Starting College tomorrow and I'm super nervous =/

[Jeatyn]

I honestly feel like I'm going to throw up from nerves. I know this is something I want/need to do in order to get onto a decent career path but it's so beyond my comfort zone.

I applied and enrolled without letting anyone know I'm trans, but once my replacement GCSE certificates come through (lost the originals in a fire) they will have my old name on and I'm going to have to let my teachers know. Which is really disappointing, I would have loved to have gone stealth.

I'm worried that the teachers will misgender me and cause confusion and awkwardness once they know about me - that's just the way it goes, people can't help themselves it seems. Even if they try to be professional about it you can still end up with the whole "she/he" immediate correction nonsense which is still not ideal.

I can technically still be stealth with the other students, the T will kick in and I will change over the two year course so they will all just assume I'm a late bloomer I would imagine. I am anticipating some people thinking I'm a girl and I'm going to try my best to correct them - would really appreciate some advice on exactly how to go about this. If you've seen some of my previous posts you'll know that correcting people has at times lead to them actually arguing with me about which gender I am instead of just accepting the mistake.

I guess the point of this thread is to get advice on the best way to avoid embarrassing myself in front of 30 16 year olds xD and also for reassurance that everything is going to be ok. I've come a long way in the past few years but my social anxiety is still huge when it comes to unfamiliar situations.

[Rena-san]

Don't be nervous! I know it is scary to go to a new place, and even scarier to go there as a new self when you're still afraid of your old self popping back up not because of anything you do, but just because its still there and still a part of your history. I will tell you that it is bound to happen at some point: someone will call you by your old name. It happens to me anyway. Most people don't mean anything by it. There will be a few that will be total jerks and make  point of using a name you don't want to go by anymore or use the wrong pronouns. There's always a chance nothing like that will happen though! But if it does, and you detect malicious intent, then make sure you know who to go to in order to report it.

Other than that, just be happy and be yourself. Make friends you want to be friends with. Try not to worry about gender. Easier said than done.

[Ayden]

Your teachers will probably be pretty understanding. I started transitioning my last year, and I told my old advisor (who had been my professor for three years) and she didn't miss a beat, or even bat an eyelash.

I lived on a college campus for three years, was considered an "non traditional" student as I didn't start college until I was 20, and my husband was a college counselor for four years, so as for how to not embarrass yourself, I would give this as advice: They are just as nervous as you are about people's perceptions of them. On top of that, most people actually don't really care and I would use that to your advantage. If someone calls you a girl, or female pronouns, just look at them confused. A raised eyebrow or something as simple as a chuckle and joking it off works wonders. Last time I was called "miss" by someone on my old campus, I looked around, realized he was talking to me and laughed. He was actually more embarrassed than I was and when he apologized I just replied with "Nah, it happens a lot. The curse of late blooming, y'know?" Bear in mind that this was a university that I was pretty well known at, because of the husband's job.

So, that is my advice: Everyone is nervous and they are just as stressed as you. Most people are actually not out to be malicious or hurtful, and the best you can do is to just try and be a person.

[ChaoticTribe]

Just out of curiosity, couldn't you have had your old school papers changed to say Male? If you have a male drivers' license, they should have to do it as well as your name if it is different than it was. Refusal could open them up to a lawsuit and reminding them of that could also grease the wheels a bit.

As for dealing with teachers and students, simply tell them they're mistaken. If you speak with a deep voice, it shouldn't be hard to fix that right up.

Talking to a teacher after or before class and letting them know that calling you 'she' or using a name other than your current legal name is unacceptable should straighten things out. Let them know that to do otherwise would constitute harassment on the basis of sex and gender identity. Again, do not say "I am going to sue you" or anything, simply say, "I don't appreciate you calling me that and I want you to know that you need to refer to me by my proper name and gender. I really respect you and I do not come to class to accept harassment or discrimination." Those words will trigger a reaction that will either make things chill between you or possibly bring you some cash flow.

I will say, I was misgendered on purpose by a fellow employee at work. I reported it to management, filed a paper reporting it, and they spoke with the other employee. I was informed that if it happens again go back to the manager and the other employee will be fired for harassment. What went unsaid is that they do this because otherwise the company would be liable for allowing harassment or for being negligent about not stopping it. Colleges will also not want to be sued especially since they operate out of one building and can't just say "It's the office in _____ that is the problem, not us!" For this reason, you should get a similarly swift fixing of the situation.

Don't say things like that to students though since that would blow your stealth. If they call you she or her, just say "I'm a guy." That's enough. I haven't yet had someone respond with anything other than oops or sorry.

[Jeatyn]

I've done some googling but I can't find any information on if I can change my papers, which would obviously be the preferred choice =( they won't come through for around a month so I'm hoping by that point my legal name and proper gender will already be stuck in peoples heads, I'm not going to mention it until I actually have to physically show them the papers.

I actually didn't get misgendered all day! Didn't even get any funny looks in the mens room. I think they all assume I'm 16 like everyone else so my baby face is nothing out of place. I had to do a presentation with a partner at one point and got a "good job boys" at the end. 

Although I did end up misgendered someone myself *facepalm* I honest to god thought someone was a girl, until they spoke and it came out like Barry White...whoops D= I rather selfishly did think to myself though, that having another girly looking guy in the class would make me stand out less xD

[Jam]

Are you from the UK? if you are i've heard they are a bit funny about changing your school certificates, I think I read somewhere they want you to have a gender recognition certificate before they will do it.

Anyways I just started college, I had my old name on my certificates. What I did was ask to speak to someone in private, then I explained the situation and that I wanted to to have that conversation because I didn't want anyone shouting it out. As far as I am aware only the people who did my certificates, the people who sort out any health issues I might have and the top guy in charge of enrolment know. I don't think my tutors know and if they do then they havent missed a beat. 

