Quote from: Mellysia on February 27, 2013, 04:58:59 AM
Thank you Jenny. Good luck with the hair growth. I'd love to have long hair, but in reality the one gene that I received from mother that I don't like is the inability to grow hair and I mean in general. I can't grow a full beard at all, I barely have any hair on my arms and legs that is visible, almost no hair on my chest and the hair on my head will probably grow only about 4 inches a year. That means its a wig for me unless by some miracle hormones would induce hair growth (not going to happen, but I can still wish for it)
I also don't really have to worry about my adams apple very much since you can't really see it anyways. I really think growing up my body couldn't decide to be male or female so I grew up with a little of both, well more female in my opinion. I got hips like you won't believe.
Looking at your profile picture I'd love to look you like right now, but I gotta start first. Don't really know how or where to start.
I can smile better, but for some reason I feel shy. Haven't felt shy about anything in a very long time.
Melly (do you go by that, too?)
It sounds like you have some really good feminine features that you are proud of, and that will be great to help carry you through! It also seems to me that you have a really great head on your shoulders about transitioning. A really strong sense of happiness and calmness- you are special. Be proud of those hips, holy crap I've been wanting those since I was 13! Rock it!!
Your comment about my profile pic does mean a lot to me
In the past few months I've been trying SO hard to see myself in the mirror as a woman. I've been researching, getting constructive feedback, and reading on susans a TON, reaching out to some luckily very willing friends when I need to, and continually practicing what I feel I should do until I know deep down I've reached some form of success with each attainable aspect. Then I practice more and hone until things become natural and I forget I was trying to change or learn that thing at all. It's an every day process that I've come to cherish and enjoy.
As far as the literally seeing myself as a woman thing I mentioned earlier... Honestly going full time was like having a turbo boost for the home stretch. In just the past week I think I crossed that line and I do finally see myself embodied as a woman all the time every day
It's no longer an attempt at feeling feminine enough on the outside to properly represent what's going on inside... it just happens! Getting any sort of acknowledgement about how I look to others (or even just being properly gendered) pleasantly reminds me of all the countless hours spent so far, and really makes me appreciate what I've had to go through in order to get where I am today. I FEEL the release from all of those years wanting something so badly, deciding to do something about it, and finally now seeing the real Jenny in the mirror- and seeing other people see me too- not just feel her buried under layers of shame/fear/unrealistic rationalisations about how I thought I could go on living ignoring the itch.
I've still got work to do, but in reality everyone does with the body- CIS people, too. It's our duty to maintain our bodies and change them as we see fit. It doesn't really seem like work anymore to me though- kind of just a feeling of "steady as she goes" coupled with excitement thanks to encouragement from kind people like yourself that throw out a reminder of sorts or compliment (no matter how big/small) here or there. With the right mindset, a little can sure go a long way. I think you could have the mindset for that sort of thing, too. It's only going to help. That is for sure.
And I totally get you on the shyness factor, I was extremely shy starting out! When you find yourself, that will all change.
I look forward to seeing you break through! These are very exciting times, indeed. Good luck on your journey!!!
