Hey All

[Joshua_Sarah]

Well this is it, I've lost it, over the ridge and far, far away. I'm laughing ,dancing and singing all at once, it feels like it should be sunny but alas it looks really dark, I'm being literal here it actually is night. Should I apologize, I do if it matters to those that care, I'm in a good mood but my thoughts are a little fuzzy so I'm not sure how this will come out.

Does the name give it away, I was stuck deciding for a bit, I hope this works. I am a guy that could be a girl, there's a story there (isn't there always), but it's not for this post no no. I feel like twirling, 'The Killers' are playing, its not a bad band by far and so I'll put the reasons up later after work.

I will mention the feelings because there are shared, the voices may not be and even if they are, they can always be bartered with, after all every voice comes from a mind which wants something. The feeling however is something like standing at a crossroad, the choice in front of you,  I'm sure like lots of others I kept to the side I was born on (ain't that always easier??) but I eventually got curious as to the other path I saw once in a while. I tried walking between both to keep the two in sight, that became difficult and ultimately led me here.

So here I am a 24 year old nutcase , I'd like to stay for longer but I've gotta head to work, I look forward to hearing insight from others and hopefully helping some others along the way but for now it's a good night (a bright night) and I hope everyone else enjoys it.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8393 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

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Janet 

[Devlyn]

Hi Sarah, it's nice to meet you! I live up near Boston. Make yourself comfortable and grab some snacks! See you around, hugs, Devlyn

[justmeinoz]

Gender fluidity?  I think there is a lot more of it about than we have been led to believe.
I sometimes find myself shifting a bit lately.

Karen.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Sarah,

Another big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in and start talking.

I see nothing in your exuberance to indicate a "nut case" at all. Your development appears quite normal.  There is a very strong sense of freedom and liberation, one encounters when they find the real person inside, and decide to bring them out. Little bit like being flung out of a catapult.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Joshua_Sarah]

Thanks for the warm reception, I'll make sure to look through those links (have to make sure we stay in line). I was quite giddy last post, it was really nice to finally put something out there, knowing there are others with similar issues and then the knowledge that your a part of that helps a lot.  it really would be quite the reuinion. I'm gonna put up a few points that I really think shaped where I ended up, I'm apologizing in a advance as well, I'm not fond of putting this stuff out there (you're a guy and guys don't talk about their feeling).

Like others things started pretty young (around eight sounds right), my family has some pretty strong gender lines, stuck a bit in the past they are. I know religion is a touchy subject so I hope I don't ruffle any feathers but I was raised catholic and early in my teens I learned I should have had a little sister that died at birth. Now I was really sick as a child plus I really hadn't done anything with myself, so I began to wonder if perhaps my gender issues all those thoughts were just my guilt over living when she hadn't.

Then I had a bright idea and tried to turn all the gender feelings into a sexual kink, I'm sure others can imagine but I really started to hate myself then but I was positive this was right, after all there are all sorts of kinks and you wouldn't tell by looking at people. I developed a fairly heavy drinking problem, after nearly drinking myself to death a couple times  and really screwing up a whole lot more I finally decided to address the issue I suppose.

That's led me here, I remember one of my favourite memories was just spending a day dressed in casual feminine clothes, I had my nails painted but no makeup nor a wig, it doesn't really help me decide but I recall it being a really relaxing feeling. I've bought and purged items a few times, I don't have anything right now but I think a shopping trip is gonna be coming up really soon. Again I'm sorry to put this up (how I was brought up), it makes it real, either staying or changing, I know there are a lot of different issues that still could pop up (telling family) but I want to thank the community because this feels like a start.

So thanks  , I'' do my best so others can feel the same.

[Jamie D]

Hi there, Joshua_Sarah, and welcome from southern California.  Your introduction caught my eye.

So here I am a 24 year old nutcase

We have a special place for new members like you.  It's called "Australia."