how to let go of being a ->-bleeped-<-?

[Beth Andrea]

nobody does want to date me maybe do sex with me or ->-bleeped-<- Chase me... date me? nope (or maybe my standards are to hi)... I'm working on ways to accept being alone... why the heck do people feel the need to share things?  its so hard to be alone.  its so hard to paint a picture and not feel the need to show it to others.  damn evolutionary programming

I'll tell you something...before I knew I was trans, I had these EXACT same issues. I didn't know why people didn't like me. I tried and tried...I changed the "pool" of potential friends several times...

And still no one liked me. After a while (think: decades), I started having anxiety attacks, massive severe depression, and a few other odd mental issues. I decided to see a therapist, to "learn some tips and tricks" to get friends. I realized in my first session that I had some serious underlying problems, and I would be seeing them long-term.

If you had asked me the day before that first session, I'd have said "No, I don't have any big problems, I just want to know why friends are so difficult for me to get."

The point of this is---Go see a therapist. At least once, preferably three times. That's all. Get an outside opinion on what might be going on within your mind.

Friends, I've since learned, aren't that hard to find, make, and keep...but one must address the problems that are preventing it from happening. And unfortunately you very likely won't find the answers here.

Good luck!   

[Kadri]

I get scared of people because of the potential they will hate me or be disgusted by me without even knowing me.  I tend to avoid people all the time.

I feel like that a lot of the time. i used to be a lot chattier than I am now, I tend to avoid men most of all. It's unlikely that many people will hate me here, but it is still likely they will read me as trans, so I like to keep to myself, or try to at least.

I believe that by coming here and getting in trans space I am not creating a space in my life for a normal life.  So no matter how empty it feels (like hunger pains) I need to avoid this place and stop coming back here in order to make the space necessary for my new life.  So that is what I am going to try to do.  Wish me luck O_o ...

That may not work for you but in my situation, this is my solution for letting go of being a "->-bleeped-<-".  I should also probably cut contact with my friends who are trans.  I guess I will have to take it one step at a time, just like I took transition it self.

Cheers

I also agree with Noey that leaving trans space is a way to stop thinking about "trans" and let your new life grow. I also feel that you can stop being trans when people stop knowing you are, and you stop telling them.

As soon as I reach a point that strangers can no longer clock me even from talking to me, I believe the temptation to disappear from trans spaces will become very strong. It's not that I don't like people, i just feel the psychological need to think of myself as a woman (albeit one with terrible hormone problems who was brought up as a boy), and not to be constantly reminded (even by myself) otherwise. Many of the things i do at the moment may simply be part of my transitional phase. I think the time has come where I already prefer just to be thought of as lesbian rather than trans. It's not that I even find trans distasteful, it's just that urge to no longer be trans that i have myself....but here I am still writing about it all over the internet!

If you do disappear off Noey, I do wish you the best of luck. You've given me many new ways to think about things, and I've always enjoyed reading what you write. I had a friend who thought the same way as you, and she disappeared to start a new life in another city. I haven't gone looking for her, but I always hope she is happy.

[oZma]

\

The point of this is---Go see a therapist. At least once, preferably three times. That's all. Get an outside opinion on what might be going on within your mind.

\

i see a therapist, have been seeing therapists for last 3 years since i started trans'ing

umm she tells me to go easy on myself, i've only been fulltime for 5 months.  she also says i should do yoga and try meditation which i totally want to do, but im too bust beating myself up still

and i don't have problems making friends, its more that i have a problem making friends i want to be friends with.  i guess im just too picky.  i meet people,hang out with them, have fun, then they call or text me to hang out again?  i ignore them.  maybe its my fear of rejection and being a trans?  who knows....

[justmeinoz]

Really, as the Nike ads say, the only answer is, "Just do it!"

Things are not going to get better unless you make changes, hard as it can be.  I am 6'2" and have broad shoulders but I have no trouble being accepted as a masculine woman, who is fairly obviously a dyke.  The rainbow tatt on a finger sort of helps.

Actually woman and lesbian are becoming a bit blurred as I am starting to feel that I am transcending Gender altogether, and am becoming aware that I am probably Pansexual.
Whatever, as the kids say.  I just get on with life.

Karen.

[Beth Andrea]

i see a therapist, have been seeing therapists for last 3 years since i started trans'ing

umm she tells me to go easy on myself, i've only been fulltime for 5 months.  she also says i should do yoga and try meditation which i totally want to do, but im too bust beating myself up still

and i don't have problems making friends, its more that i have a problem making friends i want to be friends with.  i guess im just too picky.  i meet people,hang out with them, have fun, then they call or text me to hang out again?  i ignore them.  maybe its my fear of rejection and being a trans?  who knows....

It seems to me that you are not accepting yourself, or maybe not trusting people that they truly want to be with you. Next time you get a text (or if it hasn't been too long since you last ignored one), take a couple deep breathes, trust that they want to see you, and that you are wanted, and reply back, "ok!" Two letters, o and k. Let your confidence accept at least those two letters...and send them.

You sound like a good person, just letting your anxieties get you down. (I say "just" like it's nothing...anxiety is a BIG thing, I know!)

+1 on the meditation recommendation. I have used that everyday in my life, ever since I learned of it, in the 3rd grade and again in the 10th. Also, look up "mindfulness" and read up on it until you can incorporate that into your daily life. It'll help with the "what if...?" thoughts that are cutting you down.