You will probably want to go full time sooner than you realize...

[seldom]

My therapist discussed my timeline and plans, she asked how soon I want to go full time.  I said in one year.  She responded by saying "I doubt that", but not in the it will take longer, but rather it will happen sooner.  She said I have proven I want to go full time sooner than I realize.  We discussed goals, and I said the major issue with me is physical as well as chemical. She said taking my frame, health and facial features, passing is not as big of an issue (I am 5'9", I have a small frame, a fairly androgynous face, and I am at a healthy body weight).  I already look significantly more feminine going into the process even without HRT with just a bit of facial hair removal from laser.    But at the same time she understands for me it is not just presenting myself as female to society and being accepted as such, there is a degree of discomfort that is pretty high regarding my physical features, even though I am transitioning from a rather ideal point physically (save for my hair issues).  I told her my issue was I needed to feel fully ready physically, and that a one year time was being conservative with the results of HRT (though I have heard that results can happen only within a couple of months). 
That was the discussion with the therapist today.  She said I have proven that I have a high desire to begin living full time as soon as I can through my actions (how many people I came out to already, going out in public, etc).  She is right, I would like to go full time as soon as possible, but I also need to feel physically and mentally right to do so. I feel my body right now is still mostly male despite the frame.  Going full time has nothing to do with SRS/GRS either, which is at least two years away because of financial reasons.  It is just something I need to do. 


 

[Kimberly]

^{*nods twice*} I went 'full time' in incremental stages really. I started sooner than I could really get away with and I have continued to just ease into the role as it were. For me, where I am and how I go about things this method has worked very well.

But yes, sooner than is sane... ^{*nods twice*} I understand that feeling.

I wish you luck and propriety Amy.

[gothique11]

I hope you do well, Amy.

[Kate]

My therapist discussed my timeline and plans, she asked how soon I want to go full time.  I said in one year.  She responded by saying "I doubt that", but not in the it will take longer, but rather it will happen sooner.  She said I have proven I want to go full time sooner than I realize.  We discussed goals, and I said the major issue with me is physical as well as chemical. She said taking my frame, health and facial features, passing is not as big of an issue (I am 5'9", I have a small frame, a fairly androgynous face, and I am at a healthy body weight).

I'm not as blessed, being rather tall (6'2"). Passing IS a big issue for me, though it's happened a number of times. But I figured I'd wait until (and if) I passed reasonably well before going full-time. I figured that'd be at least a year of HRT, probably more. Maybe even sell my soul and have facial surgery. No WAY I could start living as Kate before I passed. No way.

A few people (coughmew) warned me. I laughed it off.

I told management at work by around 6 months HRT. Still, I told them and my wife I wasn't going to DO anything for many months yet.

Uh huh. I started dressing in women's clothing shortly thereafter, though it was subtle at the time and no one apparently noticed.

I was out to all the employees by 7 months, saying I'd be changing gradually over the months to come.

A few weeks later, I'm sitting here at my desk in a sports bra, cute top showing obvious breasts, women's pants and shoes, earrings...

And asking and prodding everyone to call me Kate.

So far, I'm still conservative in public, and I KNOW I could NEVER present in public like that, right?

Uh huh... it's gonna happen. Sooner, not later.

It's just... ya just can't STAND it anymore. The pressure builds and pushes and... breaks through everything. It's kind of cruel actually, as it runs against *every* insecurity of mine... and yet I just cannot stop it from happening.

~Kate~

[Melissa]

Amy, I bet you'll go fulltime within 6 months of HRT.  The only variable I'm not sure of is your hair length.  You are in the approximately same situation as I was when I started hrt (height, facial description, age, etc) and I went fulltime at about 5 months hrt and was passing too.  Since then I have done a lot of learning with regards to passing including improving my voice, my walk, my makeup, and my hair (perhaps, things I wouldn't have focused on as much if I had remained in my non-transitioned state).  Kate is right that the pressure just builds and builds and there is no stopping it.  I ended up going fulltime about 6 months sooner than I had originally planned.

[TreeFlower]

It took me five years to go full time and seven years before I got GRS.  Many, Many issues.

What I want to relate is how I knew it was time to go full time.  When I was told I was in the wrong restroom by a couple of very large bikers.  hehe.

I just thought of a new thread:

"You know its time to go full time when...."
   ... you get kicked out of the men's (ladies) room.
   ... you get hit on by straight guys.
   ... <insert your own>

Someone want to start that thread for me?  I'm buggin from some Phenylephrine HCI (cold medicine).  Sudafed doesn't contain sudafed anymore.  ...Who knew?  I'm all over the place.  laterz!

[Jonie]

Hey Amy, go for it when you feel ready and only then, but consider this. I knew a mtf who looked very feminine and had only one obstacle that prevented her from totally passing as a woman, a thick heavy beard. This is an all too obvious tell that someone has a masculine body. She spent hours a day tweezing hair off her face because it was too painful for her to remove it any other way, even then a dark shadow could still be seen. So I would just have to suggest to you that you get a real good start on any facial hair you may have first. Even if you can pass with a little facial hair best to get rid of it, take heart GG's can't pull it off the look either.

This girl's height, hair on her head, foot size, overall size and manerisms looked more feminine than mine. Our faces and vioces were equally feminine. But because I didn't have a facial hair problem and she did when we were together I looked like a woman and she looked like someone trying to look like a woman. Before I rid myself of my beard she definetly had the advantage over me in looking feminine.

