What worries me about transition...

[vivienne]

Since HRT I've changed a lot more than I expected. I don't think it's just because of HRT though. I believe there's also a social factor envolved. There are things that you just can't or won't do/say as a woman without being clocked. For me it goes naturally for the most part, but I still slip up sometimes with little things and I still learn from it. If at some point you pass then you cant really be prepared for how people will treat you. It's a magical thing but to some degree there's also a learning curve because old habits die hard. This is what it's like for me anyway.

I remember telling my family 2,5 years ago that HRT wasn't going to change my inside or personality, but now I feel I was wrong about that (which reminds me to ask them how they feel about that now) and I didn't mention that the whole process would also change me. I just didn't know. The core of me is still there, but everything around it is different. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't even know how to describe 'core'.

I also feel that I was naive to think that my friendships would continue to 'work' and that my relationship with my family would stay the same. It has ALL changed. For the most part because I myself have changed and for a smaller part because I am being true to myself. For example; how can I continue a friendship with someone who after 3 years still cant say my name and who thinks that I should be 'open' about my transsexuality? I've made some radical decisions and I don't regret them.. I do what it takes to be able to move on.

I expected to just become the female version of the person that I used to be, and perhaps that's just what it is but things have changed on so many levels that I can't say that I still feel the same person as before. It feels great though. Before HRT I was not sure if I was ever going to have SRS and now 2 years later there's nothing I want more.

If a person changed both physically and emotionally then what exactly hasn't changed? I mean that as an actual question and not a retorical question lol. The only thing I can think of is the core of the person but that's just to vague. What exactly is this core?

The core of me (whatever that is) was born in the wrong body, wrong hormones, etc. and slowly it all starts to make more sense and I feel that I am on my way to becoming 'normal'. There have been way too many changes though to say that I've only changed from the outside.

[kelly_aus]

Yes, I'd read online an equivalent of the List, and it was overwhelming! It's reassuring to think that these are more like guidelines. I've already gone past the point of social stigma in the way I dress in public, so as long as I'm not physically in any danger, I think I can handle some of the stares and double-looks. The main thing that keeps pushing HRT to the forefront of my mind is reading, here and elsewhere, the urgency with which people recommend getting HRT "before it's too late." But hell, what's really to say it's too late so long as I'm both happy and certain?


Thanks to everyone who responded, you are all wonderful and inspiring

It's never too late, the right time is when you think it is..

[Alainaluvsu]

Obviously the point of transition is to be yourself. The only way you know if it will be right for you is to actually do it and see if life is happier to live. I know that's captain obvious but the deeper meaning is coming.

At the end of the day, transition is better for you if you've *never* been yourself, and transitioning allows you to be yourself, making you less awkward and improving your social life. However, maybe things were awkward before, as you were yourself pre transition and that created a projection that did not match who you are. Transitioning may be what makes everything project correctly, and thereby making things less awkward.

IDK if that makes any sense but it does in my head

See, I'm transsexual (duh). I was awkward pre-transition, because I was trying too hard to be somebody I'm not. Now that I've transitioned, I don't have to try so hard to cover up who I am, or try too hard to be who I'm not. People have seen that, and I've personally won over so ... so... soooo many people that I never thought I would. My brother completely opposed it before, now he says "nobody in the family should have a problem with it... you're the same person just ... you look and talk different. You're still easy to be around, and you're less awkward because you're not trying to be anybody else anymore". This came from one of those good ol southern UFC loving heavy metal kind of guys. People come around if you are who you are... and if they don't, then they fall out of your life and you don't care, because your new life is better.

At the end of the day you have to own whoever you are. People can see fake, they can see if you're trying too hard to be something you're not, they can sense if you're hiding something... they can see if something is just off about you (not physically, but socially). If you are transsexual, own it - be the girl you are inside and TRUST ME... even if you do get opposition, people will like you. If you're a cross dresser (NOT referring to anybody specifically), put on that dress and do what you do. If you're andro, sit in the middle and confuse the hell out of people. If you're bi-gender, switch back and forth based on feel. IT DOESN'T MATTER! PEOPLE SEE WHO YOU ARE AND THERE ARE MANY THAT WILL RESPECT IT! EVERYONE ELSE CAN FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET! Your life will be much easier without them, and trust me, when you are you, people see that before everything else and will generally respect it.

[Jayne]

I've not read every reply yet so may be repeating what someone else has said, I noticed your comment about swapping one cage for another, keep in mind that the HRT cage door is left wide open.
I've been told that when I start HRT it will be for a 6 month trial (standard procedure) if at any time in those 6 months I feel that this is wrong for me I can stop the HRT (not likely) & any changes should be easily reversible.

Should you decide that you need to know for sure then you have the "try before you buy" option with no long term obligations.
Sometimes you just need to take life in bite sized pieces so you don't choke.

