I found something that helps...

[castlescout]

I am a minor and I still live with my parents, who hold to the belief that transsexuality is just an excuse for homosexuality, and I can't transition. I did find something that helps ease the dysphoria, if only a little bit. I started a diary, in code so my patents can't read it. Whenever I feel like me, like Ashley, I sit down and write. It's helped a bit so far. I would upload a picture of my dairy but I don't know how...

[MadelineB]

I am a minor and I still live with my parents, who hold to the belief that transsexuality is just an excuse for homosexuality, and I can't transition. I did find something that helps ease the dysphoria, if only a little bit. I started a diary, in code so my patents can't read it. Whenever I feel like me, like Ashley, I sit down and write. It's helped a bit so far. I would upload a picture of my dairy but I don't know how...

I did the same when I was a minor. Its a habit I continue happily to this day, except I don't need code any more. Hang in there Ashley and take wonderful care of yourself!
Hugs,
Maddie

[A]

This might not be the main topic, but I would really suggest looking for every way possible to initiate transition. The younger you are, the more time matters. If you're at least 14, your parents have no say in medical treatments for you; in Canada, at least. You could get blockers.

If you're really stuck, you can always get a lot of spearmint tea. Can't hurt.

[justmeinoz]

Sorry to hear your parents can't cope.  I keep a journal and it is a great way to get your thoughts sorted.  Hang in there, it will pass.

Karen.

[castlescout]

This might not be the main topic, but I would really suggest looking for every way possible to initiate transition. The younger you are, the more time matters. If you're at least 14, your parents have no say in medical treatments for you; in Canada, at least. You could get blockers.

If you're really stuck, you can always get a lot of spearmint tea. Can't hurt.

I'm over 14, but I'm in the good old USA.

I actually already came out to my parents. I told them, and if they were shocked or saddened or angry they didn't let me see it. Actually all they wanted to do was help. Unfortunately, their idea of "help" is that they offered to let me talk to a Focus on the Family counselor. (Focus on the Family, if you don't know, has an EXTREME right-wing, ultra traditional Christian bias) I think I've managed to convince them that it was just a phase by just plain not mentioning it, at least for now.

Also I've heard things about phytoestrogens, that they don't help as much as people think they do. Anyways, I have a milk allergy and thus I am very familiar with soy products. (which if I'm correct are also a phytoestrogen) Mom thinks that might be one of the reasons that my puberty was more mild than most boys. I actually never experienced having my voice crack, it just gradually shifted lower.

But that's all for another topic.

[A]

I meant, you don't need your parents' consent to get a blocker prescription, I believe. And well, if your parents have a will to help, you're going to have to sit down with them and explain eventually, be it before or after your initiation of transition. I did just that, brushed it off as a phase or something for a long while, because I didn't get the reaction I hoped for. I only regretted it afterwards.

That's why I strongly advise to do everything you can, as fast as you can. For me, that wait (probably) caused me voice problems as well as gave me a prominent Adam's apple, all within the last year when I was waiting "in the system" to make it all the more cruel.

Phyto-oestrogens are indeed not all the good people imagine them to be. I was talking about spearmint tea, which acts as a mild anti-androgen.

[suzifrommd]

Actually all they wanted to do was help. Unfortunately, their idea of "help" is that they offered to let me talk to a Focus on the Family counselor.

Oh Ashley, this is horrible. It may be that your parents want what's best for you, but my heart goes out to you for having to face such an uphill battle. Maybe you can educate your parents. I know it will be really, really, hard because they have some preconceived notions and religious objections. You will know them best and will know whether it is worth a try.

If not, please find some allies. Some people who understand you need to be true to yourself. Is there a PFLAG chapter in your town (they don't deal specifically with transgender, but they know about being true to yourself)? Is there a gay/straight alliance at your school or at a school in your area? Any teachers or counselors you think might be sympathetic or educable who you could open your heart to? Friends' parents?

You seem like a very determined and patient person. That will come in handy. At least stick with your diary, and keep posting here and know that we care and are thinking about you.

[castlescout]

Oh Ashley, this is horrible. It may be that your parents want what's best for you, but my heart goes out to you for having to face such an uphill battle. Maybe you can educate your parents. I know it will be really, really, hard because they have some preconceived notions and religious objections. You will know them best and will know whether it is worth a try.

