Not sure how to make this situation less awkward, advice?

[alex_of_the_night]

So, I have some what recently realized and accepted myself as a trans man, and come out to a friend. She accepted it and is very supportive. We were talking and she told me about this great opportunity for a job I'm interested in, but, its one of those "girl power, girls only"   type deals, and she told the woman running it that I was a girl. I need to take the job if I get it, but...I don't know, its hard, I'm not sure what to feel, I just know this whole deal is going to be very awkward, dose anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

[Brooke777]

I would say be honest during the interview. They can't legally ask, and you don't legally have to say anything. But, in my opinion, if you are going to transition at work they should know who they are hiring.

[Rena-san]

If you want this job, and if you get this job, you wil pry be expected to be a female it sounds like. From what you have said, they don't want a male for this position. You'll need to make a decision then. I know it sucks, cause I have to make a similar decision in less than a week and still don't know what I'm going to do. Did your friend also tell them that you are only a girl by biological/genetic standards? Do they know that you are trans? These are some questions you might want to talk to your friend about. I've learned that gender can be an akward thing to begin with, sometimes you just have to accept that and move on.

[justmeinoz]

If it is going to be a long term position I would be honest to myself and try something else.  All part of being authentic.  If it is short term that is a different matter.

[JoanneB]

The realities are first, consider every job "Short term". Plain ole fact of life is if the boss wants you out, you're out. There is always a way. Only an idiot PHB will say and document that it was because you're trans. I also suspect this place may even have an anti-discrimenation policy that mentions gender expression or identity in this PC age.

If your plan is to land a new job and start transitioning to full-time right away you should let them know. Otherwise if you are not sure exacly what you will be doing in the short term (ie: 3 years) between jumping into or easing into transition, I wouldn't say anything. Living and presenting as the real you outside of work is a viable option. Makes even more sense if you consider the current economic climate may change for the better in a few years and jobs will be a lot more plentifull and your options too.

Only you are qualified to make the decision about delaying a long term goal for this shorter term gain.

[Elsa]

Well, there would be several factors to consider:

1: is this job a really short term thing i.e. 3-6 months or a longer term, a longer term would make it a nightmare and things could get incredibly awkward, during transition.

2: if you get the job and then leave to transition, it would be a headache explaining how you got a job meant for women later on.

3: If you decide to take on the job, you would be around women and treated as a woman and forced to go out with them as a woman, which would be difficult to explain to any male friends who see you. But more importantly this might make your a lot more dysphoria worse.

4: If you do transition and suppose they do allow you to keep the job while transition as the only male in an office filled with women things can get seriously awkward and cause problems later on.

5: while taking a new job it may be difficult if your new employer decides to verify your past experience.

The only point in favor is that with a better paying/more satisfying job your transition would come faster since you now would have extra money to work with for HRT and surgeries.

[FTMDiaries]

I once worked in one of those 'women only' organisations - a domestic violence charity. The only men allowed in the building were the IT guys, and even then they were sequestered in a separate part of the building away from Tha Grrrllzzz. Because of the nature of the organisation (and the unfortunate women they served as clients) the default position of many of the staff was to be hostile towards men.

I was still stealth at the time so they never had an issue with me, but I felt very uncomfortable in an exclusively female environment. I don't fit their mould and didn't enjoy the kind of chatter & socialisation that they did so even though they were never nasty towards me, I felt like a bit of an outsider, as well as an imposter. And of course, I couldn't make any friends because there were no guys to socialise with. Perhaps you might want to reflect on how you would feel spending your days in an exclusively female environment where everyone is supposed to be a woman and where you might be expected to socialise (and dress!) the same way they do. And think about whether the nature of the organisation would make them hostile to anyone identifying as male - could you deal with the day-to-day casual sexism even whilst you're stealth? I certainly found it very difficult, but I needed the money at the time.

Also, bear in mind that if you've just realised you're trans, you probably have a bit of a road ahead of you before a) you decide on whether you want to transition, and b) any changes occur due to transition. Is it worth taking the job now and staying stealth until you get to that point? You might have moved on to a different job when you get to that point anyway. If you do choose to transition, would your Real-Life Experience be compromised in any way by working in a female-only job? And would the employment laws where you are protect you from discrimination if you transition?

[pretty]

Well you are a guy and the position is for girls so I don't see why you would take it