Hi, my name is Brendan! Out of the closet, homosexual, pre-op trans guy.
I came to this site seeking others who are in my shoes, on the will of my best friend who suggested I should find other people like me. I feel like I just could use a friend who understands, and have somewhere to go to for advice if I need it! I really would like some place that can help me for when I begin to fully transition, which I plan on doing in the future.
I'm going post a basic summary of how I came to realization. Perhaps another day I can be a little more specific, and write more about it.
I grew up not exactly caring or knowing about who I was. I played with my brother's toys, as well as my own. I always felt I connected better with the boys, but had a few girl friends, too. It wasn't until I hit puberty that I really got confused. The day I got my first period at 11 years old, I knew something was wrong! I just couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't for many years to come. I didn't want to go clothes shopping, I didn't want to wear make up or wear high heeled shoes. I didn't want to be a mommy or be a housewife. Though I knew this, I hid it. I was dealing with a lot of other turmoils in my life and it was not a good time to tell anyone. So, I ignored it. It bottled up inside, tucked away from the world. It hurt me emotionally, and I have the scars from how I hurt myself because I hated my body so much. But, when I was 16 I knew I finally had to accept it. I am a man. I knew this. I knew it from the time I was 13 and fell in love with my best friend. I knew it from when I was in sex ed and I just wanted to know more about the changes that were happening to my body, because they felt wrong in the ways that weren't what anyone cisgender could call "normal". Finally, after a year of mental preparation and research, I did it. I came out of the closet. Since then, I've been widely accepted by almost everyone. Not everyone calls me the right pronouns yet, or even my name in some cases. But that's okay, because I know it takes time, even if it's frustrating! I have even made a speech at my school about accepting who you are, and not being afraid to come out. I've also been published in a book, with a short story about when I came out to my dad. I'm learning every day to love myself despite the dysphoria and frustration. I need to push forward- I've been through too much of life to give up now. I plan on going through with surgery a bit later on in life.
A little more about me outside that subject... I'm 18. I live in the Northwest. I'm Wiccan. My passions are art and writing, and I want to become a professional author. I love to read and listen to music; my favourite bands are A Perfect Circle, Gorillaz, System of a Down and Scars On Broadway. Of course I listen to many more bands than that, so it's pretty hard to choose just one! And the kid in me still lives strong, in that I'm a huge fan of Pokemon and love cartoons. I'm all about the web comic, Homestuck. I love any body modification, such as piercings and tattoos, but it's definitely not limited to just that.
Well, that's about all I can think of for right now... if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask! I'm pretty much an open book. Thanks for reading!