If not, please find some allies. Some people who understand you need to be true to yourself. Is there a PFLAG chapter in your town (they don't deal specifically with transgender, but they know about being true to yourself)? Is there a gay/straight alliance at your school or at a school in your area? Any teachers or counselors you think might be sympathetic or educable who you could open your heart to? Friends' parents?

You seem like a very determined and patient person. That will come in handy. At least stick with your diary, and keep posting here and know that we care and are thinking about you.

My parents are very... I don't want to say stubborn, but I can't think of anything else that fits. Also, I'm homeschooled, which means, no school counselors, teachers or school friends I can turn to. Most of my friends are either at church, boy scouts, or in a different state or country. (My dad's with the military, so we move around a lot) So really, the only people I can talk to are you here on Susan's. May I ask, though, what the PFLAG is?

[Elsa]

PFLAG  = Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays

anyways try to start as soon as you can am sure there may be places that can help but you probably will have to travel alot to get it.

Not starting younger or not continuing with my transition - in my case - is something we all regret.

Try to avoid it if you can - look for GID support centers and LGBT friendly places in your area and only tell people you trust.

[A]

Church, boy scouts, moving due to a military father... That's kind of sad. ._.

Anyway, yeah, if I were you, I would really do everything I can to initiate transition as soon as possible. Writing a diary and such might help you psychologically, but that will in no way stop the physical harm that's being done to you by your own body.

If really, your parents won't understand, you can just act independently from them and worry about them understanding later. They don't sound like would react really badly anyway.

For example, you could:
-Find an excuse for an appointment with a doctor and go in alone (you have the right to), and then ask the doctor about this. If needed, you can simply find a random illness and its symptoms and say you're worried about a few of those symptoms.
-The same could be done to see a therapist. For an effective cover, the best would be to find one who has experience with trans issues, but doesn't exactly specialise in them. And no crap like politically/religiously engaged therapists with questionable qualifications. A real licensed psychologist or other professional.
-Find a trans-friendly, informed consent, etc. clinic and go there alone for help. I believe those truly understand and have expertise in helping trans people in difficult situations. They could probably prescribe you hormone blockers or real HRT, depending on your age, after just a quick process. Some also offer other support services like therapists.

If you see a therapist, for example, even if it's just so they understand (because the way I understand it, they have no say on the matter), as, for example, a psychologist with a diploma, that person will be able to explain your parents. After having seen the therapist for a while, you could call your parents in for a four-person appointment where the therapist (or even doctor actually) could make your parents understand that gender identity disorder is a true health issue, that it's not your fault, nor Satan's, and that it's been proven to require physical treatment.

A lot of very stubborn people will resist and explain things the way they want to, but will calm down and understand when someone highly credible explains. It's not a guarantee, but an expert's explanation very well might be all they need to finally recognise the facts.

[castlescout]

Also, having said everything I have said on this thread, I have another question to ask.  I have really short hair, and that's one of the most dysphoric things for me. Any ideas how I can convince Mom and Dad to let me have long hair? Dad has said before that he wouldn't let me get hair long enough to put a ponytail in. He thinks that men shouldn't have long hair, and I agree. The only thing is, I'm not a man.

[A]

Refuse to go to the hairdresser. They won't get to the point of dragging you there. Tell him you want long hair, and be stubborn about it, simply. If you need an excuse to stand up to him, find a male star with long hair and tell him you really want that haircut.

You can also say that if girls can have short hair, you can have long hair.

There's no real logic in that. And without violating some rights you just must have, your parents have no say in your haircut -at all- if it doesn't break a school's dress code, for example. The only thing they can do is try hard to convince you.

Seriously, what can they do?

[Ave]

Church, boy scouts, moving due to a military father... That's kind of sad. ._.

Anyway, yeah, if I were you, I would really do everything I can to initiate transition as soon as possible. Writing a diary and such might help you psychologically, but that will in no way stop the physical harm that's being done to you by your own body.

If really, your parents won't understand, you can just act independently from them and worry about them understanding later. They don't sound like would react really badly anyway.

