman in a man's body, whatever that is, then why should I
have to change anything about myself to prove that I am a woman?
For example, I have long hair and a beard as a man, but I would be the kind
of woman who would try being bald with body hair, haha, well not really,
but I would respect the right to be different.
Heck, technically I could say now that I am a woman and change nothing, and
I don't want to go through hormones or surgery. I mean, what is living as
a woman? Must I adopt feminine attire and 'act in a feminine way'? As
equals in society, can we not just say we are what we want to be, or must
we be like what is expected of one to be a woman?
Anyway, to cut the rest short, when I make love with my lady now, sometimes
I can't get off unless I fantacise the gender positions to be swapped, I
feel this is very unfair and unfaithful to my lady, and I've flaunted the
idea but she seems alienated by it.
Any knowledge or experience would be very kindly appreciated!
Thank you very much,
Jamie