Best wishes
Jayne

[Christine]

But despite it, I'm a happy person. I read that a lot of women here were deeply depressed, often suicidal, prior to transition. I feel for them and understand, I think, how that can be. In these cases, the possible negatives of HRT are vastly outweighed by the fact that the positives make life liveable. But while I'm no stranger to depression or even suicidal tendencies, I've been lucky in other ways. I have a perfect partner. She makes a dysphoric life beautiful. I have supportive family. I don't have much money, but I have enough. What I have right now I cherish immensely and I'm frightened to put it into jeopardy.

It sounds like you love your family with all your heart. If that is true, a full transition could cause you to loose them. If you have school age kids they could be harmed by other children. You could also lose your spouse.   Its a critical choice you must make. It's a balancing act between what you need to be mentally happy.  Whats more important in your life right now.  There are ways to deal with your dysphoria without the full SRS and a fulltime transition. Many people on this board have done so successfully. Many like myself have also kept their spouse and the love of their children. It is possible but you must look at the realities. Small changes may make you feel better and provide a safer route and make you feel better.

There still feels like a fundamental disjuncture between me and my body.

That is an interesting comment. And one that should be explored more thoroughly. That could be interpreted in a couple different ways. You dislike your body parts or you feel somehow different from your apparent physical gender (ie...male) or both.  The later is what drove me into depression. It became nasty  as the years rolled by. That's where a qualified gender therapist will really help you zero in on the problem. If your brutally honest with them you will find the issues that are disturbing you. Once that is determined you can find ways to deal with them and keep yourself and hopefully your family intact.

[Stephe]

Yes, I'd read online an equivalent of the List, and it was overwhelming! It's reassuring to think that these are more like guidelines. I've already gone past the point of social stigma in the way I dress in public, so as long as I'm not physically in any danger, I think I can handle some of the stares and double-looks. The main thing that keeps pushing HRT to the forefront of my mind is reading, here and elsewhere, the urgency with which people recommend getting HRT "before it's too late." But hell, what's really to say it's too late so long as I'm both happy and certain?

Here goes another unpopular comment

A lot of the advice I hear online about the "must do's" before you can live full time come from people who are not yet living full time. Also a lot of the "This is all the bad stuff that will happen" if from people not living full time. What is required to live full time is you have to start doing it.

[JoanneB]

Going full time, or even part time as I am, requires nothing more than ATTITUDE. A wardrobe and some makeup also helps    Stephe is the expert there. So many people buy into these "lists", which I can understand. I have my fair share of self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Other then the mental/emotional benifits of it, HRT has little to do with my ability to present as female. Electrolysis, BA, FFS, trachial shaves, etc. and even SRS is not on my RADAR. Much less a list of Must Do's before going full-time.

At 6ft tall, big boned, deep voice, frog size hands, super-sized feet and bald, in male mode I can easily say no way. Actually I did say "no-way" twice in my 20's when I seriously considered transitioning. The only difference in passing between then and now for me is attitude.

I knew from my younger days the benifits of low dose HRT for me. I was on and off a few times up to my 30's. After that as life kicked in I had a bounty of diversions, distractions, and some denial to help me get by. However I still needed my monthly or so "escapes" for the day.

The attitude adjustment came after hitting bottom, a lot of soul searching, finding a fantastic TG group with some amazing women I can only hope to be like some day when I finally grow up and perhaps a touch of regular ole therapy. A gender specialist may be of some help. However my situation is far from that of a typical TG looking to transition. Just the opposite really    That may turn out to be a loosing battle. Time will tell.

[Cindy]

Here goes another unpopular comment

A lot of the advice I hear online about the "must do's" before you can live full time come from people who are not yet living full time. Also a lot of the "This is all the bad stuff that will happen" if from people not living full time. What is required to live full time is you have to start doing it.

I agree. People have been very accepting and very lovely. In many ways I'm finding people go out of there way to be respectful, helpful and understanding, and there is NO WAY I'm in stealth. I went from male attire to full female attire at the beginning of a working week. I had let people know, and I was presenting more and more feminine. But not everyone knew and by Goddess it went viral pretty damn quickly. So in many cases the first time many people who knew me saw me in male clothing on Friday and female on Monday.

And no problems.

Cindy

[Stephe]

I would add that IMHO as far as a list of "must do's", one that is almost always left off that I would put at the top is -work on a decent female voice-. I would put this WAY above HRT.

[Alainaluvsu]

I would add that IMHO as far as a list of "must do's", one that is almost always left off that I would put at the top is -work on a decent female voice-. I would put this WAY above HRT.

Yup... because a pretty girl with a deep male voice startles EVERYBODY!

[Stephe]

Yup... because a pretty girl with a deep male voice startles EVERYBODY!

And a manly looking girl who has a feminine voice doesn't get clocked.