[seldom]

The hair on my head IS a problem.  Its short-long (I have a womens short cut), but it is thinned quite a bit between the ages of 25-28.  My hairline is really bad and it is really thinning out on the crown (minoxidil was ineffective, but that was going to be 50/50 anyway).  Luckily the hair is one of the easiest things to cover up (there is always wigs, which I don't have an issue with wearing because my real hair is not manageable all the time anyway) and eventually fix (grafts, etc).  Of course I can't do anything until I see the effects of HRT, because there is a chance that will help that hair issue somewhat (I am skeptical and hopeful, but I am not expecting much).  I am 28, so I cannot get that dealt with until I am at least 30 anyway.  Luckily this is something I can take care of in the area, and it is the other thing I am saving for in addition to SRS.  Who knows, it is one of those wait for HRT's effects things, but I am so self conscious about it.  Even though people say its not that bad.  I seriously cry about it sometimes. 

Facial hair I am already removing, it was more than 50% gone after the first laser session (it thinned out everywhere, but right now the patches of completely gone and patches still there). I just had my second session yesterday. Actually I got a few young lady and miss after the first session.  So I guess it is more of a cue for gender than anything else.  Luckily I have very fair skin and dark hair,  laser has been very effective.  So it seems facial hair will not be a problem and the removal is going very well.  The person doing it said things will probably be mostly taken care of by the 3rd or 4th session and after that it will just be making sure everything is clear in terms of hair growth cycles.  Laser does hurt, but the pain is manageable without any numbing cream.

I guess I will tell my therapist that my plan is to go full time in 6-9 months after starting HRT.  I will inform my workplace of my plans shortly after and then start telling all the co-workers.  Of course if I get to the point where boy mode is not possible, well I guess I will go full time sooner. 

[SusanK]

My therapist discussed my timeline and plans, she asked how soon I want to go full time.  I said in one year.  She responded by saying "I doubt that"...

She's right, but you're your best guide for it, because it depends on your comfort level with yourself and your self-confidence in public. My therapist and I joke about it, I'm on the slow road for a variety of reasons, but we agree, as I'm experiencing, the innate feelings will be there to tell you you're ready. She says it's almost universal with transpeople if they aren't already when they go into therapy. Good luck.

--Susan--

[Rachel]

i bet you will go sooner, the mind is the biggest obstacle one can over come.  You will do very will with the right mindset, so go for it, as soon as human possible.

[LostInTime]

Plan for sooner but do not scrap that one year plan.

On my first go around the decision was made for me because after a few months of HRT I could no longer pass as male and that can be pretty hazardous. The next go around, I planned a bit better and did it on my timetable even if it meant avoiding a few places and people.

good luck. 

[seldom]

Plan for sooner but do not scrap that one year plan.

On my first go around the decision was made for me because after a few months of HRT I could no longer pass as male and that can be pretty hazardous. The next go around, I planned a bit better and did it on my timetable even if it meant avoiding a few places and people.

good luck. 

This is the thing, I am in as ideal a situation as you can get to transition. 
My hair is causing me cycles of depression, but other than that, I work in an ideal environment and my friends are very supportive.  (My family less so if at all, but so it goes). 

[ssindysmith]

Transitioning is a funny thing, like you I told my therapist I would like to go full time in a year, she chuckled why so long? I had already been on HRT for a few months when the subject came and like you I was very androgynous back then, she told me it would be easier for me to go full time then the swapping back and forth thing. She made this recommendation, she knew I would be off work for the next 7 days, she told be to be as feminine as I could for the next 7 days home, shopping, groceries everything you do and come back at the end of the week and answer the question again. So I did as she recommended 7 full days, I actually developed a routine I follow today, [less the shaving part] and she was right I was ready to go full time, I just need the nudge, my BF had been telling me for months before I started HRT to just be a woman all the time [men] but I guess I just needed that little extra incentive from a woman. It was two or three weeks later I had my name changed and that was it for me. Another funny thing I don't consider myself full time any more I consider myself normal I am free to express myself the way I'm supposed to be.

[seldom]

Transitioning is a funny thing, like you I told my therapist I would like to go full time in a year, she chuckled why so long? I had already been on HRT for a few months when the subject came and like you I was very androgynous back then, she told me it would be easier for me to go full time then the swapping back and forth thing. She made this recommendation, she knew I would be off work for the next 7 days, she told be to be as feminine as I could for the next 7 days home, shopping, groceries everything you do and come back at the end of the week and answer the question again. So I did as she recommended 7 full days, I actually developed a routine I follow today, [less the shaving part] and she was right I was ready to go full time, I just need the nudge, my BF had been telling me for months before I started HRT to just be a woman all the time [men] but I guess I just needed that little extra incentive from a woman. It was two or three weeks later I had my name changed and that was it for me. Another funny thing I don't consider myself full time any more I consider myself normal I am free to express myself the way I'm supposed to be.

The thing is to be myself is the reason why I am doing it primarily.  Thank you for the insight.
I do work in a professional environment though, so laying out a plan is beneficial, even with DC's great anti-discrimination laws. 

[Kate]

I do work in a professional environment though, so laying out a plan is beneficial, even with DC's great anti-discrimination laws. 

I totally agree, although my work plan and timeline kinda evaporated quickly once reality took hold, lol. I was obsessively methodical in working with management to create a plan for "coming out," including a speech about how I'll "ease into this gradually and give us all time to transition together."

Uh huh.

A month later, and I'm going to work about as female as I can possibly be at 8 months HRT. And where I figured the name switch would happen when I made it legal many months from now, the majority of people are already calling me Kate (at my polite request).

Ya kinda just lay out a plan, taking your best guesses at first, but then adjust according to how people react and stuff. If they seem cool with everything, it's *really* hard to resist just getting on with things NOW.

~Kate~