[Beverly]

Are you from the UK? if you are i've heard they are a bit funny about changing your school certificates, I think I read somewhere they want you to have a gender recognition certificate before they will do it.

Evidence of the name change and a Letter of Medical Evidence from the GIC, stating the gender change is permanent,  should be enough.

I did not bother changing any of mine. I do not care any more....

[Jam]

Evidence of the name change and a Letter of Medical Evidence from the GIC, stating the gender change is permanent,  should be enough.

I did not bother changing any of mine. I do not care any more....

Thanks for the info 

[Jeatyn]

Yah I'm in the UK

I've done more searching and actually found an answer, not the one I wanted unfortunately

one site:

"An educational certificate from for example GCSE, A Level or Degree course examinations is much like a birth certificate in as far as it is a historical record, issued correctly in the name you were known by at the time.
Therefore, you cannot have your educational certificates re-issued in your new name."

Another:

Can I change the name on my certificate?
Unfortunately not, because we can't change names on individual results records. If you've applied for a replacement certificate, the name printed on the certificate will be the name you had at the time you took the qualification.


As for taking someone aside in private, I will definitely do that, I'm not just going to hand them over in class....however it is my tutors that are specifically asking for them. So I think they are the ones who sort it out. I'd much prefer if it was some random HR person I never had to see.

[ChaoticTribe]

I am very glad to know that your first day went well. That is what's important, the other students because those are the people likely to be working in your field once you've got your degree. The teachers however will be stuck in the same job, laboring away on campus where you won't meet them again. Now your college diploma will have your current name on it, which is very important and will be enough of a point to anybody. After all, you didn't get that college degree without going through school.

Just remember, tutor or not they are still not allowed to harass you or discriminate against you in any way. If any boy goes into school and gets called a girl by someone in power, you can bet people are going to come down HARD on them because of the emotional distress and other trauma that can cause. Your tutor is not a doctor and hasn't seen inside your pants, so they need to treat you like they'd treat any other guy.

From my experience, even the cable company people on the phone line apologize profusely when they misgender (working on my phone voice, gah) because they don't want you complaining and getting them in trouble.

[mm]

Congrats on your first, sounds like you did fine.  Be confident goes a long way, be yourself.  I find men's rooms fairly easy to deal with, just be confident, go in do your business and leave, guys sudden say much of anything.  Have you started T or do you still the monthly mess to deal with?

[Jeatyn]

Yep 16 days on T *points to ticker*  I was e-blockers before that so I haven't had a monthly mess in ages thank god. I couldn't bare to deal with that in a public setting.

The last time I used a mens room the second I left some guy in there shouted "WHAT WAS SHE DOING IN HERE?!" - embarrassing, but at least he waited until I left xD So I was a little apprehensive about doing my bidniss in college

[ChaoticTribe]

Good on the e-blockers, there are actually some called 'suicide inhibitors' meaning they permanently change the body and could be discontinued once you've seen effects. May wanna talk to your doctor and see if you might want those but if you've since stopped taking them then obviously nevermind.

Wow it's messed up someone did that. That wasn't at college was it? Whenever people are in doubt, if you do have ans use an STP them seeing your feet pointing toward the toilet could go a long way toward cementing the idea that you're a male, even if you originally confused them.

[Jeatyn]

Nah that bathroom incident was in a train station.

I had an awkward moment today but I think I got away with it....maybe

I befriended the guy I mis-gendered today. We were chatting outside, and he mentioned something about how cold it was and sorry for not offering his jacket because he was freezing too but I could wear it once he warmed up if I wanted....then said something like "that isn't flirting by the way...I overheard you say you have a kid and a lad don't worry"

I looked at him in silence for a few seconds wondering if he was gay and reading me male or straight and reading me female, so I just decided to say "do you think I'm a boy or a girl? People are never sure with me, it happens all the time"

he replied with "oh I know you're a girl because <name of bitchy girl in the class> has told everyone your proper name is Nicola"

so I said

"hahaha no it's isn't, it's just Nick, I'm a guy....but like I say this happens to me all the time so I thought I'd just check"

He went bright red and apologised profusely, then went on to say he feels like a right idiot because he must have come across as gay when he's not. Then asked me to clarify if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend because he was confused about overhearing I had a boyfriend and a child. So I just said she was mine from a previous relationship and that I swing both ways.

He apologised some more and then our conversation carried on as normal.

Reckon I got away with it? ...also should I do anything about that girl telling everyone my name is Nicola? -_- god knows why she thought it was necessary to do that....but it's only been 3 days and several people have already complained to me that they don't like her because she's horrible and a gossip. I'm sorta hoping the guy will relay back to the girl that I am in fact a guy and she will gossip about me some more and set everyone straight xD I couldn't care less if I end up getting made fun of for being a guy that looks like a girl, as long as they think I'm a guy.

[suzifrommd]

Miss Manners should publish something about how to deal with people who out you on purpose. It's really rude, and there's several schools of thought. Some say ignore them. Others say confront them. Still others say hunt them down and exact your revenge when and how they're least able to deal with it.

[Beverly]

"hahaha no it's isn't, it's just Nick, I'm a guy....but like I say this happens to me all the time so I thought I'd just check"

He went bright red and apologised profusely, then went on to say he feels like a right idiot because

Exactly the correct thing to do. The bitchy girl will be getting some blow-back. Just keep insisting that you are Nick.  What you were is history, what you are now is what they have to deal with. No matter what they say you are Nick.

Perhaps if you could burp really loudly or drop a few 'trumps' in the middle of a lecture then all doubts would be banished.