For example, you could:
-Find an excuse for an appointment with a doctor and go in alone (you have the right to), and then ask the doctor about this. If needed, you can simply find a random illness and its symptoms and say you're worried about a few of those symptoms.
-The same could be done to see a therapist. For an effective cover, the best would be to find one who has experience with trans issues, but doesn't exactly specialise in them. And no crap like politically/religiously engaged therapists with questionable qualifications. A real licensed psychologist or other professional.
-Find a trans-friendly, informed consent, etc. clinic and go there alone for help. I believe those truly understand and have expertise in helping trans people in difficult situations. They could probably prescribe you hormone blockers or real HRT, depending on your age, after just a quick process. Some also offer other support services like therapists.

If you see a therapist, for example, even if it's just so they understand (because the way I understand it, they have no say on the matter), as, for example, a psychologist with a diploma, that person will be able to explain your parents. After having seen the therapist for a while, you could call your parents in for a four-person appointment where the therapist (or even doctor actually) could make your parents understand that gender identity disorder is a true health issue, that it's not your fault, nor Satan's, and that it's been proven to require physical treatment.

A lot of very stubborn people will resist and explain things the way they want to, but will calm down and understand when someone highly credible explains. It's not a guarantee, but an expert's explanation very well might be all they need to finally recognise the facts.

Unless you're 18 or older I doubt any Informed Consent Clinic in the USA would take on the liability of providing  hormones to a minor without their parents consent. However, you could possibly bring up the "mature minor " rule with your doctor and that might work, depending on the state. I know that in my state minors, regardless of emancipation status, have the right to access care for reproductive and mental health without parental consent.

[suzifrommd]

Any ideas how I can convince Mom and Dad to let me have long hair?

Two possibilities.

1. You could try to reason with them. "It's my hair. How much hard would it really do to grow it long."

2. Take A's advice and stand up to them. Politely and respectfully refuse to go.

It helps to be as helpful as you can in other ways, so they become sort of dependent on you. That gives you some leverage, since they'll like the way you are and won't want to rock the boat.

You know them best. Whichever you think is more likely to work.

Good luck, Ashley

[Teela Renee]

Depending on your state, id go to your school counsilor, and express your concerns, cause if you can prove to your school officals its a direct cause for major mental and physical health concerns, you can get the school to advocate and push for medical intervention to overturn your parents informed concent. at the age of 16 thats what my older cousin did.  Or do what I did. Go take it to the local newspaper, you'll publicly out yourself, but damn does it make your parents look bad, and they will most likely cave and let you pursue it.  intense community pressure tends to get you what you want. Thats how I got my folks to send me to counsiling. They wanted to be D bags, I D bagged right back.

[jesse]

My parents are very... I don't want to say stubborn, but I can't think of anything else that fits.
[/quote

i can controlling comes to mind while i dont want to advocate disobediance to your parents you are past 14 i wouldnt bather consulting them on hair length i would just grow and letting them thing its a phase is counter productive because when you sit down for the real discussion thats exactly what their going to say its a phase like the last time making it harder to make them see its a problem not a phase

[Isabelle]

I thought this thread was going to be about gin.

Anyway, I think it's awesome you're brave enough to recognize yourself so young. I'm sorry about your parents, that really sucks. Like everyone is saying though, it's not the end of the world. My advice is, if you're not already, start working part time outside of school hours. Save as much as humanly possible. Don't get caught up in the late teen party trap of wasting what little money you have on drugs/alcohol/etc just save. The best case scenario here is you get on GNrH antagonists to stop testosterone from masculinising you any further then, when you're able (18 maybe) you start full hrt. You need to save so that when you are 18 and you're in control of your own life, you can walk out your parents door and say "thanks for all your help but I'm doing what I need to do regardless of your thoughts on the matter" you'll have work experience and some cash saved to easily find a flat and continue working
Also, if you're feeling "militant" just start insisting they refer to you as female. Present as female at home. Don't be a drama queen about it, just be the real you. When they see you're happier and you're not crazy and you're not going to stop you might start to win them over. There will be arguments and disagreements and tension but eventually it will cool down. Passive resistance is the key here. Just be you.

[Seyranna]

Oh yeah I was totally gay in denial... A gay woman LOL.

Jokes aside I know I was more respected because my orientation didn't change... I personally think that's it's rather suspicious if you wind up liking men overnight just because you transition I mean try being gay first.