Passing is alright, but I'm not happy with meeting minimum standards. I have a tomboyish face, if not an androgynous one, and such a thing does not synergize well with pretty clothing and accessories. It would be nice to be able to wear dresses, beautiful or plain, without looking strange in them, and I would like to dress to draw attention to my face, rather than away from it.
I similarly look strange in high-heels and skirts - I plain-and-simply look the least out-of-place in more everyday styles, such as T-shirts, jeans, hoodies, and an array of other such things.
I may be told that I'm being too harsh on myself, or that drawing attention to myself is something I should enjoy, but I disagree. I'm always as honest as I can be with myself, and I rely on the opinions of the most critical people I know to supplement this. In this honesty, I have realized that to draw attention to myself may not be for the best, because, of the two kinds of attention one will receive - criticism, and approval - I would receive more of the former.
Since my mortal shell leaves much to be desired for the discriminating eye, I dress to draw attention away from myself. I act to the same end, and I have done so for a very long time. This is why I refer to myself as a ghost - because it works, and I really do go unseen by many. I wish things were another way, but wishes do not change reality, as much as I wish they did.
My vanity and selfishness are so apparently great. In time, I hope to resolve all of this... For now, however, I remain the Ghost.
